How do you confront a close relative who has a drinking problem but denies it?

Question

He has had legal issues with dui and anger management, so he knows he has a problem but denies it when we bring it up, even hangs up or walks away...
He's lost his business and his parent's entire savings and is about to lose his home. He's even talked of suicide when drunk. Please help

Goodness! Your answers are all so caring, wonderful and helpful. I'm touched and really dreading picking only one best answer. I wasn't expecting this many smart and genuine responses. Thank you.
I'll wrap it up by tonight, but just had to express my gratitude.

Answer 1

show him a video of him when drunk, gather with some other relatives who are willing to help and that he will listen and bring a list of the things alcohol has made to him and what he has lost by being an alcoholic, not only the material, but bring the things he will feel hurt about, family problems for example, so that he can react, but remember you have to be very careful too, and patience, as you have seen it takes a long way to recover and accept one is having a problem, good luck

Answer 2

With the best will in the world, if he denies he has a problem, there is nothing you can do about it. Talk with an AA counsellor. They'll confirm that sometimes you have to hit bottom before you can start back up. That sounds cruel, but it's a fact. It is HIS problem, not yours and while it is courageous of you to try to intervene, it isn't going to work. What is important at this point is that you don't feel guilty because you weren't able to do anything.
He needs counselling, and needs it badly. Get some other family members to help you and you can perhaps stage an intervention. It's like a tough love program. It might help -- but you can't do it by yourself.
Good luck to you, and to him.

Answer 3

unfortunately, he has to want to get better. otherwise, even if he says he'll go to counseling or therapy or quit drinking, he'll lie and sneak around.
it's a bad situation and sucks when you love someone who is doing that to himself. good luck. the best you can do is set up a "support system" that will help keep him off the streets when he's drinking, so he doesn't kill anyone or himself in a drunk driving accident. maybe finding the person he respects most in his life (the person he wants to impress) and having that person confront him will help.

if he has anger issues, he will need to get separate counseling for that. the alcohol just triggers it, but it's a part of him; it won't go away if he stops drinking.

Answer 4

I had that problem. I wa an alcoholic, and a mean one. I would pick fights with everyone. I was drinking a 5th of vodka a day, plus whatever beer was in the fridge. I was on a rampage
my family had to MAKE me go to rehab. I didn't want to go. they supported me and helped me through it.
i wasnpt holding a job, i wa spending a lot of money. I had a wrecka dn got a dwi while i was driving and i don't even remember driving to Louisiana.... i live in houston!!!

just get your family together.... make sure you talk to him and not talk down to him. Show you want to help and you are not just getting on his case. Most alcoholics think people are just getting on their case about drinking, they don't realize they actually have a problem!!

good luck

Answer 5

You could really benefit from attending some Al-Anon meetings. You may only need to go to a few meetings to learn how to deal with an alcoholic or you may want to continue to go if you find you need the support of the group. It really is the best thing you can do for both yourself and him. You may actually be doing things that feed into his illness without even being aware of it .
This is the Al-Anon website link which can help you find meetings in your area.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Good luck!

Answer 6

for people on the other side of a loved ones problems its hard to sit and watch but from personal expeirence (my moms a alcoholic and lost my sister and i cus of it) you cannot help them unless they want to help themselves i was lucky just the last 2 months my mom had a near death experience and has been sober for 32 days but sometimes you just gotta sit and wait its the hardest thing to do but he needs to want to stop, he wont want to hear the negative....the best you can do is stand by him and try to do things where there is no alcohal around but other than that honestly theres nothing you can do im sorry you are going threw this and wish there was a way to help..... :(

Answer 7

In my county two people who know a drunk can commit him or her against their will to an inpatient detox center run by the county/state. Maybe once sober, (which can take days for it all to be out of their system, detoxing from alcohol is medically monitored there), they will have more understanding of their losses.

Answer 8

He knows I'm sure when he looses everything & is homeless then he'll know people like that don't listen believe me I have a brother like him who doesn't appreciate nothing.He lost a good paying job due to his drinking that bottle was better then $23.94 per hr I'd die 2 have a job like that & they gave him 2 chances & he blew it.The drinks cost them alot.Good Luck

Answer 9

sorry dear but there ;is no point in trying to confront him if he denys it . He knows in side but if he won't help him self then you can't help him I know I tryed with my older Brother. I even went so far as to sign him into a clinic for alcohol treatment . but it is pointless unless they are willing to help them selves ( my brother was dead by 37 his body scattered over 2miles in the bush, the life style he lead, lead to it) . Try getting him to AA but you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. God bless you and don't blame your self

Answer 10

Sad to say, but he has to hit rock bottom before he can truly recognize that he has a problem. confronting him only makes it harder for him to admit it. Good luck