Does this automatically put the friendship in jeopardy?
2006-09-13 22:07:48 · 35 answers · asked by retorik75 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The reason I do not want to go is because marriage in the US is reserved primarily for heterosexual couples, which I think is wrong. To attend, would be to betray my beliefs. To not attend, would be to betray my friend (according to some). I am not holding it against her for wanting to marry; I just want to have the right to decline without ruining my friendship.
2006-09-13 23:07:52 · update #1
Plus, I do not even like weddings, and I do not understand why people make such a big deal out of them. But, according to most of you, if my friend decides to get married, then that automatically requires me to go. So, she gets the choice of whether or not to marry. But, I get no choice of whether or not to attend. THAT is what I see as unfair.
2006-09-14 07:32:29 · update #2
I do NOT want to penalize her for having a hetero marriage. I just want that she NOT penalize me for not going.
2006-09-14 09:35:16 · update #3
you dont have to decline an invitation...to attend or not is your choice...if you decided not to, a valid explanation will not ruin your friendship...besides, that friend of yours should understand your reason...how could you be friends otherwise?
2006-09-13 22:18:42 · answer #1 · answered by yoodge 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you will put your friendship in jeopardy. By not attending, you aren't protesting the state of the homophobic U.S., you are protesting the marriage of your friend. Be her friend by still holding your beliefs, but supporting her choice. Your beliefs will still be your beliefs and her getting married will not change them, and your absence will not change the U.S. into recognizing gay marriage. It's kind of like refusing to go to college because you don't like that Bush didn't increase college funding - you aren't "protesting" in an effective way. It's not your abstaining from your that will make the difference, it's other things you can do to send a message. Unless she's having posters that berate gay marriage or will publically be saying that "it's Adam & Eve not Adam & Steve," and that's why her marriage is right, then help her celebrate her day. Her marriage isn't personally stopping anyone else from getting married.
If anything, seeing how happy she is on her wedding day may inspire you to ask the U.S. to give gays the same rights.
2006-09-14 07:59:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a question for you, is the belief of heterosexuality you expressed the belief of the couple or the belief of the church/nation. As an American I know that only one state and a handful of churches will unite homosexual couples. Most of the people I invite to my wedding will be heterosexual and my church and state hates the idea of gay marriage. Does that mean that I do? Or, that my marriage is a reflection of that hate? No. It means that my church hasn't come around yet.
If you are protesting her church, society, or culture, get over yourself and go (I know, it is a bitchy thing to say). Support her union, not the beliefs of where the union is occurring. If you have other reservations about the marriage, then tell your friend and politely decline.
Good Luck!
2006-09-14 03:06:28 · answer #3 · answered by emp04 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is wrong for your reasoning.
Just because your friend has found someone they love, regardless if it is a hetrosexual marriage or a homosexual union, the ceremony is to celebrate the love of two people. Yes, it may be wrong that the US does not allow for same-sex marriages, but why are you blaming that on your friend by not attending her wedding because of those reasons.
Weddings are a time of celebration. Go and celebrate the union of your close friend and be happy that she has found someone she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Don't throw away this opportunity to share in what will be the best day in her life because of your rebellion of society. It is not her fault that she is marrying hetrosexually.... it is her preference. Would you not go to a homosexual union because of the same reasons????
2006-09-14 04:58:49 · answer #4 · answered by smsherrick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can decline it and keep it clean then you'll be ok... use the excuse about "traveling" because I a asume you have to travel to get to this wedding.... Hell, book a vacation the date of her wedding and say you had that first. But whatever you do- don't give a moral speech or use her wedding as a soapbox. It's not fair and if she really your friend, you would suck it up and just go.
I don't understand how you can be friends with someone if you don't agree or at least understand their lifestyle??
Just think about it if the whole thing was reversed!
2006-09-14 02:40:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why should you penalize your friend for having a hetero wedding? that's what it sounds like you're doing, to me. you're upset with the idea that same-sex weddings are illegal in the us, (i don't blame you, any adults of consenting age should be allowed to marry), but that's not the point. who gets hurt in this situation? it doesn't make a difference to the lawmakers in the us. all it does is potentially upset your friend.
if i were you i'd go & celebrate with your friend because you support her & want her to be happy, regardless of whether it's a hetero or same sex wedding. if you don't go & you have to give your reason i can't see your friend being very happy about your reason.
2006-09-14 07:56:49 · answer #6 · answered by ms v 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless you have pretty spectacular reason why you can't go - it is really bad form. Why don't you want to go? Remember your friend will not (hopefully) have another day like this and it is the one day they look back and talk about for years to come. It will always come up that you were not there. Wedding days are supposed to be about sharing it with your nearest and dearest. Think again, even if you have to go with gritted teeth.
2006-09-13 22:27:37 · answer #7 · answered by rondavous 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a wedding is an almost once in lifetime event in a person's life so as much as possible you do attend when invited (plus not all people you know gets invited).
if you do have a REALLY VALID reason for not doing so, just advise him/her as early as possible (maybe he/she can still arrange for another friend to attend to replace your seat), i am sure he/she will understand your position.
later you can still make up for it by sending a nice gift for their wedding and/or by attending another once-in-a-lifetime events in their marriage life such as their first baby shower, first child's christening, and a lot more.
2006-09-13 22:15:26 · answer #8 · answered by kamahalan_12 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see how attending a heterosexual wedding goes against your beliefs. It sounds like you are against heterosexual weddings.
If I were your friend, I would sever my relationship with you. Your reason is selfish and makes no sense.
2006-09-14 01:26:13 · answer #9 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on the reason. Remember, there's no such thing as an excuse. Accept the invitation, and simply "fail" to make the wedding...
2006-09-13 22:10:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋