i've asked a similar question before. i live with him and i love him but i can't deal with the stress of the situation.
2006-09-14 12:02:19 · 38 answers · asked by nelly78 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I had a boyfriend when I was younger that cheated on me. I forgave and he cheated on me again. He begged, I forgave that and he cheated on me again. He apologized sweet talked me over and over and wore me down, I forgave and CAUGHT him cheating again.The other times I hadn't caught him but people who knew me caught him. Eventually, some commonsense kicked me in my head. No matter how fine he was or how much I loved him, I was too good for him to be treating me badly. I have learned that a cheater is a cheater. You can change no one. It is funny how we dont listen to people when they tell us these wise things until we've experienced so much that was never neccessary. You need to ask yourself if you can trust him again, because if you can not (like I couldn't even if I said I forgave him), you will go crazy from having no peace of mind. You will lose sleep and question everything he tells you. If you can not trust him, you should not be with him. Sleep benefited me way better than stress. If you put trust in him again, and he cheats again--you know what you have on your hands. Then, definitely let go.
2006-09-14 12:20:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That "once a cheater always a cheater" is bullcrap. People are different. Some make mistakes, feel horrible and learn from them. I was cheated on by my boyfriend. It was a stupid drunken mistake that he regretted so horribly. He broke up with me because he felt he didnt deserve me. I could see that he knew he had made a mistake and really regretted it, so I gave him another chance, and it was the best thing I have ever done. We have now been married 2 years and have a beautiful daughter. But it really depends on your situation. If hes cheating on you repeatedly, then its a purposeful thing. He knows hes continually hurting you. Its not like a one-time mistake. That, for me, would be harder or impossible to forgive. Cheating with your body is one thing, but cheating with your heart is a whole different kind of horrible. It took a lot of work for me to get over what my husband did while we were dating, but it was worth it. I had to learn that just because you love someone, it doesnt mean that they will never hurt you. We are all human. So... forgive stupid mistakes, but dont let yourself be walked all over. By the way, living together before marriage increases divorce rates by 85%. There is a reason for that, it cheapens the relationship. Why would you take marriage seriously, if you have already been living like it all along? It turns marriage into just a legality, instead of something sacred. Learn from your mistakes, and take a good hard look at WHY you are with this guy. Do you want the same things out of life? Is he the kind of person you want to be a father to your children? Imagine, if you have a daughter, would you want her dating a man like your boyfriend? If he wouldnt be good enough for your child, hes not good enough for you. Remember that he will have a huge influence on your possible future children. Good luck.
by the way, i also kind of cheated on him while we were dating. i kissed my ex boyfriend. and it was a HUGE mistake that I would NEVER do again. "once a cheater, always a cheater"??? NO WAY. It depends on the person.
2006-09-14 12:11:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give a honest answer to these questions. Why do you accept his cheating ways? If you cannot deal with his cheating ways and you have lost trust in him, why do you still live with him?
Though you love him, in the back of your mind you will always think, who's he with now, where was he for so long etc. I'd say, give him and yourself some space, get yourself together and move out. You all can try to work on your relationship but do so in separate households. I am not saying it is impossible to gain trust in him but it will be hard and it is something that the both of you have to work on. Good Luck.
2006-09-14 12:12:10 · answer #3 · answered by Who me? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As much as you want to and as hard as it is to admit, you will never trust him the same way you once did. There is a betrayal there that won't ever go away. Fooling around on him will just cause more problems and not solve anything. Plus it will bring you down to his level and you deserve better than that. It will be hard for you to say goodbye, but stay the better person and end the relationship. Find someone whom you can trust again and keep your head up. You will be happy again.
2006-09-14 12:12:29 · answer #4 · answered by mamba 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1st ask yourself "Do you believe everyone gets a 2nd chance?" If you answered yes, then you need to forgive and forget and move on as if it never happened. Otherwise those negative feelings will stop you from believing in your boyfriend from here on out and the healing process won't ever begin and suddenly you're a full time detective. Trust me, you don't want to live like that. If you answered no than your not ready to trust him because you need haven't finished being pissed off. If he hasn't shown remorse then maybe he isn't the one for you. Best of luck to you...
2006-09-14 12:29:54 · answer #5 · answered by bridgeandtunnelgurl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes time and a lot of patience with each other. It happened to me with my husband and took almost 5 years before I could completely trust him again but now I can totally trust him. Some guys just make stupid mistakes not everyone that cheats once keeps cheating. If he ever does it again though dump him on the spot.
2006-09-14 12:06:47 · answer #6 · answered by jusme 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I am still tackling that problem. So far, I am coming to the conclusion that trusting after cheating is nearly impossible. And you are right, it is so stressful!! You are constantly wondering if they can be trusted regardless of what they tell you..maybe it's best to just move on and find someone else who is more trustworthy...but aren't they all in the beginning????
2006-09-14 12:06:01 · answer #7 · answered by mokkah69 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why are YOU the one asking about rebuilding trust when he's the one who cheated? You should get rid of him! Do you wanna wake up one day and find out he's got 6 kids from 5 different moms or worse caught some STD and passe it on to you. Reality check! GET OUT of this one. It's bad news!
2006-09-14 12:13:47 · answer #8 · answered by Don Ricardo 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You don't. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
BUT...if you really plan on "rebuilding trust", then he will have to prove himself, plain and simple. He will have to be where he says he is when he says he is and with whom he says he is for a good year before some of the mistrust starts dying down. He can deal with that or walk now. It depends on what you want.
Sorry this happened. Be careful and good luck.
2006-09-14 12:06:10 · answer #9 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If the both of you can work it out and you are able to forgive him and be with him again, then I say work at it. But if in the end no matter how hard you try you can't deal with it. Just move on. Find yourself a new guy. One that hasn't cheated on you.
2006-09-14 12:06:42 · answer #10 · answered by SimpleGurl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋