Best Friends and Weddings?

Question

Awhile back I was asked to be in my friends wedding. I was not included in any of the shopping, I was told about it after the fact. I was made to feel un-welcome in all of the planning. After my saying I would be in the wedding I became very ill.....sometimes even bedridden. Due to medical and finacial reasons I declined to be in the ceremony. The week of the wedding I was terribly sick....horrible stomach virus ontop of my other issues. I was un-able to attend the ceremony but sent a card and gift to say I was sorry I was un-able to be there. I never got a thank you and now the Bride won't speak to me.....a lifelong friendship ruined. I feel it's childish. I couldn't have been the only person to be un-able to attend. She also never sent thank you's to any of my family members who also sent gifts. I feel it was rude.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry to hear about your health issues - I hope you are on the mend!

As for your friend - there comes a time when we have to stop and realize that toxic relationships have no place in our life. Obvioulsy this friend can not see past her own personal needs and is being quite selfish and childish here. She clearly did not value your friendship before. If she had, she would have welcomed you as part of the dress shopping and other planning that directly related to you. At this point, with a health scare and such, you should take stock of what is important and realize you don't need this person in your life.

This girl feels like she has the upper hand. She won't speak to YOU... meaning, she is calling the shots here and you have not even done anything wrong. Perhaps a letter or email is in order - let her know that you are sorry she doesn't understand your situation and you are sorry that you extended yourself as much as you did (offering to be in the wedding in the first place and then sending a gift while you were sick).

You're too important to let someone like this hurt you so much.

Answer 2

Weddings are such emotional processes for people; they are acquiring new families, dealing with many challenging emotions as well as endure a lot of stress. That being said, I see a lot of unrealistic expectations from couples-- they demand the very best that does not falter from their families, wedding professionals and friends. They think that because they are important to you, their wedding is important to you as well.

On that same token, with that being said, being asked to stand up in someone's wedding is an honor. Most bridesmaids see it as fleeting-- having to buy another (and possibly hideous) dress, pay for gifts, travel, parties and more. If you strip it down to its most basic layer: a friend has asked you to participate in a day that she will always remember for the rest of her life. It is the beginning of her family. Although there is a lot of pageantry and fanfare, that is what the day is all about.

Regrettably, you were ill during the week of your friend's wedding. Hopefully you conveyed this to your friend and did not give your friend any false pretenses (saying you would show and didn't, failed to give notice at all, etc.). However, your friend's behavior is a bit childish and rude. Consider your loss as well: I'm sure you paid for gifts, dress, shoes, etc. It is inconsiderate of your friend not to understand the losses you have incurred and cannot get back.

Right now, she is blinded by the hurt and disappointment of your absence and is feuled by a little "bridezilla-ness". People are in our lives for a season, and some situations reveal when their season is up. If the friendships worth salvaging, I would give her some time to cool off-- she needs to work through her faltered high expectations and childish behavior. Write her a note to tell her how you feel. At least you will have been heard and the ball is in her court. You will know that you ulitmately did the right and mature thing.

Answer 3

I think you found the true person in your so called friend. If she was a true friend she would have known how sick you were and that it was not your fault. It is completely acceptable if you were unable to attend her wedding because you were bedridden or extremely ill.

Second, her lack of thank-you cards is also poor etiquette. Has anyone else who went to the wedding received a thank-you card or are you and your family the only ones? If the case is that you are the only ones and others have, this just shows you she is not a friend worth having. If others have not gotten any thank-you cards, then she is just plain inept when it comes to social eticate.

Answer 4

It's unfortunate that sometimes you find out that people whom you thought were good friends, really aren't, especially at weddings.

My "best-friend" was jealous when I got married, she was also upset that I didn't chose her to be the maid-of-honour. She was never there for me, and was very selfish on my wedding-- and I was a totally easy going bride. When it was time for her wedding, she didn't involve me in anything. I called her almost daily and offered to help with anything, even though I had a 5 month old baby. It wasn't good enough for her.

There will always be people who are totally self absorbed. She might be telling herself that your sickness was an excuse... but it doesn't matter. It's her problem. I'm sure everyone knows how rude she is being as she is taking it out on your family as well.

You don't need friends like that. One day she'll realise what she did and will probably regret it.

Answer 5

The bride was very rude not to send you a thank you note (obviously she is immature), but what you should've done after learning they all went shopping without you - was to call the bride and say due to health reasons, you must decline being in the wedding party. It's not the most polite thing to do, but it would've worked. It sounds like they didn't really want you in the wedding party, anyway. I think this was a huge plot on your friend's part to disable the relationship. Accept it and move on - it doesn't sound like she was a good friend.

Answer 6

I think you just found out How Good of a friend you have..... unfortunately if she is going to be a jerk about it, there's nothing you can do but let it go. I didn't have enough money to be in a friends SECOND wedding because it was soo huge and fancy.... did I mention that she and her FI are bankrupt.... But they didn't care, they thought everyone should blow all this money on them. It was going to cost like $2,000 for me to be in the wedding and I was in the middle of purchasing and selling a home. I told her it was too much and I couldn't afford it... plus she won't answer me on How much the shower was going to be....
Well, her husband called me a threaten me.... telling me how horrible I was.... and how their wedding should be sooo important to me.
You know what, I know it hurts now but in the end....
Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish!!
Weddings bring out the true arsholes in people!!

Answer 7

If you want her to remain a friend, then give her a call or send her an e-mail to touch base with her. Give her a chance to vent her frustrations and explain what's going on. If she refuses to discuss it with you, then simply move on and be happy to be out of such a ridiculous relationship. You sent a gift. You sent a card. Your circumstances could not be predicted when you originally accepted. It happens.

Answer 8

I went through the same thing. I was very ill and I couldn't travel to be in her wedding we were best friends all through school She had no compassion for that. She was being selfish in my opinion that was 8 years ago and we have never spoken since .You are better off without a friend like that.It will be hard but there's no need for it.

Answer 9

It sounds like your "friend" is being unfair. But cut her some slack on the thank you's. She has one year to send a thank you, although seldom does it take that long for most brides. Please just take care of your self and worry about your health. When the time comes, I suggest that you speak to her about the situation or write a note to her. Again, your health is top priority.

Answer 10

it was very rude of them. You deserve an apology. I hope you feel better now. But..maybe you should of opted out to be in the wedding party a little sooner.