When do you think it's the right time...?

Question

Of course I'm not trying to start spanking my son--he's only seven months old but when do you think it's the right time to start spanking--as in when do you think it's an effective way to punish a child?

If you don't believe in spanking--this question isn't for you--skip it. If I feel I need to spank my child, I will. I don't want a lecture about spanking. I do think it's an effective way to get a point across, I don't really care if you don't.

I'm not looking forward to spanking--my friend and I are debating and would like other opinions.

Answer 1

Just to clarify, I was spanked as a child and I grew up just fine, and have millions of other people. I've been in childcare for more than 11 years now, and when you're watching other people's children spanking is not an option. So although I do think that spanking is an effective way of discipline, I've also had experience not using it. While I'm all for "creative discipline" with kids that are older, younger kids just don't have the capacity to understand these concepts. Keep in mind that to discipline means to teach, and for a younger child, spanking may be the way to teach him that something isn't okay. Honestly, spanking is something he's going to understand young, where as trying to explain his wrong actions isn't going to get you anywhere. I would use spanking sparingly, and only when it's a serious situation. For example, if he's going after something dangerous, a cup of hot coffee for instance, and you've said no and taken him away from it, spanking him when he goes back to the scalding hot coffee would teach him that that object has unpleasant repercussions. He would realize that he doesn't want to go near the coffee. Now when he's a little older you can explain to him that it's hot, but for now, he's learning that going near the coffee hurts, even though he doesn't understand "hot" yet. I'm sure you'd rather have him stay away from the coffee becasue you spanked him once, then letting him burn himself to figure it out. Once he's old enough to recognize that "NO", along with your facial expression, and tone of voice means "that's not okay", he's old enough to understand that the next step (after the warning) is spanking. Each child is different, so this could be at a different age for each child. Just remember to only use it in serious situations when he's younger. As he gets older and understands you when you say "No throwing your sippy cup." then you warn him that he's going to be spanked next time, then you can start using it in such situations. Just keep in mind that throwing food, putting things in his mouth, and disobeying you are ways of him learning, and testing his limits as gains independence, so be patient. Overall, you're his mother, you're going to know when he's old enough to understand spanking and discipline. Once he understands it, it then becomes effective. So trust yourself. Don't let others sway you from your instincts.

Answer 2

Almost all children are very sensitive to a good parent's favor. Usually a stern or displeased look is enough. Punishment of any sort should only be used for willful defiance - the sort of thing where the child knows full well what the rules are, but breaks them intentionally anyway. All children will conciously try this, at least a few times, and I'm not speaking about the "terrible two's." I wouldn't even consider anything beyond a firm word before the age of about 4 years old. A child that knows he/she is loved and cherished by a parent who sees their role as the child's tutor/mentor/leader/guide will instill love/admiration/respect in their child. They will want to do good and please you.

In a case of wrong doing, if the parent has esetablished love/admiration/respect, the key thing is to convey to the child that they have been busted in sheer disobedience. Spanking does this, but so does firmly holding the child with both arms at arms length, staring them down right into their eyes, and using the power of "parental displeasure" clearly spoken into them by your posture, eyes and tone. I see nothing "magical" in spanking per se, it's the clear conveyance to them that you know they've done wrong and the clear conveyance that they've earned a form of reprimand.

Nothing you do will mean a thing unless the child respects you first and wants your favor. The form of punishent is no where near as relevent as the knowledge that the little one has been busted and earned your displeasure.

Answer 3

I started spanking my daughter as soon as I felt that her behavior was in rebellion/temper tantrum. I try to spank her as soon after the action as possible. But the spanking never comes without stopping whatever I am doing and explaining to her in detail what she did wrong and why I spanked her. Kids understand more than we think and now she is five years old and I can ask her first what she is doing wrong and tell her that I want her to stop, and then if the behavior continues, I spank. I think spanking is extremely effective as long as the child understands why. I feel a little bad, but I started with her at about 8-10 months old. I felt she understood her own behavior enough and if I made her understand younger that it is not acceptable to throw fits and rebel that it would be easier to control later, which has been correct so far. Good luck!!!

Answer 4

I would not spank until the child is able to reason and use logic. My oldest was 12 when he had his first spanking because I used other methods to help him understand his behavior. My daughter was younger about 8. I now have a son that is 2. I think spanking can be used effectively but other methods are sometimes more effective. Spanking my daughter just creates anger in her....I have to be more creative than just resorting to spanking. Although, in some instances nothing else works. I believe you can not be angry when you are spanking a child because you may not have control of the situation in that case. Something I have realized is that you do not have to cause pain for a child to change his/her behavior. If a child is allowed to ...they just want to please you if you have a mutual trust and respect built. Just my thoughts.

Answer 5

I spanked my sons very little. When they were young a swat on the hand or leg gets their attention. Tell them NO then a swat. time out and such may work for some but not others. Taking away things works when they get older, but young children can be strong willed and people will say never spank, but you are the one who has to live with them and an undisciplined child is a nightmare. Oh never spank if you are really mad, cool off a little and then deal with the problem. Lastly Everyone including me has advise, you are there you are probably the best judge of what your child requires. Good luck.

Answer 6

um, after the child can understand english? i've read that it's important, if you're going to spank a child, to administer the spanking and then calmly explain to the child why the punishment was given. a lot of times spanking is dished out in anger and that can be dangerous. however, if you wait till when you're not angry anymore it seems kind of cruel, no? plus the kid won't really tie the behavior to the punishment. that's also why it's important to speak to the child after to make sure you let them know what it was about, that you don't hate them, still love them etc. i understand you don't want to hear it from people and i can't say i don't believe in spanking but studies have been done about it and they've determined that spanking can actually facilitate violence in children. it can be effective, sure, but you have to make it effective, you can't just start flailing at your kids and expect them to get the message.

Answer 7

Congratulations on your baby!

I'm not having children but I agree with you; it's definitely an effective way to get the point across! I was spanked when I was a kid and I remember why I was spanked and I never did the action to cause the spanking again! Spankings are NOT beatings; I was spanked because I was loved and I was doing something that could have really hurt me had I not listened to my parents. Good for you for standing your ground!

Answer 8

My parents started spanking me as soon as I was old enough to understand. Children are capable of being conditioned at a very early age. I'm sure it is different for every child. They didn't beat me with a 2x4, but I think a little pop on the hand is very effective for a small child...especially when it comes to recognizing danger like outlets or hot surfaces or pulling something down onto himself. I know I was less than a year old when my parents started spanking me. I'm 22 now and as far as I know I turned out fine.
Good Luck ; )

Answer 9

Well, I would say about 3-4 yrs. old. Then they are a little more aware of what they do and should not do. I've heard many of those people who don't believe in laying a hand on their child but every parent decides how they discipline their kids. Spanking the little ones is OK. but only as a last resource and when really needed.So as a parent yes yo should discipline your child to teach them right from wrong, but most important is that they should listen and respect you.

Answer 10

I'm with you!! My parents spanked me and I turned out just fine. I think that parents need a way of discipline that works and that worked for me when I was a child. A little tap here and there to get your point across is not child abuse. I think around the age of 2 or 3 with a little tap on the hand and saying no would be ok. Spanking on the bottom should probably wait until around the time they start school.