Why does my SAHM wife, blame me for working?

Question

If I am going to the bathroom and my kids are climbing on me she says, "See what I have to go through every day!"

What, she has three children climbing on her while a PERFECTLY HEALTHY PERSON WHO IS ABLE TO OCCUPY THEM is standing in the doorway screaming at her?

Also I get put on diaper duty as soon as I walk in the door because she's, "...been changing diapers all day."

I would admit this is a reasonable statement if I was sitting on the couch all day long, but I wasn't there to change any diapers during the day.

SAHM fire away!

Answer 1

Haha...I totally understand. As a mom who works I am constantly being criticized by SAHMs. No matter how "hard" they think they have it, they should consider the following:

- when my subordinates act up I cannot even yell at them without fearing a lawsuit
- I haven't seen a daytime TV program, that's right, even Oprah, since college...if you have that means there is more free time in your day than mine
- I don't get to tell my co-workers to sit down at my desk and start doing my job because it's 5:00

and in your case
- why should her "work day" be over and not yours
- I'll give them yard work, but why should anything else be "your job"; does she come to your office and "help out" so that you can "be a team"

You both need to spend quality time with the kids - absolutely, but taking the kids to the park is quality time; picking up the livingroom isn't. If I had a stay-at-home-husband, I would want all of the household stuff taken care of so that we could do family things in the evenings.

I know tons of people are going to give me thumbs down for this rant, but this is the truth. If SAHM is your job, then treat it like a job from 8 - 5 and be done with it (for the most part...for a few years there will still be diapers, but dishes can sit until 8 am the next day).

Answer 2

Since no one else has said, I will - SAHM = Stay At Home Mom.

Now that that is explained maybe it will clear some things up for others.

To answer the question. Marriage and a family are a 24 hour a day JOB to say the least.

Your wife is home all day with the kids having to take care of their every complaint as well as cleaning the house doing the laundry, buying the groceries, running errands, kids to scool (if that age), kids to the doctors when necessary, probably making home related phone calls for you because you can't make them at work and who knows what else she does. Okay, That's her 40 hour a week job.

Now you. You go off to work every day and do what ever you do for a living in order to bring in the money to pay for the groceries, the electric, gas, telephone, doctor bills, school clothes, work clothes, wife's clothes, car(s) and whatever else the two of you spend your money on. You put up with the pressures of your job for that pay check. That's your 40 hour a week job.

What's left over is to be shared equally by the two of you together. The other 128 hours of the week are the second job for both of you and you should both be changing the diapers, cooking, washing clothes, giving the kids baths, cutting the lawn, planting flowers, doing maintenance and whatever else is needed to keep the home and family running smoothely.

These chores should be shared in some way, generally that is divided between indoor and outdoor chores. Men usually do the outside work and women the inside but that isn't always the case.

I never minded cooking and doing laundry and my wife never minded cutting the grass and planting flowers etc outside. The point is that the work doesn't stop at the end of the 40 hour week, there is still plenty to be done and it shouldn't be just one person's job to do.

If your wife is spending her 40 as explained above then has to spend the other 128 doing the same thing plus more, then when does she ever get a break?

Do you come home after your 40 hours and just sit down and expect to be waited on for those other 128 hours? If so, don't you think she should expect the same thing after she finishes 40 hours in a week?

Put the shoe on the other foot. How would you like to be home all day doing what she does and then still be expected to do it some more? It would be like your boss coming to you at the end of your 40 hour week and telling you you had to work 128 hours overtime. . . . . . and at base pay, no less. Hmmmmm...... sounds like a lot of fun to me.

Be nice to your wife. If you love her then treat her like you do. Help her around the house without complaining. I would almost gaurantee that she wouldn't require you to do it for that 128 hours. Most wives wouldn't.

If you haven't been fair to your wife, then I think it's about time you did some soul searching and own up to it and get off your backside and help.

Good luck to both of you, at this rate you will need all you can get.

Answer 3

I don't do this sort of complaining. The reason your wife does is because she's worked (before you or before kids) but you've never put in six months at her SAHM job, and she truly believes you've no idea how exhausting it is. WHY aren't you voluntarily changing diapers? I don't believe I've ever had to ask my husband to change diapers, and we've had about 9 years of diapers! The answer to your problem is to show her more attention and appreciation, and get more involved when you come home. Not because she is at home and you are at work, but because you're the daddy!

Answer 4

You need to SHARE child care after you get home. Responsibility shouldn't automatically revert to you the second you walk in the door. You worked all day too. It just wasn't with the kids.

Her statements are unfair. Does she get to come to your office and see your daily difficulties while you stand there and scream "See what I go through all day?" at her. Probably not.

I don't think it has anything to do with showing appreciation. You each have a job to do, and no one is going to be handing out medals for doing your assigned daily jobs. You work outside of the home, she works in the home. Thats just how it is, and unless she is bringing you flowers and fawning all over you for going to work, it is unfair of anyone to suggest that you owe this to her.

Can you afford a babysitter one afternoon a week while she gets some time for herself?

Answer 5

Do you actually stay on diaper duty as soon as you get home. **** I couldn't complain if my husband would do anything as soon ashe got home or while he was home at all after work. At least you do something. All my hubby will do is sit around and play with the kids and wrestle with them. He doesn't even mess with our 1 mo. SHe doesn't even like him anyways(b/c he ignores her) but the other 2 he'll keep occupied(which I can't complain). But he wont cook or clean or give me a day off for anything. I wouldn't get mad if I was your wife, she could have worse.

Answer 6

She's just tired... but I think she needs to realise that SO ARE YOU! After going to work and earning a living for her and the kids, she could be a little more grateful! I know plenty of women with kids who go out and work all day too, so she's got nothing to complain about

Answer 7

firstly, in case you relatively are assisting her such as you're saying then i do no longer think of it is the concern. and that i did no longer omit the area the place you reported you the two paintings no longer common so i does no longer think of shes under liked the two. some solutions are saying possibly you may inform her you savour what she does extra yet does she enable you be responsive to? I propose it is going the two techniques. If she needs to hearken to she did a great interest around the abode then she needs to dish out some "thank you for assisting me _______ after working all day hun." i became a SAHM on paid mat go away for a year too and that i under no circumstances predicted a thank you from my husband. I did my interest at abode and he did his at paintings. whilst he became abode for the day we took turns with the toddler and despite else necessary doing. Thats the way it is going to be. If he admitted she might otherwise be working then thats a huge step in direction of determining the concern. Now its time to envision why she feels this way. Is it because of the fact she feels shes no longer contributing sufficient to the family contributors income? Is it because of the fact of PPD and not wanting to be around the youngsters plenty (i discover it somewhat unusual that one newborn is in daycare whilst she is a SAHM. Why spend the money on daycare? possibly this in all fairness regular in some aspects I incredibly have basically individually under no circumstances conventional somebody who keeps to be abode yet will pay daycare) If its PPD she needs to work out her well-being care expert. possibly she basically needs to paintings area-time to get out of the abode somewhat. that's like me. I enjoyed having time with my daughter yet working basically 2 nights each week or some thing could be great (I could paintings finished-time remarkable now to make ends meet) so i could desire to be with my daughter yet nonetheless get faraway from all of it. It sounds to me like she is somewhat depressed and thats making her the way she is.

Answer 8

She is saying this because she feels unappreciated in some way. I would guess that you feel unappreciated too, because of your resentment. I would like to recommend that you BOTH remember that you both work hard all day, help each other out when you can (no .
21complaining0) and have LOTS of sex. It bonds you two together, and I can recommend it because you are married to her. Loving acts lead to loving feelings.

Answer 9

Sounds like your wife is overwhelmed. Quit having kids. It'll get easier as they are potty trained, go to preschool, etc.

Answer 10

Stop nagging about your wife nagging, you're being just as bad.
And what the hell is SAHM?