I'm a single mum to a lovely 2 year old girl! I'm 23 years old and am still living at home with my parents! Im sleeping on the sofa whilst my little girl is in her own bed next to me! We dont even have our own bedrooms! I have been on the Housing List for 3 years now,and when I complained nothing was being done,I was told people out there are worse off than me and that I should expect a possible further 3 years to get my own home!! Ive been suffering from depression since my daughter was born and have Gall Stones which makes it very difficult and uncomfortable sleeping on a sofa! There are seven of us living in this 3 bedroom house yet nothing can be done for me and my daughter! Id like to hear any views/advice on my matter..
2006-09-14 03:29:49 · 39 answers · asked by charlie_baby1983 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Ok.. can I just add that falling pregnant was not planned but I was not willing to destroy this life growing inside me! Im coping fine as a mother and dont regret having my little girl 4 a second!
2006-09-14 03:37:34 · update #1
I am currently saving for the deposit to go private,which is over a thousand pounds! Its very hard trying to save for that plus pay rent to my parents! And might I just add,having depression isnt easy.. maybe those of you thinking Im lazy or expecting everything easy should read up on it! Im suprised at how many insensitive replies I have recieved!
2006-09-14 03:43:53 · update #2
I can not even sit here & read after the 5th answer. It makes me sick. These cruel people who sit here & tell you that's why you shouldn't have gotten pregnant. WHAT is that doing for your situation at this point in time??? For goodness sakes. I'm so sick of people who are so righteous about themselves, and have never been so low to know what it could even begin to feel like. They have absolutely no right answering your question.....Yes....answering this question is a RIGHT, because you literally HAVE to have been in your shoes to understand! You don't want to do anything when you're depressed! You don't want to go on, knowing you have nothing but the same hurt & shame & anger to look forward to day after day!! I understand. I do not have an answer for you, and I am so sorry, but the compassion that I felt I had to have and answer your question just to tell these others to get a life & go outside of the comfort zone and realize that not everyone has it that good! Even those that have it that good, DON'T! My goodness!!! I am shamed to say, that I have been homeless with my children before. And it sucks. And it's something we went through..and I never want to go through it again. And I wonder what kind of person does that to their children. And I realize the kind of person that does that. A person...not one that does not love their children...but a person that is feeling hopeless, scared, alone, angry, and a plethera of other emotions that are just too mixed up that you don't even FEEL yourself anymore. You just find that you make it from one day to the next.
I will say, however, that it can't always be like this. The cold hard truth, is that do I want to ever do that to my children again? No. So I have to do something everyday. And that is work. Whether or not I want to be here. Do my children want to be homeless? No. That would be selfish of me to do that to them. And, they are MY world. These people are right. I chose to bring them in this world...whether by accident or otherwise, but the choice to keep, and not abort & adopt out was mine. They didn't have that choice. So every choice I make now affects them as well.
The best thing I have done for them & myself has been to work. I've also started counseling 4 weeks ago. It's been a huge help. You should think about that.
Unfortunately, none of anything that anyone will tell you will matter until YOU are ready for it. People will help you, they can be there for you, they can have hand outs for you, but until YOU are ready to fully change, it is not going to happen. And I say this ONLY from experience. Not to be judgemental or cruel in anyway whatsoever.
I truly wish the best for yourself & your daughter. You both only live this life once, and you only have ONE chance to raise her....do it the right way.
2006-09-14 04:30:56 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 3⤋
the way to get over your depression is to try to fight your way out of the situation you're in. once you are providing a roof over your heads then you'll feel a hell of a lot better!
i'm also 23 and i have a 5 month old boy. it's tough but because my partner cannot work due to health problems i've had to go back to work. as much as i hate being at work and wish every second i could be at home, i also feel proud that i am the one making sure we have everything we need!
if i was in your situation i would ask my parents to babysit for a few hours every week while i did a part time job, even on benefits they allow you to work 15 or 16 hours a week without it affecting the money they give you. and i would put that money towards your own home. once there you can get crisis loans ect.. to help you get furniture, and you could continue with your job. no offense but i'm sure your parents don't want you on their sofa so would be more than willing to help with childcare?
good luck and don't get yourself in a rut, it's tough being a parent but you'll get through it!
2006-09-14 07:57:57 · answer #2 · answered by Kirsty 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hello to you and your baby girl,
I deal with families who are overcrowded and do the assessments to get them a priority for housing if i can. It isn't local councils who decide on what is overcrowding or not. The Government has set up a calculation as to how many people can live in a certain amount of square feet in a property. I have to visit the property, take details of all who live there permanently, and measure each room in the home except the kitchen and bathroom. Different ages of people and sexes come into the calculation. The government says that if you have a dining kitchen then even this space can be counted towards the square footage. If there is a family (such as you and your daughter) within the family home they would rather house you and her, than find a bigger property for all of you. In this case you would be awarded the priority, not your parents.
I suggest you ask your parents to ask the council to send someone around to do an overcrowding assessment.
I hope this helps you and good luck....jean
2006-09-14 05:15:42 · answer #3 · answered by Jean B 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well, it's called get a decent paying job, and find a cheap apartment. Trust me, you can't expect the kind of help you are looking for, and yes, all the people who don't really need it or deserve it are usually the ones who get it. You gain such a feeling of self-worth and independence by doing things like that on your own. I also have a 2 year old daughter. I've been on my own since I was 20, had my daughter at 26, got an apt. with my bf (her father), now I am doing it on my own since we split a year ago. If you want something bad enough, you can find a way to accomplish it! Good luck - I have faith in you...
2006-09-14 03:35:21 · answer #4 · answered by angelbaby 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I remember when I was homeless with my 2 year old lad, I went to the housing advise centre and was offered a room for two weeks in a hostel that was for homeless people at the back of the building and at the front was a hostel for men who were alcoholics and druggies, needless to say I told them to shove it up their backsides, how could I take my son there?, I ended up sleeping on my mates floor for a month before I rented somewhere. I had been on the housing list for 3 years before that. Have you thought about renting somewhere private? Apply for a social loan( if you are in the UK) and use that as your deposit and then claim for housing benefit. It's a start. Good luck and I hope you do get it sorted.
2006-09-14 03:46:18 · answer #5 · answered by layla 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If you can arange a deposit and a week or a months rent your local council is obliged to help you with rent costs. Check out you local rental agencies or property paper and look for double bedsits or single flatlets. Make sure you look for one that doesnt say no dss. When you speak with the landlord explain the situation and they too may be able to help you with forms etc. If you feel you are suffering even more speak with your benefit office in araging help with a loan for a deposit and your local cab as they may will be able to put you in emergency housing. It may not be great but you will at least have a bed for both of you
2006-09-14 03:35:42 · answer #6 · answered by alismudge 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
hi.its hard being a single mum. but i have managed to sort my life out. if you try to get a 16 hr a week job and put child into proper day care for your work hours. you will be entitled to working tax credits. and child tax credits, then you will be able to get a mortgage.or rent a small house flat? look into it you will be surprised as to what benifits are arround for those willing to work. and dont give up hope, plus a job will bring you out of your depression good luck with it all x
2006-09-14 06:00:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go 2 the Docs, get them 2 supply the Housing Dept with a list of UR medical problems & how UR present situation is damaging UR health.
Go with that 2 the Housing Dept, C if that'll get them motivated.
It's worth a go.
Good luck.
:)
& if any1 on here gives U flack 4 being a single-mother or a scrounger ignore them, huh?
I told U 2 ignore them, answering back will only give them more 2 twist what UR saying 2 their advantage.
They don't know U & proberly have no idea how unhappy/ill/stressed U R.
Don't let them stress U further.
They're just faceless morons.
2006-09-14 03:35:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
This could be a case of statutory overcrowding - complain to the local environmental Health Office. You also need to raise the issue with your local Ward Councillor and get him/her to lean on Housing Dept. As a single parent you fulfil the criteria of being in priority need under the Homeless Persons Act and therefore the Council DO have a duty to re-house you.
2006-09-14 03:57:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
In my opinion i think the best thing that you can do would be to contact and enlist the help of your local councillor, get a letter from your GP listing any medical problems and take it to the council, enlist the help of your health visitor, Ask Social services if they can help you with the council. Is it a council house that you live in with your parents? Whether it is or not the council have a responsibility to house you and your daughter. Don't give up try and look for all the help you can get and make sure that you keep in regular contact with the council so they are always up to date with your situation. Best of luck for the future.
2006-09-14 03:38:46 · answer #10 · answered by Susie 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋