I've been in love with someone for the last 10 years, and it has become obsessive. I'm just now starting to receive counselling for it. He has been in a long-term relationship for the last 8 years.
2006-09-14 00:55:14 · 32 answers · asked by sciencegirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The problem is that he's so gorgeous, with these vivid blue eyes, and a Glaswegian soft voice, and great body.
I was sort of "trapped" with him for a year, when I was the only female attending lectures he ran in spiritual mysticism. I have completely fallen for him.
The counsellors tell me that he represents my relationship with my parents, so that is at least something positive to work with to get myself our & moving on with.
But all I remember is how lovely he is/was, and all his abuse of me just fades away, when I remember small insignificant poignant details about him, like his shoes, or his tie, or what his hands looked like, or his face....
2006-09-14 02:56:53 · update #1
Ouch,move on.
2006-09-14 00:57:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If, in your life, you really want something, do you do anything you can to get it? If you still can't get it, do you keep thinking of it? How easy is it to let go? Those are good qualities - the sign of a warrior, a person who does not give up that easily. People like that go far. On the other hand, it can be very destructive if not aimed at the right thing. Do you want to let go? Maybe, it's just a must have thing mistaken for love? Cause if you love someone it doesn't matter if you are with them or not - you're just happy when they are happy. Does he know how you feel? Does he care? I think what happened is that you have just convinced yourself that you love him at some point in the past and it's hard to let go. It became a routine - it's hard to break a routine of 10 years. I think that you are doing the right thing now. I would be pretty depressed if the same thing happened to me. Good luck.
2006-09-14 01:41:46 · answer #2 · answered by K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a common dilemma as most relationships have a pursuer and the pursued.
Bottom line is that you are "chasing your tale" and waisting precious life away when you could be getting what God really wants for you.
Life is a constant barrage of choices, I suggest you educate yourself on making better ones.
It's time to pull up your socks and get some self security. It's time to alter your "self image"
Although these words sound harsh, it is what you need to break the spell you have put yourself under. This is infatuation because it goes beyond normal human interactions.
Work on your self security and self image and start going out and don't be afraid to spend time w/ others.
Get a (new)Life! Before you get worse.
Remember this life rule: All meaningful change starts "within"
Good Luck and God Bless
2006-09-14 01:50:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We've all been there at some point in our lives but may not be as bold as you to admit it. Its a great experience to be in love but its best when its shared between two people.
I understand your pain but I do believe that you should let it go, doesnt mean you can ever stop loving him, but true love is not obsessive so Im glad you are receiving counselling for it.
We dont always get what we want in life but thats because we are not always in control....just try and find real happiness in yourself and find a new hobby to help take your mind off him.
Good Luck
2006-09-14 01:05:15 · answer #4 · answered by sylvie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well its not like you have much of an option here if hes with someone else and doesnt love you back - you HAVE to move on and forget about him.
Hopefully the counselling should help you get things back on track. Its a bit worrying that this obsession has gone on for so long - but you've taken the right step in seeking help - I hope you can forget about him and move on with your life
2006-09-14 00:59:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are starting counseling, then you are headed in the right direction. Just like with anything else, admitting that you have a problem is the first step. If I loved someone that didn't love me back, I would learn how to find other people to occupy my time and hang out with. There is always someone else out there for you....no sense on wasting time chasing someone who doesn't feel the same way. Good luck to ya!
2006-09-14 00:58:49 · answer #6 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on. I've been there but only for six years. Obsessed as well. he would even come around when he and his girlfriend were fighting because he knew i couldn't say no to him. This was only because he knew how I felt about him. Just got tired of playing second fiddle and said no more. It's called self respect. the heart hurt for a while but I became stronger because of it and now have a wonderful relationship I wouldn't trade for the world.
2006-09-14 01:03:08 · answer #7 · answered by Tammy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
10 years!! that's long. Better late than never. Thinks you are taking the right direction with the counselling. Move on and stay away from him until you get hold of your feelings and ultimately forget him. Sometimes feelings might take over common sense, just resist it and be strong.
It must have hurt all these years.
Just look around,you might find the one made for you.
2006-09-14 01:29:52 · answer #8 · answered by Saphire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That isn't love its an obsession. Also I think you have intimacy issues whilst your obsessing about something thats never going to happen it saves you from having to to have a real relationship. What are you scared of? Also how dumb are you after a few weeks I think most people would have got the hint that he wasn't interested. Get a life and move on!
2006-09-14 01:14:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't love this person, you are infatuated.
You don't live with him
You don't know his habits
You don't know him on the personal level the way his partner does
In reality, he might really get on your nerves. He won't be perfect but because this has become an obsession, you'll think he is. Get the right help, rationalise your obsession and move on, there'll be someone lovely out there for you. Good luck sausage.x
2006-09-14 01:23:12 · answer #10 · answered by mother knowledge 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first i mus t say this "damn i wish i could find girl who would love me for ten years too". but on a more serious note you need to focus and let your head do the thinking. you probably have the laid out qualities that you admire in a guy now look at this guy from a critical point of view, is he the exact perfect guy that you really want? he might have many of the things you want in a guy but if you could just "stop your heart and let your head" for a while you would find out there there is another guy who is really attracted to you with all these qualities of your dream guy.
2006-09-14 01:04:13 · answer #11 · answered by nayo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋