I'm pregnant & feeling quite blue. What can I do besides take medication to help me out of my funk?

Question

I already have a child, who was born early & got seriously ill, nearly died a week before his actual due date, & now has disabilities because of it. I am scared that this one will end up the same way, or worse. I can't feel like this for the next four months, or it might become a self-fufilling prophecy. I'm not normally sad, or depressed, or a worry wart. But my crystal ball is broken, & it seems like all I do now is fret over the birth of this child, when I should simply be enjoying my ability to be able to have kids. I have Paxil, but I don't think I should be taking things like that right now; I haven't taken it in months anyway; & I don't want to start again.
I have talked to people about my feelings, but they dismiss them by saying that there's nothing to worry about. But they're not me, & haven't spent three weeks of their lives in a pediatric ICU waiting for their first born to fight his way back from the very edge of death's door.
I don't know how to stop feeling this way.

Answer 1

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I trust that your first born is doing well? I'm sure that your son's medical problems were not your fault. I know several people who have a sibling with serious medical conditions. One of my friend's sister was born with Down Syndrome. You haven't said the nature of your son's medical problems, but odds are that it was just a random thing that happened. There's no reason to think that this baby will have medical issues too. I'm NOT dismissing your worries; it's normal to be worried. But you should do things to take your mind off this stressful situation. Get together with family or some girlfriends, go out to eat, go shopping, do something nice for yourself. The more you focus on the bad things, the worse you're going to feel. Lean on some friends for support, and make them treat you to a good time. : )
Good luck sweetheart.

Answer 2

Dearest Angie,

Of COURSE you are worried!! Darlin', you and the Dad have gone through living hell. Lucky you to be coming out the other side of it with a living child. There are some things you can do, and they are NOT worthless.

1. You are right that you cannot take Paxil right now. Besides, you are now stronger than that. You do need to be talking to God each and every day. I call this getting out the cannons...the BIG guns, and getting real, true help!! God can move mountains and He can delicately reach inside you and hold your little one in his hands to keep him or her totally safe. It's a shame you cannot see it.

2. Stay in close touch with your doctor or your doctor's assistant. Are you seeing the same Ob/Gyn that you saw the first time? If so, they understand that you are extremely concerned about this babe. You are paying a premium price to go to the doctor, don't be afraid to call and ask.

3. Make certain that every building block for that child inside you is extremely healthy. Pay strict attention to your nutrition.

4. DO NOT FORGET YOUR PRENATAL VITAMINS.

5. Be kind to yourself on a regular basis. I know that you are caring for your precious first child and that one is probably demanding, but you need some attention, too. Get a pedicure, get a manicure, better ... get a massage on a regular basis.

6. Talk to a girlfriend and talk over your fears with your husband. You need to vent in a gentle way. If you face your fears by discussing them with someone else, you recognize them and you can pray about those specific things as well. Once you look them over, you will find that you got through hell before and YOU ARE STRONGER NOW.

Stay focused, stay centered, don't borrow trouble and know that you are in God's hands. It's all good. If you would like to talk, e-mail me and I will give you my number or you can give me yours.

Hugs, Hon, you'll make it. I have no doubts...I'm already praying.

Answer 3

I'm not certain how you tapered off paxil. If you quit it suddenly, paxil withdrawal can last for years and may actually be what is making you feel this way. I pray that paxil was not the reason behind your first child's illness - it is known to cause birth defects, and many studies are finally being done on the long-term effects.

If you quit paxil suddenly, you may want to visit the site below. Rebound depression usually hits at months 5-7 and again at months 9-11, and may return again.

Answer 4

This is when you must trust God. Do not take medications. I suggest you listen to good music (good for your older child, too), play with your first-born and read to him. The child in the oven will also benefit from your calm.

You can't do much right now so leave the child within in God's hands. Except for having extra ultrasounds and checkups, that's all you can do.

By the way, you aren't alone. You might look for a support group of mothers who have lost or had a disabled child on their first pregnancy.

Answer 5

I've never been in your personal situation but I can tell you, you probably need to seek therapy. Talk to your regular physician if you are thinknig you may need medication. Exercise is good to do when you are pregnant along with anytime- it may help relieve some of the stresses you are having and keep you healthy. but again- talk to your doctor first. Bottom line nothing is going to make you forget what you went thru with your other baby, but be confident that it wont happen again. Expect and hope for the best! Good luck! I'm sure you and your new baby will be happy and healthy!

Answer 6

Please focus on the baby being born in perfect health. Sunlight and fresh air with a little exercise are great for depression. Sounds like yours is situational rather than clinical, due to your prior experience. Ask your doctor about Paxil.

Answer 7

Think about the fun things your two little ones will enjoy together later. Needle point baby things, and fix up that precious little one's nursery! Good luck, I have 3!

Answer 8

Do U go to church any where? some churches offer a prograhm called a stephens minstry, where u have someone to meet with,once a wk. too talk to and pray with, and they always pray for you. The POWER of Prayer is Amazing!