After being strung out from one extreme to the other...how do you learn to stand up for yourself again the right way...My daughters fathers gf has a big trap and every once in awhile i open my mouth...alittle to much...how can i learn to stand up to her while getting my point across but not foolishly
2006-09-14 09:52:39 · 13 answers · asked by Jennifer P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I imagine you have some emotions involved when you're speaking with you daughter's father's girlfriend and that just makes the situation all the more difficult for you. It's always easier to speak more eloquently and effectively when you just don't care very much... and always much more difficult when you really do. I'm not saying that you are in any way not over your ex or anything... I'm just saying that the situation might be making you somewhat uncomfortable. Why is the girlfriend dealing with you anyway!? It should be your daughters father whom you're speaking with.
If I were you I would just take a step back from the situation emotionally and then reevaluate what point you want to get across. Make it clear the next time a conversation comes up that you are trying to be civil and mature about the situation for your daughter. Only converse about your daughter and do so in the politest of ways. Just be casual and civil and only speak to her about your child. Then you will look mature... and if she tries to cause conflict or an issue tell her that you'd appreciate it if she spoke to your daughters father about the issue and then you can discuss it with him at an appropriate time, perhaps via the phone and not in front of your child. Just walk away if you feel the need to say something out of frustration or anger. Then you'll make her look like the foolish/childish/rude one... and you'll look like the one with the backbone (who doesn't let the little/unimportant things and people bother her!)
Best wishes!
2006-09-14 10:19:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, learning to know it's coming is important. I have learned this slowly. Know the person is gonna say or do something stupid to make you angry......if you expect it, then it's easier to curb your words. Secondly, dont' put yourself in a situation where you have to deal with her in the first place. When you ARE confronted, before speaking, stop and take a breath, and think to yourself, "I am more mature and smarter than this woman, and I will respond in a way that will prove those things." If you act uneffected, yet still say what you feel in a mature tone, you will show not only that you have backbone, but that you are not a hot head. REmember, you dont' want to look like a fool, remind yourself of that over and over, yet......dont' be a door mat. Sometimes you dont' have to say anything........silence can be very powerful sometimes.
2006-09-14 16:59:34 · answer #2 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wait until you are a calm to talk to her. Most people shut down their listening or become defensive when they hear anger. When you arent so angry you can talk to her about whatever the problem may be. That is the best way to show your strength to when you dont show your anger at whatever she may say, she maybe trying to get under your skin and since she has done it before she thinks that she can do it again, show strength by letting her be the foolish one and just keep quiet until you are calm cool and collected. Give time to collect your thoughts and think about what you say before you say it and it will show that you are the bigger and better person in the end. Good luck
2006-09-14 16:59:49 · answer #3 · answered by tiggerluvnmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, I know your problem. But all i can say is that those kinds of girls can not be talked to. They live for the argument and will not stop yelling or doing something (like enforcing actions speak louder than words) until you back down. It is a losing fight that you can't win. Just keep your mouth closed and keep it cool or make her mad and she will never forget it. Either way it is not pretty.
2006-09-14 16:59:55 · answer #4 · answered by jerryjames619 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By using logic! Women dont know how to use logic, and when they do, its going to be a monumentous point in history!!
But, one thing to learn, do not raise your voice!
Be assertive in your attitude, with out raising your voice, and it will make your point across better!
Speak in a "lower voice", so that she has to strain to listen to you, so that you will have her attention :)
Also, dont argue with an idiot! Some people wont be able to tell, after awhile, which one is which!!!!
I wish you well..
Jesse
2006-09-14 17:13:19 · answer #5 · answered by x 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there somebody you respect and admire, who is assertive but not aggressive? When you're in a situation, think of what she would say.
It also helps to rehearse certain situations before they occur - or run them by somebody whose opinion you respect.
2006-09-14 16:58:55 · answer #6 · answered by farmgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Roll your eyes, look at her like she's done lost her mind and include in that look an expression that says.. jeez will you shut the **** up already.
2006-09-14 17:03:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all you have to get over him, then standing up to her will be a piece of cake. just remember she dosen't have anything you haven't thrown away.
2006-09-14 16:55:41 · answer #8 · answered by iwearpink4life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
practice in front of a mirror.
2006-09-14 16:54:22 · answer #9 · answered by christinaz22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
JUST BE TACTFUL AND TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL AND THEN TELL HER THAT YOU DON'T EVER WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN.
2006-09-14 16:55:41 · answer #10 · answered by oceanwvs2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋