I think my mother is abusive & I can't say I love her....what do you think?

Question

I'm in dental school. It was really expensive to live in an apartment so I moved into my old house (plenty of room), which was really Mother's idea. I also need as much quiet time as possible.


So obviously school is stressful & at the end of the day I have to put up w/ abuse from my mother. She expects me to cook for her. She is incredibly stubborn, nagging, childish, and bitter. She is really lazy and sloppy around the house, but picks on me for every little thing ("what is this stratch on my new refridgerator? "what was that noise, you almost broke the floor!", "look at this floor, it's all ruined now!"). Just the sound of her voice makes my stomach tense up & I want to throw up.

In high school, I stayed w/ friends most of the time because I wanted to avoid her. BTW, she is only 50 and NOT senile or anything, she's always been like this. She has always been extremely nervous, over protective, just generally awful to be around. Is it wrong to avoid her as much as I can?

Answer 1

I too come from a place where my mom is not the best person to be around with just be patient with yourself and stand up for yourself and tell your mother that she needs to show you respect as you show her and I hope someday you can move out again !!

Answer 2

I wouldn't love her either. A bit of respect but love? Heck no. Avoid her as much as you possibly can.
At some point, you may want to bell the cat and tell her to lay off or go soak her head in a pail of vinegar. My father wasn't quite as bad as your mother but pretty near and it finally was my conclusion that I wouldn't react to his tantrums, nor expect any more from him, and I was able to relax a bit thereafter. Good luck.

Answer 3

If you have to live there, then you're going to have to put up with a certain amount of it but there is certainly nothing wrong with going to your room & shutting the door.

Answer 4

It's OK not to love your mother. You can't deceive your feelings. We can choose friends, but we can't choose mother. Mother is given to us by God. So it's OK not to love her. If she is abusive physically you have to tell somebody. You really do. She should be in jail.