Okay, so this girl has been my friend for about a year. Ive been in love with her since i first met her. Her boyfriend of 20monts is a total jackass. He joined the Military and had an dishonorable discharge, and has gone to Prison for stealing a car. But it seems like she just overlooks all of his mistakes and and puts up with him. Man it kills me. So yeah what would you guys do?
2006-09-14 14:20:36 · 22 answers · asked by HangukO 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Okay, so this girl has been my friend for about a year. Ive been in love with her since i first met her. Her boyfriend of 20monts is a total jackass. He joined the Military and had an dishonorable discharge, and has gone to Prison for stealing a car. But it seems like she just overlooks all of his mistakes and and puts up with him. Man it kills me. So yeah what would you guys do?
The thing is that she would go out with me, but she cant give into break up with him. Everytime they fight, he says sorry and she falls for it, and this guy is a big pot head.
2006-09-14 14:51:28 · update #1
Well they went on a break for a week, and everynight she called me up and wanted to hang out. Just lastnight he called her up and they "made up." Damn that broke my heart. I want to just step back and let it go, but it is much easier said than done, because i am seriously in love with her.
2006-09-15 13:50:38 · update #2
Sorry dude. Not much you can do in that situation. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make her drink. Some girls really get it into their heads that they can change a guy, no matter how bad he is. Sometimes after 25 years, with the guy still hangin out in his wife-beater shirt while working at anything but a job, they'll figure out that it doesn't work. Sometimes they just never get it. You've got one thing going for you and that thing is that she's your friend. She'll at least listen to you. I would take the chance and tell her how you feel. You may never get a second chance.
2006-09-14 14:26:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you sound like a nice guy. It's so refreshing!!!
Hmmm....from a woman's point of view, I hate to say it, but if this girl is staying with an idiot who will steal a car, what the hell do you see in her? It seems like she's either not too bright or has HUGE self-esteem issues. However, I stayed with a moron for 4 years who ended up being mentally abusive, so who am I to talk? I'm pretty damn smart, too, I just had poor self-esteem. He was never in jail, though, I guess that counts for something. ANYWAY...
Ask yourself what it is you love about her. Write it down. If the things you love about her are things like: she's beautiful, she's got a great body, she laughs at my jokes, then you should just move on.
If, on the other hand, you love her for her sense of humor, her intelligence, her ability to make you want to be a better man when you are around her, then you HAVE to tell her that you love her and why. You HAVE to tell her as a friend, first and foremost, that she is making a huge mistake by staying with this loser. Ask her if she really sees herself having children with this moron. I mean, come on. How can she expect an ***, who will steal a car, to be able to help provide for her children eventually???
Be a friend FIRST, then let her know how much you care about her. Don't rush her. Treat her as a friend, no matter what happens. Unfortunately, young women get caught in the trap of being attracted to 'bad' boys. When they get wise, they realize that real love can only come with a REAL man, a man who is honest and kind and responsible. You sound like a REAL man, and if this woman doesn't see it, another, fabulous woman will.
Don't settle.
Good luck...
2006-09-14 14:30:12 · answer #2 · answered by J B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok I'm not a guy, but I can give you advice from a woman. Go slowly and take baby steps.
Most women only need a few hints to tell them that you are interested. If you make it a point to call her out of the blue for no particular reason than to say HI and that you were thinking about her. (or if she calls you, tell her "Wow, I was just thinking about you")Or, if she knows that she brightens your day. When you do those things and you feel that she is receptive to them, then you may try something a little more.. perhaps asking her to dinner and going someplace nice. That will give you the chance to crack the door on your feelings for her. I would not suggest just pouring out your heart to her because you might scare her away.
Pick her brain with simple questions to find out if she is truly in love with this guy, just holding onto him until something better comes along or maybe even staying with him as a way to make you jealous because she really secretly likes you.
You have to talk to her face to face though because body language is a big indicator of her true feelings and it's hard to decipher emotion and interpret things over the phone or computer.
Good luck to you I hope that it works out in your favor..
Remember.... it is always better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
2006-09-14 14:36:39 · answer #3 · answered by neurotic3109 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'll tell you the truth...chances are you will have a tough time getting her to see her b/f for what he is. But don't let that stop you from telling her how you feel. Take a chance on love she may dismiss what you have to say, but it's better to have taken a chance in love than none at all. At least when her heart is broken by this loser, she will remember that you have been by her side and that you love her unconditionally. Good Luck! You sound like a nice person for caring so much about this girl.
2006-09-14 14:25:37 · answer #4 · answered by margeritaperez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I want you to succeed here! I would go slow with this one. Anything too hasty might cause you to lose her. I think you should be there for her. You might try to open up in a generic way about what you'd like in a girl without being specific about her. Never say anything bad about this guy but be there to listen...ears only....no advice. Be tender with her and start asking her to do things with you...movies...lunch...coffee...then dinner...hiking...things that get her to see what a great and fun person you are. It will be easy for her to make the comparison...because there won't be one. Good luck!
2006-09-14 14:27:03 · answer #5 · answered by mamaloo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
O'trust me. She knows. She wont own up to it at the moment because she still in that I love him, he's wonderful and you are just trying to take my happyness away phase. So don't push. if what you say is true you are in a bad spot. she sounds like my older sister and the more I told her that the guy was wrong the more she loved him. One guy thougth she was 12 and he was 19, she really was 17 but what he thought was messed up. and she 'loved' him. My god. She likes the abuse and so does that girl you love. rock and a hard place man. I feel bad for you. But really don't push that guy will mess up sooner or later and then make your move.
2006-09-14 14:26:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your friend might already have enough on her plate and confessing your love for her might just overwhelm her, although I trust you'd make a much better boyfriend than the boy she's with now.
Just give her time to see for herself how much of a jerk her boyfriend is, and be supportive throughout the whole process.
If you try to step in now and break up her current relationship, she might shut you out.
2006-09-14 14:24:35 · answer #7 · answered by Magic 8 Ball 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant....everything you stated says she already knows if she was coming from a place of reason...she has somehow decided or is determined in her mind to fix him change him or save him...which she probably wont so you my dear need to accept this and hope that when she comes out of this fog she will recognize a real love witha real friend...however be prepared for this to take a while and meantime find other people and hobbies to entertain you...p.s dont wait forever!!!!!!!
2006-09-14 14:28:04 · answer #8 · answered by lovedog3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tis better a friendship, than no relationship at all. if you tell her that her bf is an ***, and that you really care about her, she's not gonna like it, and you will lose in the end.
It might be helpful if you found other things to occupy your time. I know it hurts, but I'm sure it hurts worse watching. Know what I mean? Be good to yourself, so you'll be ready when she it. hugs
2006-09-14 14:24:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think u should but dont be suprised if she doesnt fall in your arms and confess undieing love sometimes u can love a person and they dont love u back but I hope for your sake she realizes your a good guy.
2006-09-14 14:25:20 · answer #10 · answered by Renee B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋