I am a 25 year old Indian girl. I work full time and am doing a part time MBA course at work. I live at home and my parents wont let me move out! I have to face emotional abuse and guilt from them when Im at home. I dont have any friends where I live.
I was speaking to one friend (old college friend - she nows lives 100 miles away from me) at 11pm last night. My parents must have heard me talking on the phone and my mum came in all angry and told me to get off the phone. I heard my dad bickering all angry to my mum afterwards. This got me depressed and I cried. They dont care as long as I dont have friends.
I never go out. only into town to shop for clothes and stuff. I work 9-5, mon -fri. I come straight home after work.
My life is so depressing and I feel so lonely. I live on the net everyday I come home...
Is there anyone who understand what Im going through.....? :*(
2006-09-14 07:24:03 · 52 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I gets worse..they want me to marry a n indian guy and i am currently in love with a white man..for nearly 2 years now..i want to marry him.....
2006-09-14 07:49:12 · update #1
I know and I understand what you are going through! You should have moved out a long time ago when you started university (if you studied in university that is), you should have looked for a university which is far away, that would have been a good reason to move out! But anyway, your parents are being like that because they might think that when you move out, you might do stupids things like (according to Indian parents) you might fall in love with some guy and go out, party, go to the pub and stay out all night which are things that are not very welcomed by most asian people! I know Indian people have arranged marriages..etc! But you need to make you parents understand that these kinds of things are out of date, and that you want to be free and want to enjoy your life! What you could do is either move out even if your parents don't agree, they will go mad but you can't help it, it is your life, or you could look for a better job far away and tell your parents that it is your dream job and you have to do it and just move out! I feel so sorry for you! Your parents are just following their traditions and cultures which are out of date! You live in a different generation to them and you need to make them understand that, just reassure them that you will still follow your traditions and cultures and that you will not do anything 'stupid'!
Good luck!
2006-09-14 08:05:56 · answer #1 · answered by Cutey McPretty 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You think you're depressed NOW? Wait until you see how you feel getting married to a man you don't love? Not a day will go by that you don't wish for death! The hell with your parents. They already lived their lives now it's time to live YOURS! Parents should Give their child life not condemn them TO life. Your parents are controll freaks and have NO compassion for their child,. As long as they get their way, that's all that counts. If you work full time, what the hell are you waiting for. Start looking for your own place. ANd don't give me that bull sh it about THEY won't let you go, either. You are an adult so start acting like one. Freedom is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. You'll write back in a year and thank me for this.You're the one making the choice to be depressed. SO start changing things. Look for an apartment when you are at work. Pay the rent in advance then move OUT! Even if you have to sleep on the floor and must wait for furniture, do it. ANd if they get mad about his, so what? They'll get over it. If they call you and start with the guilt, cut the conversation short. If they show up at your apt and start, tell them to leave until they can act respectful towards you. Put your foot down. They'll get over it eventually.
2006-09-15 17:18:24 · answer #2 · answered by pinkrosegreeneyes bluerose 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right.
You need to take control of your life. My parents can be overbearing as well, though not quite to that extreme degree, but it is only because they feel they have to protect you. Running away will only make things worse. You need to sit down with them and have a nice long adult conversation and let them know how you feel.
To make you feel guilty about wanting to leave is ridiculous. You need to let them know that from here on in YOU are going to make the decisions about YOUR life. Nobody else. That is not to say you cannot consult them when you are unsure. That's what parents are there for.
It might be a bit daunting to just leave right now without planning it carefully and, given your apparently sheltered life, are more likely to end up back at home before too long. There is nothing wrong with living at home if you are comfortable doing that. But your parents need to respect your privacy and independence, despite living under their roof. If you feel you are ready to move out and have the finances to back that then by all means do so. Do not let your parents guilt trip you into anything you don't want to do. How long were you planning on putting yourself through this? Another year? Until you were 30? Maybe 35?
In any case you need to go out and have fun. That I know for sure. You need to experience living before it's too late. Developing your social skills is an important part of life. It greatly affects one's confidence. Join a sport's club or use a hobby to meet people (online does not count by the way). If you don't have a hobby, get one. Find out what interests you.
Go out. Make friends. Have fun. Good luck.
(c:
2006-09-14 07:48:38 · answer #3 · answered by alan_mesfin 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
At 25 do you really think you should still be living with your parents? I know it will be difficult but can you not move out, maybe even go and live with your friend 100 miles away? This will make your parents appreciate you more. I really think you have to take control of your own life, and not take the easy way out and stay at home and suffer. Your parents may get upset but if you explain to them that they are ruining your life, maybe they will back off a little. Good luck
2006-09-14 07:37:55 · answer #4 · answered by Swampy_Bogtrotter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that you're going through that. What would happen if you moved out??? I mean you have a full time job and I assume could support yourself. I know deep down you may love your parents but in order for you to live you need to free yourself from them. In time I'm sure they would get over it and you could be a family but if not then I hate to say it but you're better off without the abuse and guilt. If you go on with this and when you are on your own years down the road you may not know how to "live" without being controlled and keep the cycle going by choosing the wrong man too. To your parents you will always be their baby regardless of how many years you've been on this earth. Maybe they don't want to see you make mistakes and are "protecting" you from making them... even though they should allow you to live and grow on your own... best of luck hun...stay strong
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2016-04-20 18:11:51 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
man thats a hard one.
I am not Indian though I have had and do have Indian friends.
I know this. They do this because they love you. They do this because it is custom. They do this for face and respect in the community.
there are probably many more reasons that I cannot answer.
there are places where you can seek proper advice. But you must weigh up how you want your life to develop. I am not saying that your family would disown you but how would you cope if they did . Would you be able yo live with it. would you blame your partner?
this is just one site it might help but there are many others
http://www.forcedmarriage.nhs.uk/ethnicsupport.asp
if I can be of help just as well if i can help taffsean@yahoo.co.uk
hope you find the answers you are looking for
2006-09-14 09:32:25 · answer #7 · answered by taffsean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When people worry about other people, such as your parent toward you, after a while it becomes a controlling situation. Then the love become a bad thing.
Forget about the MBA course for now, prioritize your life. Find a roommate or move out on your own. Be sure that you set yourself up in a SAFE environment, and try to in an environment that your parents will not freak out on.
When you can prove to them that they have nothing to worry about and that you can make good and safe decisions, in time they will loosen up and the control factor will be respect from them.
By doing that, you not only help yourself, but help them.
2006-09-14 07:45:59 · answer #8 · answered by timer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you live at home and also live in a culture that tries to marry you off.
Even in America a 40 year old living at home has to obey the rules.
If your parents are Hindu and you decide to become a Western Atheist, do you think they'll like hearing Tool blaring out from the door of your room!
If you had a son or daughter living at home and YOU paid all the bills, would you let them treat you like you were a buss boy at some restaraunt!
Would you let them sell Heroin out of their room!
I feel sorry for you, because they are very strict.
Save up our money and buy a plane ticket to the UK, Cananda or America and see if you can get a job and place here and find yourself.
I was talking with a 24 year old American Girl recently at 11pm and her dad just came into her room and started yelling at her about this and that and I could hear it over the phone.
I was talking today with a 19 year old who had to stop talking to me because she had to go do "chores."
This is reality.
Unless you live alone.
My view comes from very limited sources. I know one girl from there and she is very vague about what she is unhappy about, but she faces the same things. While her parents send her off to the 2 year college she tells me she "faces" things that bother her, but she dosen't elaborate.
In the 1950s movie Apu by Satjait Ray a man was to marry a girl and he feaked out at the last moment so his "best man" had to marry her so his family could save face.
This is my only view of India.
It's a very strange culture.
2006-09-14 07:58:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about this. Listen up though, you are a WOMAN and you CAN survive without the "aid" of your parents. Perhaps they were raised with certain traditions and morals that don't necessarily fall in line with what people in our generation are raised on. But, regardless of that, you are your own person and do not need to deal with this illogical nonsense your parents are throwing your way. It's sick.
It is entirely up to you to make a change in your life. If I were you I'd start saving up to move out. Maybe you can meet up with that old college friend 100 miles away and look for a home there. You need a fresh start to YOUR life. You are too old to allow your parents to run the show.
They need to understand that it is time to let go. Do you think you can manage a calm conversation with them? Do you think they will hear you out? Give it a shot.
Good luck!
2006-09-14 07:29:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋