Can anyone give me advice on this situation? I have done nothing but treat my fiance with the greatest respect. But his mother does not want us together (she has done this with all his relationships including friends). Today while waiting for my fiance to be called in for eye surgery, she comes in and throws a huge scene because i am his emergency contact. they end up outside the building and she is screaming at him at the top of her lungs. i went outside and calmly asked that they discuss this later considering he is having surgery in a few minutes. she told me to basically shut up and to not interrupt since she is his mother - my fiance defended me and walked away from her. i went after him to comfort him and she took a handful of my hair and threw me to the ground leaving me with a decent sized cut on my elbow and left me completely drenched since i was thrown into a puddle. the surgery center called the cops and i filled out a police report but now i do not know what to do.
2006-09-14 13:14:51 · 21 answers · asked by Shannon T 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Should i stay with this man? I love him and he loves me...we have no other problems except for her. he doesn't want to break all ties with her but at this point i am afraid that she is going to do worse to me. i don't want to press charges considering it is my fiance's mother but i am afraid that she is going to do worse things to me since she is obviously unstable. my fiance is not opening his eyes completely - he knows that she is wrong and has had numerous arguments with her but is it wrong for me to want him to do more than that? any advice will help. thank you.
2006-09-14 13:18:59 · update #1
Don't leave your fiancee because that is exactly what she wants. She wants her son to be her little baby boy forever and she probably isn't going to get over the fact that he's a grown man for a while.
If she is abusing you in the ways that you claim, then your future husband and you should both stay away from her. I understand that's his mother but she is way out of line, especially if you've done nothing but be nice to her. She started with verbal abuse (making you feel like crap!) but now she's gotten physical.
The two of you need to stop contacting her until she can learn how to let go of her son and understand that he is getting married and has found someone that he loves and wants to be committed to.
AND, if he insists that you two need to be around her, don't just sit around and be nice. If she wants to treat you like garbage, show her how it feels! I'd suggest renting "Monster In Law", movie with J-lo in it, it's realllllly good.
2006-09-14 13:19:17 · answer #1 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Assault and battery is a criminal matter - and that is what your future mother-in-law did. Yes, press charges. If you don't, she will have gotten away with it and it WILL happen again. If this is the first time that she has faced charges like this, it is pretty likely that she will just get her little hand slapped. If she does it again, they won't be so kind to her. Her behavior should not be tolerated or excused.
If your fiance won't back you, then he really won't stand up for you against any assault that his mother does.
Pressing charges will make it much easier to get a restraining order later - if you need to. It will also put her on notice that you will not be beat up, smacked around, nor manipulated.
I would not invite her to the wedding unless you are sure that there are "bodyguards" and even then, I would seriously have some second thoughts. Who the heck knows what she would do?
Do NOT let her off easy. She has gotten away with this type of behavior before and it absolutely must stop - for your safety and the safety of anyone else that your husband has contact with - like maybe future children of yours?
2006-09-14 21:22:25 · answer #2 · answered by Road Warrior 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you start by taking out a restraining order to keep her a safe (for you) distance away?
Do you have reason to believe that his mother might escalate the violence (does she own a gun, for instance)?
Is it possible to keep the police report on file without acting further (for the time being anyway!) on it?
Your fiance sounds like his heart's in the right place, defending you rather than taking his mother's side.
She sounds like a fruitcake. Is her behaviour compounded by drink or drug problems, or is she just plain mean and spiteful (and incredibly jealous, by the sound of it)?
If you marry, will you all be living in the same community?
I guess it boils down to how much you love this man and how willing (or able) he is to keep his mother in check. How would he feel if you put her in jail? (Assault and battery is a crime.)
Bottom line for me is: do you think this woman could/would kill (or critically injure) you? If so, I'd get as far away from her as possible. Hopefully, her son will do the same.
2006-09-14 20:45:42 · answer #3 · answered by pat z 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not leave your fiance. That is what she wants. First of all. press charges against her or she will do it again & may really hurt you severely next time. If you let her get by with it, you will always have her trying to run your life. If you can't move to another town/state then move to another house/apt. & don't give her the address or ph. number. Change e-mails also. If your fiance feels he must stay in touch with her in some way, have him get a cell phone & give her that number. He needs to explain to her that he's going to live his own life & if she doesn't want him to then he will break all contact with her. Can you imagine what she'll be like if/when you have children? No, you really do (both of you) have to let her know that you will not put up with her bad behavior.
2006-09-14 20:38:45 · answer #4 · answered by mazell41 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing and it's completely obvious from the way he defended you that your fiance is wonderful. Talk to him about putting distance between his mother and you both. As in, moving away. Like, hours away, or even to another state. Also, filing that police report will be helpful. It showed her that your not going to be pushed around. Good for you! :)
2006-09-14 20:19:18 · answer #5 · answered by S. Elizabeth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I would consult w/ your fiance on whether or not you should both cut off communication/ relationship with her. Can you imagine having kids with this (pardon me) bit*h for a grandmother? She sounds like a nutcase, so maybe she should seek help. She sounds completely destructive to herself, her relationship with her son, and the relationship between you and him. Take care.
Oh, and BTW- I would totally keep the charges against her too. You wouldn't allow a stranger to treat you that way, and she should be no different.
2006-09-14 20:21:15 · answer #6 · answered by Angie T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like your fiance chose you any ways so you have nothing to worry about where hes concerned, it dose sound like you in-fact have the mother in law from hell. as far as what to do about it id just stay away from her and you two live your life happily. she may come around eventually but if she doesn't how really care your happy and that's all that matters. pressing charges was the right thing to do no matter who she is she should have more respect for you.
2006-09-14 20:20:18 · answer #7 · answered by ?Cheshire Cat? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what my wife did when my parents interfered with our marriage. Ignore her. My wife & I had no contact with my family for more then 10 years. I was finnaly able to make piece befor my mom died. the problem was that my parents did not think I was good enought for anyone because I had been married befor. The were angry because my wife didx not listen to them & married me anyway. Sounds like you have a good man. Love him and forget the mother. Try working things out with her through him.I truly wish you both have a happy life. My marriage has lasted 43 years.
2006-09-14 20:30:31 · answer #8 · answered by BUTCH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are some serious issues here. First of all, I am glad that he stood up for you in that situation, but does he always stand up for you? Does he always stand up for you, even if you aren't around and his mother is bashing you? He needs to sit his mother down and seriously find out what her deal is, and see if there can be some closure to her "empty" feelings. It sounds as if, that is her way of keeping him to herself. As far as attacking you, there really wasn't a call for that and I would talk to him, and let him know that if this doesn't stop, that you would consider charging her with assault. Hope things work out.
2006-09-14 20:20:40 · answer #9 · answered by jerrysgalpal_01 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is really horrible! This is not a person who is going to change - she's a control freak. On the positive side, your fiance seems to be handling it as well as he can.
The only way you can change things is to either consider moving away from her....or break off your relationship.
2006-09-14 20:24:52 · answer #10 · answered by suzieq 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋