Hi i am 20 year old single mom and my daughter thinks my roomate/ now boyfriend is her father.My daughter Jamie is 2 years old and fairly well behaved. When i moved into the apartment Kevin my roomate and now steady boyfriend felt sorry for me i had to beg him he was a junior in college and i was a freshmen to let me stay. We are alot like a family but i feeling as if i am lying to her i am getting married to Kevin hopefully next spring. We will be moving and are only staying here till i can transfer.My daughters father though has been coming to visit me finally giving me child support and wants to see my daughter? what should i do she does not know him?My boyfriend has gotten very mad at me for even speaking to him and i dont want problems. I have had old feelings resurface though in a big way for my ex. bf and daughters dad he was my first love and everything else.?
2006-09-14 05:10:37 · 9 answers · asked by claire d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Her father invited me out to dinner tommorow and seems to want to be romantic i am confused?
2006-09-14 05:11:02 · update #1
wow - decisions decisions....
Your daughter does have a right to know her father.... i am sure Kevin is a great 'dad' BUT unless you plan to keep it a secret for her whole life (which never works lol) you will have to tell her eventually. I think it is nice he wants to see Jamie... after all there are single moms out there that would give their right arm for the fathers of their kids to be in their lives right?
If you are supposed to marry Kevin and are having feelings for the ex, you had better sort it out, because that isnt fair to Kevin especially after he has been there for you and things have worked out so well.
No one can tell you who to choose, but once you make that choice you MUST tell all parties involved, it is the right thing to do.
I wish you and your famiy nothing but the best for the future.
2006-09-14 05:13:31 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ goddessofraine ♥ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well legally you cannot keep your child from her father- if you try he can take you to court. I would say do not go out for dinner with that man,it is only inviting problems unless your fiance can come with as well.
At two years old I dont think it would confuse her much at all unless you make it a big deal. She will go to the person who has loved and taken care of her since she was little. Her "dad- the donor" will have to understand that you have committed yourself and he must either move on or step up.
He should be allowed to see her, as long as he takes care of her. In the end the only thing that will happen is that she will have the love of both men- and having two is even better than not having any at all. She will grow up and make her own mind up though- i wouldnt be bothered about it.
As far as your fiance- yes he will have apprehensions. He has taken care of your child as his own and he may be scared that he will lose that title. The truth is though that your daughter knows him and only him. He is the one who she needs. SO as long as he doesnt start to go flaky on the both of you then he will be fine.
Who knows- your ex may only be trying to get back good with you and once he sees you arent biting he may disappear again!
I know it is hard, but realize your ex is your past. Your fiance is your FUTURE. Your future will always take more precedent than your past! Dont fall inthe trap- you see, your ex is an "ex" for a reason. Let it stay that way.
2006-09-14 12:21:23 · answer #2 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It only natural for you to have feelings for the father of your child, but that does not mean that you accept date invitations or even think of going when you are in a committed relationship with someone who you are going to marry. You should keep your relationship as it is - he is the father of your child and that's it especially if you love the person who are going to marry. I hope you do love him and not marrying because he was good to you and your daughter when you needed him to be.
Finally you should not have your daughter believe that your boyfriend is her father. He is a father figure. Especially when her real father is involved in her life. She may be too young now to know the difference, but she has a father and she should know that.
2006-09-14 16:16:55 · answer #3 · answered by solgiver 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex is there to ruin your relationship with your boyfriend. Tell him no for dinner and for a relationship other than to be a dad to his daughter and I'll bet he will disappear again. You are ruining what you have for a loser. You also need to tell your daughter the truth about her father. Good luck. I have a feeling you are going to make a stupid mistake but it's your life.
2006-09-14 12:57:06 · answer #4 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is a very hard decision...and the ex will cause a huge strain on a relationship...but your daughter needs to know her father..
keep your head up and think with your mind not with your heart..and think mostly of your daughter because that's all that matters now..her and her feelings
2006-09-14 12:19:52 · answer #5 · answered by turner32542 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you have feelings for such a loser. He is still the one who hadn't bothered to see his daughter or pay support, he has not changed..... Being able to make a child does not make one a parent, he was a sperm Donor. I agree with your fiancee he is the one that has been there for you and you little girl. Wake up, and see the reality of the situation.
2006-09-14 12:42:36 · answer #6 · answered by roeskats 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are going through. But you really need to tell the truth, and tell her who real father is, no matter how much it hurts her. I know it's really hard to do this, especially when she only seen her real father a few times.
2006-09-14 12:23:31 · answer #7 · answered by Pauly W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT'S WRONG FOR YOUR DAUGHTER TO THINK THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND IS HER FATHER. YOU NEED TO LET HER SEE HER FATHER AND EXPLAIN THE TRUTH TO HER. IF YOU DON'T WHEN SHE GETS OLDER SHE WILL BE VERY ANGRY WITH YOU. YOUR BOYFRIENDS NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOME CONTACT WITH THE FATHER.
I'M NOT SURE WHY YOU AND THE FATHER BROKE UP BUT YOU REALLY NEED TO THINK ABOUT THAT AND CONSIDER IF YOU REALLY WANT TO BE WITH HIM OR NOT. HIM NOT SEEING YOU DAUGHTER FOR ALL THIS TIME TELLS ME THAT HE IS NOT THE TYPE OF GUY THAT I WOULD WANT TO DEAL WITH. WHATEVER YOUR DECISION I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK
2006-09-14 12:16:28 · answer #8 · answered by FRECKLES 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Watch out for your ex, I think he just wants ##x from you and then he will be gone just like before, do not trust him.
Control your feelings and you won't be hurt again, if you don't you will probably loose your ex and your boyfriend.
2006-09-14 18:05:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋