my daughters dad and i split about a year ago..i found someone new and so did he... he only sees her everyother week.. is it possible that her bond with her dad is being affected by this...she doesnt even call her dad-dad anymore..she calles my new boyfriend dad...which doesnt seem to bother me cuz i have a child with him and we refer to him as dad with her. I think that my daughter is picking this up and thinking he is her real daddy..i dont want to disrupt nature but how do i get it through to her that she hads a daddy and my new boyfriend is just someone that is there to support her and protect her in her time of need...HELP?
2006-09-14 02:16:43 · 17 answers · asked by Kristi S 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
i have her call him every so often to say hi but all we get is his voice mail...i have her tell him to call her back and he never does...im starting to think he doesnt want to see her or talk to her... i want her to be happy but i also want her real dad in her life..no i cannot make that happen but i sure am trying is that wrong of me to try so hard when he keeps resisting?
2006-09-14 02:34:02 · update #1
The biggest problem is that she only sees her bio-dad every other week. Kid's can dis-associate really quickly, in a matter of a few days, kind of like an 'out of sight out of mind' scenario. She still loves her daddy, but his importance in her life is limited because of so little time spent with him. Your S/O has taken over as the main male figure so, that's how she will perceive things.
What you might want to do is to encourage her dad to have more frequent contact, even if it's only a phone call in the evenings to say "Good Night" and "I love you". If possible maybe he can even get in some more 'parenting time' with her.
I wouldn't really get to in depth with her about it at this stage. She's only 2 and the main thing that she wants to know is that she's loved and safe. As she gets older, you can help her to decide how to view her 'dads'.
I really do commend you on your concern, too many people are just fine with letting the other parent slip away in the role. A child needs both parents.
2006-09-14 02:45:55 · answer #1 · answered by tg315 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
hm... first, i applaud your effort to keep your daughter's dad in her and your life, that's not easy and should happen more often than it does. regarding the actual issue, i think you're asking a bit too much from your daughter there. if you split form her dad about a year ago and you found someone new since, she has every reason to regard your boyfriend as her actual dad, because he was the dominant male in her life during the phase when children learn where they belong and who they are. so, from that point of view, psychologically and socially, your boyfriend is her dad and if you split up with him it would probably cause her a lot more distress than the break-up with her biological dad did. you say your new boyfriend is "just there to support her and protect her in her time of need". isn't that the job description for a dad? essentially, even though you're trying not to, you've already made your new boyfriend her dad anyway, and by that are only acknowledging a psychological fact. if i was in your shoes, i'd try to explain to her that while your new boyfriend is a great new dad for her, the guy who she only sees every second week is a great dad too, loves her just as much as you do and would be very sad if she didn't call him dad anymore.
2006-09-14 02:26:11 · answer #2 · answered by nerdyhermione 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Since she's only 2 this can be hard. You might want to have her father spend a little extra time with her. Also, this will be a hard one but, make sure that you talk to her about her real dad. Get a picture for her room and try having her call current boyfriend daddy #2 or something. Good luck.
2006-09-14 02:24:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
A child is smarter in some way than adults. She sees the new boyfriend as her father because he is always there, he takes care of her, spends time with her etc. All the things that dads do. Your ex doesn't have much to do with her so she doesn't see that it is her daddy because he is never there. Let her call whoever she is comfortable with daddy. I would tell her that she has two daddies so that way she understands that your ex is her father. If he doesn't have a relationship with her she will sense it and tell him you aren't my daddy because you are never there. As she grows older she will come to realize who is there for her the boyfriend or "daddy". In my house it was that is my father (biological sperm donor as a got older) and this is my daddy!!! If your ex says anything about her calling your BF daddy tell him that you can't convince a child that someone she never sees is her daddy! She will make up her own mind.
2006-09-14 04:10:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
When she is with her real dad he will have to make sure he tells he is her real dad and your new man is her second dad. It is very difficult for her as she is only 2 and won't really understand. It's only natural that she will call your new man dad if you have another child with him. She will understand when she is a bit older but it would help if her real dad was seeing her more or phoning her a few times a week.
I don't think you should make a big deal out of it, you don't want her to feel different to her sibling with regards to calling your new man dad after all you are all a family now. She will understand it all when she is older, don't screw her head up trying to make her understand now.
2006-09-14 02:24:17 · answer #5 · answered by koolkatt 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's OK for her to call him dad, if your b/f does not mind. It will create more of a bond with them. Children need this from a very young age. If her real father does not see her, or call as much as you think he should, oh well. It's his loss. People get caught up in their own life, and he is probably trying to restart a new life with a new woman. Hey it could be worse, he could be causing trouble in your new relationship. As long as you dodn't talk bad about your ex in front of her, they will work out a relationship as the years go by, if they want to. He's missing the moments that will never happen again. Not you. So you concentrate on your relationship, and creating a loving family and environment for your family and let him do his thing. Everything is going to fall where it will.
2006-09-14 03:08:44 · answer #6 · answered by FANNY 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
just be glad he's still around to see her. I left a 8 year marriage with a 6 year old her dad has not called sent a card paid support in 3 years now. If her das is a presence in her life you should let it be known your bf is NOT her dad. I met my ex hubby when my son was 6 months his father has always been in his life I NEVER ALLOWED him to call another man dad even as a toddler he called my ex hubby Kevin. The only way i may have aloowed him to call step dad dad is if he's own dad was no where in the pitcure. I thought it unfair to his blodd father who was involved to have his only son calling some other guy DAD. I would have NEVER stood for my son calling his fathers gf MOM so out of respect for him i would not allow my husband the honors of his DAD.
2006-09-14 03:09:12 · answer #7 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I say if he is acting like he doesn't want to be involved, after you've made an effort, don't keep pushing it. You're just causing more stress on yourself and your daughter. Let him contact when he wants, and if not, that's the way it will be. There's no reason she can't call both of them dad, if that's the way she sees it. I'm sure you can discuss it more with her when she is older, and by then she will realize more about the relationships between her and her "two dads."
2006-09-14 03:46:26 · answer #8 · answered by angelbaby 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't, somewhere inside her mind she knows the he is not daddy because she go visit this other man everyother week
she just don't want to be left out remember you have a child with the bf and your refer to him as Dad
beside it is just a name I guarantee you that she knows who is her dad she is two don't give her a complex yet
discuss things with her father (the bio) one and also if all of you get alone that will be great
Let be a child
2006-09-14 02:26:25 · answer #9 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
My boy had a spell of earaches - actually each 3 weeks or so. for procuring the fluids into him, I basically stored offering him his cup, if he did no longer take it, i does no longer press the concern, yet discovered he could take it extra suitable than he refused it. For his fever, i discovered infant Motrin plenty extra effecient at dropping his temp speedy, and could usually save it down for a minimum of 8 hours. I did substitute Motrin with Tylonal in line with my wellness care professional's advice.have you ever taken him to a doctor? If no longer - do it ASAP. EDIT: no person supplies thumbs up right here? Thumbs up for all!!! besides Violet - sorry, i do no longer likely think of you study the question, loss of sleep could in all possibility be the least of my concerns, as this is for sure basically because of the fact the undesirable little guy is crammed up and could't sleep...
2016-12-18 10:07:10 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋