2006-09-13 19:57:15 · 4 answers · asked by aaa 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon...
Demon: Why so glum chum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.
Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy: Gee that sounds great.
Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking.
Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember?
Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!
Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling.
Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow.
Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!!
Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!
Demon: You gay?
Guy: Uh no.
Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.
2006-09-13 20:07:01 · answer #1 · answered by Fraueline 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.'
This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age.
A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.
"Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen."
The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen three times this week!"
2006-09-14 03:04:19 · answer #2 · answered by Pd 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
a drunk man was sitting outside a bar on the curb crying uncontrollably
the owner of the bar had called the police and they arrived in a short time
the officer asked the man" why are you crying fella?"
the man answered "someone stole my car!" And he started to really howl
the officer said" now now where was the last place you saw it ?"
the drunk sniffling said as he held up his hand" on the end of this key!"
2006-09-14 03:36:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I once went into a store to buy a few items. After I paid for the items, I was walking out of the store and out of nowhere, this woman walked in front of me and asked me if I was going to see a movie. I said no and started to move. She went in front of me again and asked me if I was going to the mall. I said no and just as I started to move, she threw herself onto the ground and held onto one of my legs. She began to pull on it She pulled my leg and pulled my leg, just like I am pulling your leg.
2006-09-14 03:01:33 · answer #4 · answered by daddydoggie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋