I am at work ..board, can anyone tell me a funny joke pleaasse?

Question

jokes

Answer 1

An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells him, "there's bad news and there's worse news. The bad news is that you have cancer."

"WHAT?!! That's terrible! What could possibly be worse than THAT?" the old man yelled.

"The worse news is that you have Alzheimer's." said the doctor.

The old man sighed in relief and said: "At least I don't have cancer!"

Answer 2

Here's one. True story too, was in the newspaper from the town. (don't recall where, it was probably a good 10 years ago.)

An elderly lady drove into her local grocery store parking lot and noticed a woman with one hand on the wheel of her car, and the other on the back of her head. Noting it looked odd, the woman paid no more attention and did her shopping.

When the elderly woman emerged from the store with her groceries an hour later, she noticed the lady was still in her car, in the same position. So she went to the drivers side of the car and knocked on the window, asking the woman if she was ok. The woman didn't move.

Getting nervouse, the elderly lady went to the store manager and told him what she has observed. The store manager went outside and knocked on the ladies window and asked if she was ok. The woman again didn't respond.

The store manager contacted the police, and went outside to wait for the patrol car. When the police arrived, the manager stated what was going on and pointed out the woman in the car, who had now been inside for over an hour and a half.

The police officer went to the window and knocked, and again the woman ignored him. Talking to the woman through the window, he got her to unlock the door and he pulled it open.

He asked the woman if she was ok, and she replied "No. I've been shot in the head!" Then she gave her story.

She had done some shopping and came outside to put her groceries in her car. When she sat down in her seat, she heard a loud band, and felt something strike the back of her head. When she put her hand back there, she felt something soft and spongy and knew her brains were leaking out. So she held her hand there to hold her brains in her head.

The police officer did a quick check in the back seat and found a tube of pillsbury bisquits, which had burst. Checking the back of her head, the lady was holding a wad of dough to her hair. The police officer explained what was going on, and the woman, extremely embarassed, drove away.
























By the way, the woman is a Blonde.

Answer 3

HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.

SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything............

Answer 4

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

Answer 5

This is kind of stupid but I thought it was kind of cute....Enjoy it :)

A young boy is playing with his trains in the living room while he mother does dishes in the kitchen. Suddenly, the mother hears the young boy start to talk...He says:

"We're here so if this is your stop get your bags and get your *** off the train, if you're just coming on board, sit down and shut up"

The mother, hearing this, comes into the living room to get after her son saying,

"We do NOT talk like that, you are grounded in your room for two hours"

The little boy goes up to his room and stays there until his time out is over then he comes back downstairs to play with his train again....His mother, still in the kitchen overhears him talking again,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for riding with us today. If this is your final destination, please gather your belongings and exit the train carefully. If you're just joining us, welcome! We apologize for the two hour delay. Should you have any questions, go talk to the ***** in the kitchen"

:) Hope that helps...

Answer 6

did you hear about the guy who chose not to be an entrepeneur and have his own business and set his own hours and be in control of his destiny...but instead worked, not for himself, but for someone else, stayed at this job where he was bored and...get this...wrote E-mails to total strangers asking for jokes to break his self-imposed monotony?!