Why is dating a person that's in the military so hard?

Question

My boyfriend and i have been seeing eachother for almost a year. He's a single father of two toddlers and an active duty marine. He's somewhat changed with me.. not as caring and as sweet as he was before. He's not really given me as much attention as before either and it makes me feel very very bad. I've also come to think that he's not in love with me anymore, that he see's me as a friend. now all he does is complain and just talk to me about his work. I became upset over all of this and went on a vacation for a few days and once i came back everything seemed to be better than ever but he's started to not have time for me again... i've told him how i felt but he doesnt seem to get it. i've become very frustrated over the situation and sometimes i feel like calling in quits just cause i feel like i cant take it anymore.. i dont want him to feel unwanted or anything because i really love him. I just feel that if he were to spend some time on his own again it would help our relationship

Answer 1

Just give it a little time. Don't listen to all the people who bad mouth military men and go on about how we're desensetized and everything. It IS a hard life, but if it is meant to be, then it will be. If you are already breaking apart, then his job will only make it more difficult. But, seriously, don't listen to the garbage about military men cheating and everything. Military men cheat just as much as all other men, which is to say, some do, some don't. It's about the individual. As far as being married to the job, I told my wife this,...she doesn't like the idea of my volunteering for extremely dangerous jobs and missions, but if it wasn't for the military I never would have met her in the first place. Yes, the job is dangerous, but the very fact that I have her makes me be that much more careful. Give it time and see what happens.

Answer 2

I don't see how his actions have anything to do with the Military. Sounds like the two of you have grown apart, and that probably would have happened regardless of his job. I just understand why people think the Military is the cause of unhappiness in a relationship. I know that the time apart is never easy, but if you want to be together and make it work, you absolutely can do it. It takes a bit more effort to keep the relationship going, because understanding and communicating is a must for any Military couple since we're away from each other a lot, but it can workout fine.
I don't view my marriage as something hard in my life. I just know that I'm with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, therefor I refuse to allow any obstacle to get in my way, and he has showed me the same respect.

Answer 3

Obviously some of the people on here don't know anyone in the military, particularly men. I was in the Army for 4 years. I dated lots of guys, I even married one of them, and have been with him for 12 years. To me this "Marine" sounds like any other guy you might come across. He is in the Marines and is a single father to two toddlers. I'm not sure what you expect from him? Maybe he is having troubles with his work, or maybe he is worried about being deployed and leaving his two sons and you for that matter. Just talk to him and see what is going on. Or if you don't want to do that maybe its time to move onto someone who can give you what you want.

Answer 4

Normally I would do a cynical response to a dating question, but to a very intellignet question like this, I feel it deserves a serious answer.

Combat can change a person. All the war games I've played would never in a million years prepare me or anyone else for the horrors real war can display. Imagine you and your best friend are enlisted and in a light assault vehicle driving down a road in enemy territory, when your driver doesn't notice an anti-vehicle mine on the ground. When you regain consciousness, you find both arms broken, which would have been a lucky break for your friend, who is now without the lower half of his/her body and burned beyond recognition, save for the dog tags now seared into his/her blackened flesh.

The sad thing is, this has happened. This happens all the time in war, and has happened in wars throughout history. The effect on a single soldier can be tremendous, and can alter his or her personality for a lifetime.

Answer 5

By what you wrote you seem to be a very level headed girl Norma and I would say it is OK for the way you are feeling. As for being a Marine and what they are trained to do it is a whole different arena then that of a common civilian and for the children that you mentioned he is probably feeling a bit stretched when it comes to responsibility and emotions. However that does not excuse him nor afford him to ignore you as an equal. I am trying to answer your question and its not easy that is why in my past I chose not to have a relationship when I was in the military many years ago. So; I would recommend to you Norma to let your heart decide what it is you should do and if you are true to your heart then you can't help but to be true to others.

Best wishes,

Answer 6

I'm not exactly sure what your 'own again' issues are because you didn't ellaborate on how much time you actually spend together. Most people need a lot of personal time, like me. But it sounds like your boyfriend and your 'love river' has dried up if you get my meaning.

What I'm saying is I think it's time you two kind of split apart. If your relationship has to be settled by you taking a vacation every so often then it isn't a healthy relationship.

Answer 7

As a former Marine, the problem might not be that he is a Marine at all but something more personal, or something with the two of you. but You got to remember that being in the service is stressful. Many jobs given to service men when they are 18-20 years old, they wouldn't have until they were in thier 30-40 as a civilian. and whoever said his first concern is his kids and his country is correct.

Answer 8

My first thought is who in the world takes care of his toddlers? Any single parent with two children has a load to carry. Any active duty marine has a load to carry. The poor man must be beside himself with worry.

On top of all that, you give him still more worries. I was married - still am - to a US Sailor who served 20 years in the navy. They generally go to sea for six months and come home for six months. It is very difficult. I always worked in an office and raised 3 fine sons (if I do say so myself). At times it was almost unbearable.

Either shut-up and give the man your warm loving support or let him go so maybe he can find someone who will.

Answer 9

Being a Marine changes your whole outlook on life he may still love you I don't know he may be trying to protect you because alot of relationships ends very badly in the military and he doesn't want you to get hurt take your time talk with him and be patient but do whats best for you to even if that means walking away

Answer 10

All long distant relationships are difficult in my opinion. In fact, this is why I left the military more than any other reason.

As you say, your BF has kids. This probably weighs heavily on him.

His "work" is almost certainly very stressful at times. As a former soldier, I can tell you these stresses are multiplied in war times.

For all of these reasons, I ask that you empathize with his situation as much as possible, before you make up your mind to leave. That said, you only get one chance at life (I think) so if you see staying with this man as detrimental to your happiness or salvation, you may need to leave him.