My husband works 40+ hrs a week and likes to come home and relax. I wanted to go out the other night w/ o our 11 month old son, he said that we can't "pawn" our son off to someone just because I want to go out. (just to dinner) I told him I need a break, I love my son to death but, staying at home 24/7 is driving me crazy. I do spend most of my day entertaining my son and playing but, I need time for me. He said that the moment they cut me open and took out our son we lost all of our freedom. I couldn't believe he said that. I just want to go out for 2 hrs top and have a nice HOT dinner. Am I being selfish? How can I get him to go out w/ me at least once a month?
2006-09-14 10:17:31 · 37 answers · asked by jakesmom 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
By all means no you are not being selfish! I too am a stay at home mom and understand where you are coming from.
I have a friend who works full time and she is more on the selfish side with 2 young kids....she gets her hair and nails done regularly. Joined a strip workout that is 2 days a week and has Vegas weekends at least 2-3 times a year. When does she ever spend time with the kids?
Anyway sounds like you're not that girl! Finding time to go to the bathroom, eating and just plain sitting by yourself is just hard to come by and that's if it comes at all.
Your husband does have freedom, he does the above by himself which is a great privileged. He feels by going to work he accomplished something and it's not changing a dirty diaper within 30 seconds!!!
Maybe try the approach that you want to spend time with him and it's important to your relationship that you have alone time.
Is it possible he feels some sort of resentment and feels you chose to stay home now deal with it? Very common. Go figure, but it is.
www.momsalmanac.com
2006-09-14 10:26:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't have near the responsibility that you do yet (I have one son, 6 months old) but I stay at home as well and look after him, pay the bills, keep up the house, etc. My husband is in the military so he works long hours. It's hard when he comes home and says he'll be doing fundraising this weekend, and the next, and the next...it's always something. My son isn't terribly demanding, but I do need a break sometimes and it seems impossible to get one. My husband wants a big family, and I wouldn't mind one either, but it's overwhelming just thinking of having another child right now. I'm sure you know what I mean. Do you have family around? If you do, I would ask if maybe they could take the kids for a weekend, or even just a day and you could go to a spa or do whatever you like to do. Maybe you and your husband could go together since it seems like he doesn't know how much work you do. Or even if you have siblings or good friends you could take a short vacation with them (maybe even a few days). Don't feel guilty. It's important for you and your family that you get away sometimes, even if its just for a few hours to get your hair done or something. Even though your husband works a lot, at least he is around adults which is something you need. Good luck!
2016-03-17 21:23:03 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every couple needs a little time alone. We all love our children and when you are a new parent you never want to be away from them. Yes you can "pawn" your children on someone like a grandparent, aunt, friend, it's just for a couple of hours not for 30 days. Your husband needs to stay home with the child for a couple of days and he will see that a stay home mom needs a dinner date just for the two of you at least once a week! Start by going out with other couples that have young children to and then work your way to just the couples only and then eventually you and him. He is just not ready to leave his son with someone else besides his mommy.
2006-09-14 10:46:38 · answer #3 · answered by adel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a stay at home mom again My kids are 5 and 3 i went back to work but now due to have my third baby so i am back to staying at home and i feel i do more work when i stay at home then when i "working" My husband had a similar attitude until i wrote down everything i do during the day and i gave hourly wages to everything and gave him a bill.....an i of course said how about a date like where do you think these kids came from!!!! after one date night he fell in love and on the nights i go out with friends he loves when i come home relaxed don't worry let it happen a few times and he won't want you not to go out good luck...ps why ask just go.....
2006-09-14 10:25:58 · answer #4 · answered by christina c 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You have to have that time. Your marriage wont make it with out just you too time. I'm also a stay at home mom i feel ya i love my girls to death but you do need that break. If he is so big on it then say OK well I'm going to take time to myself if you don't want to share the Time then im going to take a bubble bath watch your son. Keep doing that and stay in the bathroom pampering your self trust me the time your in the bathroom your hubby will be so stressed out he will start getting the hint. That you need a break.. He will come around. Best Of Luck
2006-09-14 10:26:45 · answer #5 · answered by shaylee b 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course you deserve a break. I've been a stay at home mom for 9 years. I never get a break. Unless you count going to the grocery store by myself a break. My children are 9, 7 and 4 yr old twins. I know how you feel. And you are right. I don't want to bash fathers but they just don't know how it is. I mean, you can't even go to the bathroom by yourself. At least he gets to have lunch out and talk to other adults. If he does not want to "pawn" your son off maybe he would care for your son while you go out. Tell him you need your sanity and you deserve a break. Good luck.
2006-09-14 10:30:30 · answer #6 · answered by cranky_gut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope that's not selfish. At least your husband gets to get away from his work. I was planning on going back to work and then I find out I'm pregnant again. I'm tired of being home all the time, tired of the same walls. My husband is to tired to go out I don't mind going out alone but I'm to tired anymore. I wouldn't mind just someone coming over to watch the 7 month old just to take a bath. I like going to church because then Im kid free 4 times a week for about 2 hours.
2006-09-14 10:48:28 · answer #7 · answered by ♥ to ...... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's dead wrong when he says that "the moment they cut you open" you lost all your freedom. That's not true at all. You do give up some freedoms being a parent. But you are not a slave to your child. Have your parents watch him. Your husband sounds like he's selfish. Leave him at home with your son and go out with your friends.
No one should be denied a chance to get out of the house, especially if it's just once or twice a month. You are in the right, he's in the wrong.
2006-09-14 10:29:35 · answer #8 · answered by Answer Schmancer 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No way, you are not being selfish!! His job is 40+ a week, your job is 24/7. Too bad you can't just come home and have your day be done.
You need to hire a sitter or get a friend to stay with your son and get out of the house, with our without your husband!
2006-09-14 10:20:33 · answer #9 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Yes you should get a break, and no you aren't being selfish. If he refuses to get a sitter to go out with you, just make him stay home with the kid while you go out on your own. After being alone with the kid for a couple of hours once a week, he'll probably agree you do need a break and go out with you next time.
2006-09-14 10:28:01 · answer #10 · answered by mommyem 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋