I loved a man for abt one year but i never expressed it to him.When i came to know that he is engaged I am unable to forget him and the worst situation is its my sister he loves and she too loves him.The moment i came to know abt their love i tried hard to forget him but i am unable to do it.Can i shift my place temporarily to somewhere else bcz i am unable to face my sister with all the nasty thoughts in my mind and its like having mental torture.I wouldnt have loved him if i have already know that he loves my sister.Am i a bad girl?
2006-09-14 03:54:44 · 14 answers · asked by kaira t 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
No ur not a bad person.You just want to understand that he is no more yours.It maybe painful to realise the true facts but time is the greatest healing factor.Go out and communicate with the outside world,moving out temporarily may also do some good.Just remember onething that its ur sister he chose and u should be happy abt it.
2006-09-14 04:25:31 · answer #1 · answered by julia _bride 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No your not a bad person, you CANT control your feelings, you can ONLY control HOW you deal with your feelings. Your not mentally screwed up... just because you have feelings for your sisters soon to be... its a screwed up situation... huge differance, no IF you tried to rape him or declare your love for him at your sisters wedding while your in a bridesmaid dress, yeah there might be a issue or two there, but your not, basicly right now your just tring to figure out a way to deal with your feelings, not so hard of a task if you look at it in the right perspective... first off if i were you i would take a deep breath and think about this... you never have been a relationship with him, how do you know this guy will be able to live up to the standards you have set on him in your own mind, in other words how do you know he would act as the mr perfect you believe him to be. yeah you might hear your sister brag on the good things he does, most women do... but alot of women dont go running to their familys and tell them how this guy did this and that to hurt them... unless its a extreme situation... so more or less he might look good on the outside but you dont know how he is in a relationship, much less how he would be twards you.... everyone has their downsides... dont fool yourself... if their was a "perfect" man... well... lol there just isnt... trust me... ask any woman... there isnt a perfect woman eaither... and as far as you "loving" him find a healthy way to express that... Tell him in front of your sister that your happy hes joining the family and that you just love him to death... dont try to act like those feelings of admireing him dont exist, now thats not healthy, pick him apart and realize what it is about him that attracts you, write them down and itemize it if it makes you feel better and look for those key qualitys in another person, you have to let go of the idea that you two will ever be together with out making a springer show haha.. rather why not make him a good friend and VALUE that friendship, let him help you pick out a good guy for you... there are so many differnt ways to love a person, pick one that you can live with, along with your sister.. reconize the things you cant change, accept the things you can... :) good luck
2006-09-14 04:47:10 · answer #2 · answered by chrystal_lynn2002 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in a sad place, first I think you must start looking at him as a brother-because if he marrys her he will e your "brother in law" secondly if you can love a man that is not for you for that long, don't you think you could love a man you can have all to yourself with a more satisfying love. The man that is only yours would be good to you and you can continue to be with your family.
Change takes time, but start by finding someone for yourself that is like him maybe ask him if he has a friend, that likes the same things he does and will do some of the same things with you that he does with your sister.
2006-09-14 04:02:02 · answer #3 · answered by kimmie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are infatuated with him. You don't love him. You are obsessed with him. Your imagination is filling you in with the "what if's" and "what could be's". Your imagination tricks you into thinking things about him what you want him to be like. It is not love; convincing yourself that you are in fact, in love with him, is just a way of justifying your obsession. She is your sister, and I am sure it would give you great satisfation to outdo her in some way, thus proving you are the more lovable one. It is a type of rivalry common amongst siblings. You feel guilty becuase you know it is wrong. You need to back off and go master some skills, get a hobby, and focus on other people.
2006-09-14 04:56:43 · answer #4 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
feelings just are--they're not good or bad. they're information.
however, if he's engaged to your sister, then it doesn't seem like there's much of a chance of you and him ending up together. you need to decide whether to express how you feel---but that would be a decision best made with a neutral third party not connected to your family or social circle--like a therapist.
it sounds like if you loved him for about on year but never expressed it, maybe it's more of infatuation than love. infatuation is usually about seeing something in someone else that you really admire or like--but thinking that it's only in that other person. and if you think that the only way to be close to that characteristic is to be close to that person, you're disowning valuable parts of yourself. it might be good to think about what characteristics about him you like so much. when did you start feeling in love with him, and what characteristic was is that you liked so much? can you find that characteristic in yourself?
all easier to say than to do.
i highly recommend therapy. good luck.
2006-09-14 08:43:00 · answer #5 · answered by alison l 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You keep talking about this--I checked your question history because I thought I had seen this before--you have some serious issues and you should see a therapist. You do need to get over this man and let your sister be happy. You keep asking things like "am I bad?" because of your guilt. You won't get through this if you don't get some help. So quit posting this.
2006-09-14 03:59:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in love with your sister's fiance? YIKES!
You are in a mess because he will soon be your brother-inlaw and you will see him at every family function for years to come.
Stay the hell away from your sister's beau and get some therapy for yourself. And moving might be a great idea!
2006-09-14 03:57:45 · answer #7 · answered by kja63 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to meet someone else before you feel resentment towards two people who don't deserve it. Leave them alone and move on, don't upset your sister - she is your flesh and blood, good luck.
2006-09-14 03:58:42 · answer #8 · answered by Me 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think of this is super. as long as this is a few thing you proportion with your fiance. maximum adult men disguise it because of the fact the female does not like it. you ought to evaluate the two aspects. BTW, what form of porn?
2016-12-18 10:10:21 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are bad. Seek therapy immediately.
2006-09-14 03:57:01 · answer #10 · answered by Take That 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋