My Adoption Story: I want to be closer to my birth mom....?

Question

My Adoption Story: I want to be closer to my birth mom....?
I am 13 years old,almost 14.I was adopted young is all I know.
Supposedly,when my birth mother was pregnant with me,my birth father died,which is true he really did.I didn't know all my life I was adopted in fact I haven't known that long at all!Well my real mom,I have known her as my cousin in the family.She's like a second cousin to my adoptive-dad.So I really am related to them.Nobody,has yet told me what age I was adopted at,but I can remember many things.I love my adoptive parents.But the problem is I haven't always been so close to my "was cousin..now mom".I mean I see her every now and then.Well just last week I saw her again,at my aunt's funeral.And the whole time her and I talked trying to get to remember each other better.I really want to be closer to her so bad! I miss her everday,do you think if my adoptive parents say it's ok it's a good idea to spend the summer with her? Any ideas on things to do,stuff like tha

Answer 1

Your real parents are the people who raised you. They love you and want what's best for you. Sit down with them and tell them just what you wrote here. Heck, print it out and let them read it. Then, ask them for the whole story on how you came to them.

It is very normal and reasonable for you to want to know your birth mom. Spending a summer with her is probably not the way to start. Start with lunch. If that goes well, perhaps a weekend afternoon. You can try for a weekend or more if your relationship with her progresses.

Don't get your hope up too high. She did give you up and may still not be interested in having a daughter. Take it one small step at a time.

And, remember that your mom and dad love you. Don't shut them out or make them feel like they've done wrong.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong with wanting to get to know your real mom, but just keep in mind that it might not go the way you want it to go. Your mom gave you up for a reason, which means she wasn't in a place to be a mother - which still might be the case now.
You have been blessed with adoptive parents who obviously love you very much and care for you - you should be very thankful. You might also want to think how you wanting to have a "mother/daughter" relationship with your mom will affect them.
Instead of spending a summer with your real mom - why not try something small instead - like going out to dinner with her or spending a weekend with her. Start off small and see how it goes, but don't forget that your parents are the ones who raised you and who love and support you.

Answer 3

you first need to talk to your adoptive parents and let them know how you feel, you are under age and they may not want you to. If they OK this, then you have to ask your birth mom, she may or may not want this. I think the summer is alot of time. Smaller chunks of time might be a better idea.

Answer 4

in keeping with risk you should get your adoptive mom and dad and your beginning mom mutually so which you would be able to communicate approximately all of those issues. Your beginning mom feels like she is being distant from you, she desires to appreciate the way you're doing customarily yet not a palms on aproch. you could remind her of your father, and which may be confusing for her. you should particular the way you sense to each physique and spot if there is a thank you to return to three form of deal. Your beginning mom might not be waiting for a teenager, so which you would be able to ought to provide her it gradual. First you should to speak to the discern you're closest with and spot how they sense approximately each and everything. there is not any guarentee that each and everything will paintings out yet a minimum of you could say you tried, and which you mom will understand which you're waiting while she is waiting. you could continually have a strained courting mutually with your beginning mom and you could finally end up greater like friends than discern infant, yet attempt to not positioned too plenty rigidity on your adoptive mom and dad, From the way you communicate it form of feels like they have performed a great job, and you should be greatful to have them.

Answer 5

I agree with the first answer. I think you need to be really mature, put yourself in others' shoes and seriously contemplate all of this. To be honest, I think you need to consider the feelings of your adoptive parents first and foremost. They are your parents, they raised you and provided for you.

And you don't need to talk to a counselor. Most of them don't know a whole lot.

Answer 6

mmmm. go talk to a counselor. there is a reason that she wasnt your "mom". just know that and that no matter you do she wont ever be your "mom". you can be closer to her but even a summer there still wont make her your "mom". imho have a good relationship but dont expect s "mom". if you do things will get messy. ive been through it, moved to another country to be with mine. i opened pandoras box. i dont regret it but it was so much harder than i thought it would be. there are a lot of emotions involved with a lot of people.