I am a plus size woman with low self-esteem.?

Question

How do I meet new people and maybe a mate. I am tired of being alone, how do I go about finding someone. I am terribly shy. Each time I meet someone new I always feel they are settling for me. I want to change this. I am not huge but like a size 16 and I know size -0- is in. Help raise my self-steem so I can feel confidnet to meet someone. Suggestions?

Wow, what nice people. I do dress well and I am very clean. That is not my problem, I am just terribly shy.

Answer 1

Yeah -- it's getting harder to meet people all the time. We are becoming more specialized in our jobs and more isolated from our neighbors. The demands on our lives - time wise - is staggering.

I think that "dates happen", you don't go hunting them. You have to pursue your passions. Knowing nothing about you, imagine this scenario .....
Perhaps you enjoy reading murder mysteries -- there is bound to be a club in your town. Join it and make friends. Become an expert and a valued member of the group. Your status and self-esteem will blossom and ... if ... there is a man there, perhaps he'd like to continue the conversation over coffee.

What do you like to do? Whatever it is: go do that. Be a "fan" of a sport or volunteer at a community theater group or paint flowers in a painting class. Following your personal dream, discovering what you are passionate about, will take you to a place of personal growth in your heart and mind -- if you find a date along the way, so much the better.

Being shy and having low self-esteem on the physical level does not mean you can not be an expert in your field, a challenging speaker, a scintillating artist -- people are drawn to talent and drive. Don't let it hold you back and you will blossom.

Answer 2

Yes, you definately need a permanent self-esteem boost before you're going to be able to find a guy you're comfortable with who will be good for you. You've already said you're not huge, so you're on your way. Stay away from fad diets, because they never work long term (you usually lose weight to begin with because it shock's your body, but then once your body gets used to it, you wind up gaining more weight than you lost), so they'll only make you feel worse when you don't get the results they promised you. Go ahead and get an exercise routine, even if it's just walking, not with the goal of losing weight, but for the energy boost and the good feelings that the oxygen boost/blood flow will give you, and see any weight that you do lose as an added benefit.

You know, a lot of guys like larger women, some guys even prefer them, so know that they may really be attracted to you and not settling. You have a full-bodied, curvy figure that can be very sexy, so feel good about that. Until relatively recently in history, larger women were the ideal in female sexuality since they represent womanhood, motherhood, fertility and success. That's still true in many cultures world-wide, and even a lot of Western men still believe that. You have breasts, and that's something a lot of super-skinny women don't have and really feel bad about not having, so feel good about that. You're a nice person and you have a lot to offer, so even though you don't fit Hollywood's model of the ideal body, you're capable of making deeper, more satisfying personal relationships than most people out there. There are a lot of beautiful big women out there, some of them even models, so there's no reason you should let your size hold you back. Love yourself and let someone else love you, too, because when you do find that perfect guy, if he picked anyone over you, that's when he'd be settling.

Answer 3

First, I have no concept what a size 16 would look like. It depends on your height, I think. For if you are 4ft or 6ft there would be a drastically different image.

It depends also how you carry it or how it is distributed. Just the other day I saw a plum/or plus or heavy set female. She was so shapely (in my view) that I had to go up to her and tell her how nice she looked.

As for your case, I know a lot of men who PREFER large and even FAT females. I have dated and been married to large females and I had no problem with their size at all.

With me, if a female has a pleasant personality, and keeps her body hygienically clean I see no problem.

I don''t know if this will help, or if anything will, but If you don't want to do work or alter your life style to change it then accept it and be happy.

If you care to discuss it further/privately with me please feel free to IM me at [e-mail].

Answer 4

Size 0 may be in for some people but there are alot of men who actually not attracted to the bone racks and enjoy us women who have curves don't be so hard on yourself size 16 can be very sexy and you don't want to be with someone who cares that much about weight. I have heard that e-harmony is a good sight, if you can exude confidence you will be more attractive to the opposite sex hold your head up high. I am an 18 and very proud of it

Answer 5

I am not sure if the advice I am going to give you will help, but you need to find out where that low self esteem come from even if you have to seek counseling. I am a plus size girl (size 18/20) and I love myself. I have confidence you can't shake, but that comes from within. Like I said before I am a size 18/20, and I command attention from the size 5/6 women. I don't get it because I think I am better then anyone, but my level of confidence shines where ever I go so I get that attention because of that not because I do anything special meaning if I see a girl who is a size 3/4 there is nothing that she has on me even though I am a size 18/20. I don't hold my head down, I don't turn away and not look at her, and if I see her shoes and I like them I am going to tell her that I think her shoes are beautiful and can she tell me where she got them from so I can go me a pair. I do have some insecurities I am human, but super models have insecurities so insecurities don't come from what size you are you just have to love yourself in spite of, and I love myself. The way I am able to feel this way was by surrounding myself with older women who was always dressed up.

I don't mean in their Sunday's best, but if they went to the grocery store or just to wash clothes they were presentable, they had their face together not full makeup but just a little lipstick and maybe some shadow. I knew that if I was around them I could not be looking shabby so I took notes and a few years later that is now how I am. You can't pay me to leave my house without a little gloss or lotion on my feet or my hair presentable. So until you find the inner confidence it's safe to say that you are not ready to meet anybody because you will put your insecurities on them , and look to them to fix your insecurities and that's not fair because you have to know who you are first, and you have to love yourself first before anyone else can love you because you will not let them love you because you will be to busy wanting them to fix you. So again seek counseling and find out why you have this low self esteem, and fix that, and then maybe you can check out the website below to find someone, but if you don't fix yourself first it does not matter who you find because do to your underline insecurities that you will unconsciously put on them that relationship will never work. Good luck, and sorry for the long answer.



http://www.bbwpersonalsplus.com/

Answer 6

Perhaps start by looking around at people who are your size, there are many people who are absolutely beautiful inside and outside that wear a size 16....There is no shame in being this size...:).....It's sad that most of the messages we recieve in movies,on Tv, in magazines...etc....show these very happy ..small people.....I know that Hanes her way has a campaign out...where they show women of all sizes....and then there is Dove...who states they are campaigning for real beauty...meaning....you don't have to fit a cookie cutter image from Hollywood to be beautiful.....Truly, if you sit in a mall....or anywhere and just watch....You'll see some really beautiful women who are not tiny like Tinkerbell..lol:).....If you are,...then...there is no shame.....Start....by increasing "Your Self Esteem".....change your opinion and perception of self.....,buy yourself....nice clothing in a size 16 that make you feel good.....incorporate activities...into your daily routine..that make you feel good.....,get into more social situations...that have a mixed variety of people....and strike up a conversation....over something....anything....U can do it!.....It starts with you....Increasing your self-esteem....That's where you need to begin first..., if you can't be comfortable with you and love yourself.....nobody else will....and chances are you'll attract Mr wrong....So work on self.....and all else will follow.....:)
Hugs:)

Answer 7

The weight isn't the problem, you aren't that big anyway at a size 16. Make sure your appearance is well taken care of, and go out and mingle. Many men, (myself included) like a woman that size. A size 0 actually isn't that in, or at least not with everyone.

If you act like people are settling for you, you will attract people who will do that. Go out and know that you are worth being liked by someone that will like you for who you are........and someone will.

Answer 8

Do some self improvment like reading, education, exercise - and no, no remarks about losing weight. I am overweight and just started dance classes. I may look stupid, but I don't care as I am learning grace and getting more fit. Remember, the sexiest part of a woman's anatomy is her brain - at least to the caliber of men you deserve (the good ones). Good luck to you and remember, self confidence is attractive too...and don't forget to dress well and learn to use makeup effectively, even if you have to pay for advice.

Answer 9

first of size 0 most be in where you live but down here in fort lauderdale the men like their women thick girl i am a plus size girl to and trust me iam damn proud of it don't worry about what other people say look at monique she is a very beautiful plus size lady get an attitude like that and do your thang girl if you want to loose weight bc u just lost like 20 pounds myself do that and yhen up your dress code but the main thing is to keep your head and tell yourself that you are fabulous everyday and you will have enough courage to meet you a man. dont settle 4 anything

Answer 10

In GOD's eyes everyone is beautiful!!! A size 16 is not huge. There is beauty in everyone, find what makes you special and start there. Even the size 0's are not happy with what they see in the mirror. Good luck!