My Adoption Story: I want to be closer to my birth mom....?

Question

I am 13 years old,almost 14.I was adopted young is all I know.
Supposedly,when my birth mother was pregnant with me,my birth father died,which is true he really did.I didn't know all my life I was adopted in fact I haven't known that long at all!Well my real mom,I have known her as my cousin in the family.She's like a second cousin to my adoptive-dad.So I really am related to them.Nobody,has yet told me what age I was adopted at,but I can remember many things.I love my adoptive parents.But the problem is I haven't always been so close to my "was cousin..now mom".I mean I see her every now and then.Well just last week I saw her again,at my aunt's funeral.And the whole time her and I talked trying to get to remember each other better.I really want to be closer to her so bad! I miss her everday.Do you think her new husband will mind me or hate me? If she has another child wont she love it more?

Answer 1

First let me tell you that your REAL parents ARE the ones that adopted you. I too am an adoptee so I know.

I've met my birth mother once, she was single, my birth dad was married so that's enough said there. She's a wonderful woman and I know we would have loved each other, but no one will ever replace my "real" parents.

I'll admit to being curious. My birth father died almost 30 years ago. He was murdered, and it created quite the news story back then. His alleged murders were captured, but there's always been some question as to their guilt. Every so often I try to find something out, but it's not that important to me.

You and your cousin/mother may have a special closeness, but please remember, you adoptive parents are you REAL parents.

Answer 2

What you're feeling is completely normal. I was adopted when I was 3 days old. I found my birth mother and father at 12 and I thought the same things that you're thinking. Her new husband shouldn't care that you want to be part of her life as long as she wants to be part of yours. No matter how many kids she has, you are still her child. She still made you and pushed you out just like she did the other ones. She should love you even more because she's missed the last 14 years of your life. Enjoy the time you spend with her. Get to know her, what she likes, who she is and let her know the same about you. Don't waste the time you have.

Answer 3

Why do you not stop and talk to your adopted Mother tell your needs, how you find out you were adopted...
When you can get your head clear here then have the adopted parents along with you talk to the natural mother. Reassure your adopted mother you love her dearly she is having emotions also.

When a person gives their child up for adoption to a family member many emotions go on and yours are moving fast because you are in your young teens.

You need to calm down and be a leader in this quest by asking questions and allowing answers

Answer 4

No, her new husband won't hate you (I hope). She won't love the the other child more. I encourage you to connect with her. Every person needs connection with family. It's great that you get on with your adoptive parents so well but there is no substitute for the birth mother. Sometimes the connection isn't great but keep on with it.

Answer 5

you know I replied to your question on if you should ask her birthmom why she gave you up . . . and saw this one.

You know the same thing happened to an old H.S. friend of mine. She got pregnant a couple months after she graduated and her parents forced her to give the child to a relative to raise . . .it was because of her religion that she was forced to give up her baby.

They did not think her being a single mother was acceptable, she was mormon and her family was very close to the church leaders.

Answer 6

as you are already grown up,you can be a friend with your birth mother, not interfering much with her present life. o.k.