I am 31 yrs old and I have met my mom once.She now calls telling me she loves me.What should I do?

Question

Like I said....I have only met her once. Now she is searching for a relationship. She calls and tells me she loves me, but I am not as free with those words as some may be. I want to forgive.....but I have a family now and I want to be a mother to my children. I even asked my mother who my father was and she couldn't even tell me that!!! I asked her why she left me with Grandma.....and she told me because granddaddy tried to mess with her. I understood her....but it made me mad because he did me that way too. Except he did not just try.......he did what he sought out to do. That bothers me because she knew how he was and left me there to be taken advantage of!!!!

Answer 1

I no that she is your mother and all but jst to leave u there with him even though she know wot she woz like personally i wouldn't want any thing to do with her concentrate on being a fantastic mother to your own children

Answer 2

Wow... that's really serious. Please think about seeking counseling. While it's very important to forgive people who've done wrong things to us, it's also very important that you find healing in the process.

Tell your mother to slow her roll. Let her know she will need to understand that you are still hurting and in the process of healing from this horrible experience. Your mother may have been very young and immature when she made that decision to have you live with that monster. She may not have been able to process the fact that this could happen to you also. She may have thought that her grandfather's behavior would only be geared toward her.

You need to express, work through and resolve your pain and anger towards her. You are not obliged to say the words " I Iove you" back if you don't feel that way especially since she's still withholding information that is vital to you moving on.

You have the right to know who your father is... Regardless! So, let her know that love is about action... and her actions are not showing love and it's certainly going to take a whole lot of time and re-building in order to establish trust and security. At the very least she needs to know that saying I love you and expecting you to give her a a warm fuzzy response back is unreasonable and not justifyable at this point.

You can always respond to her by taking it very very slow. Your mother should also seek counseling and come to the realization that you need time to heal and forgive...don't feel bad or wrong if you choose to just keep the relationship social until things change. A simple hello and how are you (every now and then)... will be sufficient.

Also, did you report that man? Hope he spent time in jail. He should not be allowed near children ever again. Disgusting! Very... Very sorry you experienced that awful trauma. Definitely seek counseling... it could only help.

Answer 3

Mother father's relation is the base of any human. But my suggestion to you is think of your self first. Are you feeling OK if she is coming back to you. What are your feeling. Are you looking for mother in your life as you said you met her first. Because human makes mistake. Maybe she is laying or maybe she had enough and looking for some family. It's you who has to decide. Its depend on you how tightly you are holding on it. Maybe you are looking for this relationship and she comes and mess up again. If you are thinking what it could be like if you had mother then go ahead and get her into your life. If you are thinking why should I . Because when I needed her she wasn't there so why should I baby sit when she is getting old. Life and relationship is a game of emotions. If you have emotional attachment go ahead another wise you are wiser then me.

Answer 4

Time has a way of making us all reflect and sometimes desire to correct what wrongs we have done by others.....many times this is within the family unit.

Am sorry to hear some of what you had to endure. It is indeed sad to hear that he took advantage of both of you.
A way out may have been all her mind could offer her at that time, perhaps with the hopes that someone would come to your rescue when she was dealing with her own hurts.

When you have not had any real relationship of any form, it is hard to try and connect immediately with someone who may long to have one with you.

But regardless of what has happened, she is and will always be your birth mother.
What type of mother she was when you were growing up and what type mother she may wish to now be may be two different worlds.

Perhaps you should just be thankful you BOTH have another chance to make good on this relationship?
Too late is when you do not have that time.

Best wishes to you and your FAMILY!

Answer 5

1: Talk to her from a position of strength. Let her know that you are emotionally secure.
2: Ask her what she means by "love". What does she mean?
3: Pity her (genuinely, find it in your heart).
4: Try to help her.
5: Back off the moment you feel uncomfortable. Make sure she knows that you will not be used.
6: If it all goes bad, forgive her.

Answer 6

Oh my, this is tough . I think you need to search your heart .
Most times if I follow my instints { gut feelings } I do ok . Maybe have her over , or just go out for coffee with her alone and talk things out . Since you are also a Mom you can imagine how it must hurt . If you get the feeling that she is only a user , run her off . Good luck and God Bless .

Answer 7

You have been through a rough time you should not judge her. she did not protect you she should of done. I am bringing my grandaughter up, on my own, its not easy but i know her mum loves her, she is just not together enough to look after her at the present. I can understand your anger and i expect she feels guilt about the past. Forgive her she probably did not mean to do you wrong.
I have done things wrong with my kids in the past i did not mean to do, in ignorance. One day your own kids may come to you angry at this and that You need to work on your relationship now. tell her your hurts but do not get angry its time for healing. God bless Denise. He was awful doing that sickly man.

Answer 8

i was also one who was not loved up until i had my own life and found out who my dad was instead of my mom and neither one of me actually tells me they love me they say they loved me as os before they did but they had no way of taking care of me. i think the most important now is i can say i have got to hear there voice and remember they are your mom even if you were raised by someone else they still cared for you while you were in their belly and that is hard and having the baby come out i know that cause going throughpregnancy with no help and living with someone who abuses you is hard i actually lived the life my mom did and i had two so far and they are not easy to just pop out. I have allot of hate inside because of the life i lived alone but so did your mom or she wouldn't have to give you to her mom. I am sorry you truly went through that but atleast it was not the state taking over your life cause they don't care worth crap. i lived that life for 18 years treat her as if you just found a new friend with your blood involved and make sure your family always comes first before anything.!!

Answer 9

I am 34 and lost my Mom at age 27. You only get one Mom in life, and this is yours whether you are happy about it or not. The past is in the past, and I'm sure when your Mom says she loves you she means it. We all tend to hurt those we love, and she has obviously hurt you. Being a mother yourself you should understand the unconditional love you feel for a child, even before they are born.

Answer 10

what's incorrect with that. Age is in hassle-free terms a selection. My mom's friends merely had a mid life disaster and divorced his spouse and married a 20 year previous and that they now have a a million month previous son.