Is this true .....?

Question

I asked "Has anyone ever dealt with this before" and got some really good answers. But now my question is when my boyfriend left he said they got 2 morale calls a wk. Its been 2 wks since I've heard from him, is this true? He is in the Air Force and is stationed at Camp Bucca. I'm willing to wait on him but not knowig if we are even together is hard. The last e-mail wasn't a very nice one. I want to support him and everything but I also don't want to be used by sending him things and just sitting here waiting on him either. I feel like maybe he's just not calling so I'll leave him alone and move on. I'm really confused as to what to do. Our relationship has been one minute we are talking about getting married the next he doesn't know what he wants. HELP

Answer 1

deployment is hard..not just for us, at home, but for the troops, too.
now, when you say "deployed" is he in iraq, or somewhere else??
if he is somewhere else, then i would say that no phone call is a bit of a flag. if he is in iraq, then i would say to stop stressing and just trust in your relationship.
communications in iraq can get knocked out all the time and depending on what he is doing over there and where he is will determine how often he can and will call.
my husband's air station lost water for about 2-3 wks....that wasn't very fun for them and just b/c they "got" a certain amount of calls doesn't mean that they really can call that often.

my advice:
--seriously think about what you are getting into by being with someone in the military. my husband and i do well with it b/c we are both pretty independent people and we trust in our relationship. if you doubt each other even one little bit, then every deployment will be hell for you.
keep in mind, that they happen often.
last year my husband was in iraq for about 7 months, this year he was on about 3 "short" deployments ranging 3-4 wks a peice, and this coming year he will be doing a tour for about 6-7 months.
the worst part is that we are about to have our fist child and i know it will be really hard on him leaving and knowing that our son is growing up without him for chunks of time. just thinking about it right now makes him choke up and he isn't leaving for another 6 months....

see, it's hard for everyone involved. it's not just "poor you" b/c your bf is over there...it's poor him, too. he is away from family, friends, you...he can't go to gas station and buy a 20 oz soda if he wants one. he can't hop in the car and take a drive if he just wants some time alone. he can't take you to the newest movie release....

catch my drift??
his last email may not have been very friendly b/c he is dealing with an all new experience and maybe he was a catching a vibe from you. it's not uncommon for deployments to break up marriages and relationships. he may be hearing things from other people, too.
there is a lot of drama involved in deployments and the stronger and more solid the two of you are on your own, the stronger you will be as a team.

so, my advice....hang in there and be as supportive as possible, but don't sit around waiting. live your life and do your thing. your life shouldn't stop b/c he is away.

being the spouse of a military person is tough, and it's not for everyone....please think about this before taking the step to get married.

take care.

Answer 2

He's in a stressful situation and that should be your first clue. Cut the guy some slack. As far as I know, there's no set number of moral calls. However, it does depend greatly on the system working or not. It's down more often than it's up. I went almost 6 weeks without hearing from mine. The last thing I did was worry. He has a job to do. Also, you might not be the only one he has to call. I'm sure he has family and friends that mean alot to him too. They're a source of support for him just as much as you are. I truly suggest that if you can't handle the stress of it now, that you don't marry him. It doesn't get any better being a military wife. If his e-mail isn't' nice, remember where he is. I wouldn't be nice either. If you feel like he wants it over, the next time you do talk or e-mail, ask him outright. Tell him how you feel. You'll get your answer and know for sure then. Cut him some slack and put yourself in his boots. NOthing comes easy over there....period.

Answer 3

Well, think about it for a minute, he's stationed in Iraq - from what I can tell he's working at what is essentially a prison camp (not exactly the nicest of environments).

You also have to keep in mind that the 2 morale calls a week are not just to call girlfirends. That includes moms and dads, grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, whatever. You also don't know his duty schedule, there is between 7 and 11 hours of time difference between Iraq and the states, it might be possible that he's "on duty" when it's best to call you.

You say that you're concerned that you don't want to be used - it's not like you need to send him all sorts of expensive stuff (let his parents do that) - send him cards, small care packages, things that don't cost a lot of money - and then give him room, space.

Realize that he's in a stressful environment, life is difficult for him - and if he's like most people, while he thinks that what he's doing is important, that doesn't mean life is a cake walk.

If he's Air Force, he should probably be deployed for 120 days (4 months) - possibly longer (I know an Air Force officer who got a year deployment to Afghanistan).

Just take a wait and see attitude, don't invest too much time, or money - and see what happens.

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

It would be unfair and demoralizing if you stop writing to him in any form. You need to understand, being in the military, especially on a deployment is pretty tough. It's no field trip. Using a phone or a computer back there means that you have to wait in an outrageous line. He ain't the only one trying to use that phone. And he can also be SO EXTREMELY busy that he simply has no time to call-that doesn't mean that he doesn't have time for you anymore. Military work days are literally 24/7 jobs,... so by the end of his job, he's already incredibly tired plus he's still on call. Understand him. Write to him and ask. Let him explain. I'm sure he hasn't forgotten you.

Answer 5

I dont know how long you guys have been together but it doesnt sound like the relationship has been all that great. I can tell you this I met my husband 1 month before he deployed to Iraq. He was in the Marines then and he was with the unit that invaded Iraq back in 2003. Now even though we were only dating for 1 month before he went, he called me and emailed and wrote to me almost everyday, and like I said he was with a unit that was actually invading- very different then it is now. My advice to you is realize he has a job to do out there that takes priority over you obviously, keep him in mind and in your heart, stop sending him things, keep up with your life here I'm not saying to go date other people because it sounds like you really like him, but just go on about your business, if he wants to talk you he will get in contact with you.You said the last email wasnt very good, then leave it at that go on with you life but always keep him in mind, remember they go through alot out there and sometimes the stress gets taken out on the wrong people. Give him his space and if it is meant to be you guys will be together again.

Answer 6

Jeez, you know how hard it is to use the phones over there? Usually, you have to wait in a trmendously outrageous line. Camp Bucca is a prisoner camp, so I imagine he's pretty busy. Never been there, but I know it's by Kuwait too. Give him a break.

Answer 7

Things can get real hectic at times in a war zone and sometimes he probably can't write or call because he's too busy. Have patience because I have been through that situation where it would be weeks before I could write. WAR IS HELL!!!

Answer 8

Take this from an 27 year military retiree! I spent 3 years active Army, 2 years spent in Vietnam Airborne Special ops (Lerps), 9m years in Air National Guard and 15 years in Army National Guard!
We use to use what we called M. A.R.S, Communications. It is hard to get to one of those stations when your humping in the boonies and jungles in a combat situation, you just can't take off to use those stations. In the military you have certain times of the month(if your lucky) to get a chance to get their. The military owns you, believe it or not. They tell you when you can and you can't do, for a lot of things-it is not priority in their minds. Priority is an objective you have to do first and foremost. A lot of units depend on your intelligiance and actions. Yes, their were in my time similiar situations. Many Guys and Gals when in a combat situation rarely have time if their on a hot AO (area of observation) or securing a hot LZ (landing zone) or on a SM (secret mission) and also remember that one has a tendency to keep their heads down and alert at all times. A lot of troops are very careful in writing or otherwise due to insecure communication devices, such as a phone-you never know when an enemy may be tapped into your lines or aware of a troopers home life- Alot of troopers carry a picture of their loved ones, but have no writing on them, due to in case of capture or killed and the enemy can take that information and threaten their familys-believe me it happens a lot-no one has any idee on them, home address, or phone numbers for security and safety of themselves or their familys back home. The only thing one carries on their person is Dog Tags. No information do you carry with you at anytime.
As for the marriage situation-a soldier never discusses this as they know that a probability percentage of coming back alive are not good. Every soldier is snapish at the ones they love back home, because he/she knows that their priorities are to first stay alive, never get comfortable in a combat area, the minute you do, you usually end of dead from a sniper bullet or sneak attack! You never "half-step" in combat conditions-guaranteed your gonna end up dead or seriously wounded. You have to maintain a clear and sharp mind at all times-know your terrain, grounds, and AO. A lot of preassure is put on a soldier in or near a combat situation-as you never know from one day to the next what will happen. So have patience with your loved ones over their-they will be snappish and avoid a lot of questions for security reasons.
Believe Me when I say! THEY NEVER COME BACK THE SAME!
If they make it back, a huge change has come over them, they are not the same as when they left.. Chances are you will not want him back, depending on a lot of things he/she experianced over their....Hope this helps you understand a little more and for othose in this question also what one may and may not expect-unless your military, then you would understand what I am telling you..Have a good day

Answer 9

I had 20 years of active military duty before i was discharged.my wife did a victory dance when i came home.I was assigned to classified operations that i was not even supposed to tell her about.I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 10

I think you are missing something very important here....he's working!! Back off and give him a chance to miss you! Find a hobby or something to take your mind off of him! He'll come around or he won't.