Sister-in-law drama?

Question

Okay, so drama is a bit of an overstatement.

My sister-in-law married a guy before us for two reasons: 1) to have kids and 2) to gain inheritance. She was a maid of honor until she treated my fiance and I like dirt at her wedding. She's still in our wedding, but we just made everyone "equal status."

Here's the situation: we are asking her for help (calling people, helping running errands, etc) and she never says anything but "well, I didn't do it like that!" We BOUGHT the dresses for all of the bridesmaids/groom's attendants, and she whines about the cut and shoes I wanted her to get. Eventually I said to screw it and just wear whatever shoes she wanted. If spending $40 for a pair of shoes is going to break her bank, then fine.

It's just getting to the point where I don't know how to handle her; everytime I try to enjoy the wedding, she talks about herself or rolls her eyes.

Question: How would you suggest handling this? I'm not going to kick her out of the wedding, but...

...I don't need this extra stress. My fiance has spoken with her, but she continues to ignore both of us.

Cold meds must be getting to me. Here are so more details:

The wedding is in 3 weeks.

She is the only family in the area to help out. My family is 200 miles away and my in-laws aren't able to help us.

For the record: she offered to help us.

Bridezilla? Nah--just more stressed out with the sister-in-law instead of the wedding. The wedding plans are great--we could care less what goes wrong. We're going to have a great day. I'm just sick of her whining.

Answer 1

Do you have some girlfriends that would be willing to help? Or is she your only option? I'm sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time right now. I just got married on August 26th and can relate. My sis-in-law was great until rehearsal night. She got b*tchy because she was tired and didn't think that everyone should have had to help us decorate the church, do a quick rehearsal, and go decorate the hall. Everyone was fed up with her. She stayed that way all night. It got to the point that I started being a b*tch back to her instead of talking with her. Suddenly she snapped at me infront of everyone because she DIDN'T like MY attitude. I told her that I was only doing to her what she was doing to everyone else and to get over it. She wasn't the only tired person there, the rest of us were, too! Needless to say, she still had an attitude the next day (which of course was the wedding). Well, we still haven't spoken and didn't talk much at the wedding even though she was a bridesmaid.

Enough of that, I know it doesn't sound easy, but just try to stay focused on the task at hand and just overlook her attitude. It's not her wedding and I wouldn't be afraid to tell her "Thank you for your opinion, I do value it, but this is my wedding and I don't want to do it the same way you did yours. Yours was special to you and I want mine to be special to me." Hang in there!! Good luck!!

Answer 2

OK, so the girl is a whiny twit of a brat, good to know for an answer here.

First of all, stop asking for her help. Do everything that you can yourself. When you absolutely have to have outside help, then call her. After she's done with her snide and rude comments about her wedding, just smile and say "I'm glad you did what you wanted, now we are doing the same." Then ignore her and do whatever you want. If she refuses to do things your way, then tell her that if she wants to run the show, then she needs to pay for the whole thing herself. I bet that will shut her up, for a moment anyway :-)

You aren't going to change her nasty behavior, and it's a little late for a change in the wedding party. Just do the best that you can for now. I'm sure that you can have a beautiful wedding day with or without her help and support.

Answer 3

Your not a bridezilla! My sister in-law was bad too! She couldn't pay for anything, so my husbands parents paid for every thing of hers. She asked to be in the wedding along with her daughter! She didn't come to my shower or bachlorette party either! I just made up my mind that I had more important things to worry about then her! It's been a little over a year now, and I haven't talked to her since. Do you have any friends, close co-workers that can help? Just try very hard to ignore her! Some people are just jealous and want to ruin your day!

Answer 4

Honey, why? Why are you stressing over someone who, CLEARLY, has no regard for anyone's feelings but her own. You must be trying to get into heaven. I'm getting married next year, and there's NO WAY I'd put up with that crap! For what? She's not gonna treat you any better after the wedding. This is just the tip of the iceberg. From this point on, find a kinder, gentler bridesmaid, and have your fiance deal with her-FROM NOW ON- if that's her brother. Whatever differences they have, she'll get over it. Whatever differences you two have, will linger for years (trust me, I've been there)
Enjoy YOUR day (did you see the emphasis on "your"?), enjoy your man, and focus on the important things-how beautiful you're gonna be, how happy you're gonna be, how wonderful marriage is gonna be. Send her to me if you need to! Congrats & Good Luck!

Answer 5

Drama seems to fit.

Stop calling her for help. You have been managing fine without her right? You do not need her. She needs you to give her chances to make problems for you.

I always advise people when there is someone in the wedding party who is causing problems to demote them to a guest. If that is truly not an option you can do one of the following things:

A: Ignore her and speak to her only when neccessary.

B: Let her have her way and ruin your day.

C: Put your foot down and squash her little attitude.

I personnally vote for C.

Let me just ask you something. Do you really want this person involved in what should be a very special day in your life? Ruining things just to make you unhappy?

When she says "I didn't do it like that" simply say sweetly and say "well I don't want to copy you hunny."

I hope I was some help. If you need anymore advice feel free to drop me an email.

Congratulations on your wedding!!! I wish you both many happy years together.

Answer 6

Hi there - let me tell you a bit about my wedding so you know where I'm coming from:

1) the night before, my "maid of honor" asked me to step aside so that SHE could marry my fiancee the next day (when I told him, he laughed and said "not with a gun to my head");
2) she refused to have the seamstress make her dress, saying she wanted to do it herself. She didn't finish it, because she'd convinced herself she'd be the bride instead, so at the last minute, a friend of my husband had to put her dress together with staples and tape;
3) On the way to the reception hall, all of the frosting slid off my cake and the glass cake topper cracked in half;
4) Someone stole the wine and wafers for the communion, forcing us to have our communion with punch and a shrink-wrapped Twinkie from my mother-in-law's purse...

... and I could go on. I've been happily married for over 20 years, and we still laugh at what happened at our wedding. That's how you deal with Nutso sister-in-law, who obviously has issues. You're marrying the guy because you love him, right? The wedding's a success if it ends in "I do" and you're married to him, yes? All else is trivia, truly.

We all end up with inlaws we could do without, yet saying, "why don't you take a hike?" isn't likely to do much for family relationships, so you do a certain amount of (inner) eye rolling and take deep breaths and tell yourself that you won't have to see her every day, thank God.

Sighing (to yourself) and saying (to yourself) "There she goes again - what a nutcase" is permitted, as is telling yourself that you'll keep future contact to only what you can't avoid, and aren't you glad your future husband is nothing like her?

The thing is, she isn't likely to change, and where she could be a close part of your life and this imporant event, she's electing to stand on the sidelines and complain, so she's missing out on what would be a really special time, not just for you, but for her. Feeling sorry for the poor, demented, confused girl is also permitted, and probably will save your sanity.

Let this roll off you with good humor, and you'll also score HUGE wife points with your husband to be. My husband and I kid about earning "brownie points that can be traded in for goods and services." When I have to ask a favor, it's nice to know I've earned it, and besides, while earning those hard-won brownie points, I know I'm making the life of the person I love easier.

Please don't let this poor basket case ruin your enjoyment of this special occasion! Good luck!

Answer 7

If she's that bad, then you should not ask her for any help. You never know if she will hold that over you in the future. You don't want to feel like you owe anything to a person likfe that. You should just try to handle things on your own, no matter how difficult it may be. And if she asks about wedding plans, you can tell her truthfully that you decided to just handle things on your own because her attitude and actions made you feel bad about planning the most important day of your life. That you didn't want her negativity to ruin your big day so you decided to just avoid her.

Answer 8

Being in the wedding party does not mean she has to run errands for you.

You should let everyone wear whichever shoes they want. Matchy-matchy wedding parties have been on the way out for years.

I truly don't see where there is any drama. You already did something rude by "de-moting" people from maid of honor.

Relax and have your wedding, it sounds like everything has already been taken care of.

Answer 9

Maybe you need to take her aside and say listen. I have enough stress right now without having to worry about you being bratty and whiny. Could you at least save it for after the wedding?

Or, just completely ignore her as much as possible. It's too bad you can't cut her out of the wedding, because that's what you need to do.

Answer 10

I wouldn't have a woman like this at my wedding....I don't care if she is your sister-in-law or not. All she is doing is causing you more un-due stress that you don't need right before your wedding. She sounds very immature. Planning a wedding is stressful enough. If she wants to help, then fine let her help...but all the eye rolling and crap needs to stop.