Hi i am 20 year old single mom and my daughter thinks my roomate/ now boyfriend is her father.My daughter Jamie is 2 years old and fairly well behaved. When i moved into the apartment Kevin my roomate and now steady boyfriend felt sorry for me i had to beg him he was a junior in college and i was a freshmen to let me stay. We are alot like a family but i feeling as if i am lying to her i am getting married to Kevin hopefully next spring. We will be moving and are only staying here till i can transfer.My daughters father though has been coming to visit me finally giving me child support and wants to see my daughter? what should i do she does not know him?My boyfriend has gotten very mad at me for even speaking to him and i dont want problems.
2006-09-14 04:44:35 · 19 answers · asked by claire d 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
my boyfriend has threatened to call of the edding because of this.
2006-09-14 04:53:03 · update #1
I thought this stet up of living was in my daughter best intrest
2006-09-14 05:15:31 · update #2
The father has every right to see his daughter especially if he is now paying child support. You need to first explain to Kevin that even though you do not like it that the father has to figure into the picture since you and him share a daughter, then you need to explain to your daughter who her real father is and that Kevin with his permission is her second dad......................
2006-09-14 04:49:59 · answer #1 · answered by mysticideas 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are positive you are getting married, then there should be no problem. To avoid any problem it could be Daddy Kevin. Then if she develops a relationship with her father in the future you will save her huge amounts of heartache and problems, as well as confusion.
Have her dad visit at the house when Kevin is there. He is the outsider now but this way can see her. Make it fun for her, agree beforehand no stress, but until he is a permanent part of her life with regular visits over a period of time, agree with Kevin and her father that you won't give him the label of dad. With Kevin at the visits at your apartment you can show him this way that there is nothing between you anymore.
Its not about your boyfriend getting mad or your feelings anymore, it is about your daughter and her hapiness now and in the future.
2006-09-14 04:54:03 · answer #2 · answered by PinkPrincessNerd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to tell your daughter that he is not her father. Keep it simple, but make it clear. The child's father has a right to know and see his child. You are young, I'm assuming he is too. He may realize he made a bad decision by not being involved in the girl's life. You need to talk with your boyfriend. He may feel insecure that you'll get back with the ex, or he may feel protective of you and the ex left you once and doesn't want your daughter to get hurt. Whatever the reasoning, he has to let your daughter know her father. If he can't live with that, he's got to go.
2006-09-14 04:51:50 · answer #3 · answered by Jan S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortuantely your boyfriend nor you can deny the father of your daughter visitation privladges. If you feel he would be a bad influence on her such as he is on drugs or something, you need to contact the courts reagarding their visitation. But if Kevin loves you and your daughter, then he needs to understand that what is best right now for Jamie is for her to get to know her father. Its great that Kevin wants to be involved with her life and play the father role, however he needs to step back and let her father have a chance to step up.
Congrats on the upcoming wedding.
2006-09-14 04:47:44 · answer #4 · answered by camoprincess32 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi there,
The best and only thing you can do is to encourage the people involved to talk about their feelings. If her Dad wants to be involved in her life that is great as she would only have resentment later either for her father for abandoning her or to you and Kevin for not being able to get past your own feelings and to forbid it.See Jamie is blessed by having more than one Daddy to raise her and everyone needs to get along and act respectably so she will learn this.Please Kevin your not losing Jamie, just be yourself and don't compete and she will respect you for that.
2006-09-14 06:12:51 · answer #5 · answered by I don't get it 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is very young; I would explain the situation to the child's father that he is not to confuse her and have her call him Daddy, since he hasn't been around. Supervise the visit to be sure. Talk to your boyfriend about possibly adopting the child, if the father will allow it. If he stops child support, etc, it'll be easier for you to remove parental rights and have Kevin adopt Jamie. Good luck.
2006-09-14 04:48:10 · answer #6 · answered by DMBthatsme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Sounds like a sticky situation, but lets get real for a minute. Jamie is only doing and acting like a typical 2 year old. She doen't realize that she is a child of a single mom, who happen's to live and act as she's married with a male roommate. So what Jamie thinks is normal. Jamies BIRTH father has every right to see her, and get to know her, unless he would endanger her. As far as the support goes, I taking aguess here, but it seems that you are both young, and it looks like he wants to be a grown-up and be responsiable. Let him. It may not be the perfect ideal of a father that you want for Jamie, but God choose this guy to be it, so give them the opportunity to be that, Father and Daugher. Don't make excuses to protect her, if he says he's doing one thing, then does another. She'll always want to love him, and NOTHING you say and do could change that, only change how she feels and deals with you. As far as Kevin goes, he needs to lay off. He's not Jamies stepfather (YET) and until he steps up and marries you, he's only concern would be to partner with you to raise Jamie into becoming a well mannered productive citizen. When it comes to her, and her fathers relationship, he needs to but out, and so, for lack of better expression, you too. As far as the major parenting desisions it should be up to you and the birth fathers desision, and Kevin needs to grow-up and realize that you did not create this child all on your own, and for the rest of your life, Jamies father will be in the picture, no weither or not he stays, comes and goes, is productive, etc is on him. You are a mother now, you may be 20, but you are who this little girl looks up to for guidance, assurance, love. She looks to you for the answers of life. How are you treating yourself? Do you think you deserve more, then pretending to be a family? Do you deserve a husband that will honor you, love you, and rescept you, and be a loving and supporter to your little girl, reguardless of the birth fathers involvment? A husband that will not (your words) "gotten very mad" be angry at you or be angry in front of your child for having a child with another man? Family can and is all over the states, a single parent household. I can be a loving and full enviorment for a child. I would ask that you think of the enviroment that you have created for your daughter to live in. She lives in a fanasty enviroment that has caused you to ask on like what to do. She will most likely (like all of us do) want to live in the real world, and be told the truth and delt with honestly. Be honest with yourself and your family on the things that you deserve. Mostly give little Jamie what she deserves. A mom that loves her and is doing her best, and a birth father that is trying. Note: Kevin is not mentioned.
Best of luck -
2006-09-14 05:11:57 · answer #7 · answered by sweathogwife 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well tell him to bad but in a nice way he knew you had a child and the real father has to keep in touch with you and if your bf can not handle that then i suggest you leave him because if you marry him with the attitude you have now it will hurt your marriage if you marry him with that attitude he has. Well since you are getting married to your boyfriend just tell her that he is her step daddy that means since you guys will be married that he becomes her daddy becasue he becomes part of the family. Tell her about her real father also. It wont be right if you leave him out it will hurt her in the long run.
2006-09-14 04:50:14 · answer #8 · answered by knowssignlanguage 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend is threatening to "call it off" because of this I would say drop is ***! He is being selfish and not thinking about what is in the best interest of your daughter. It is not fair to her to keep her father away from her because your boyfriend doesn't like it. Kids are not supposed to be used against other people. As a mother you shouldn't even have to ask this question.. It doesn't matter what you want.. or what your stupid boyfriend wants.. it matters what is best for her!
2006-09-14 05:11:45 · answer #9 · answered by Legs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your daughter's father wants to be in her life you need to let her know who her father is.
If your boyfriend is getting mad because you're speaking to the father of your child, he knew you had a child & that she had a father when you two became a couple. Watch out for signs of him being possessive.
2006-09-14 04:47:45 · answer #10 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋