my brother in lawis rude to me i have never met him & never seen him but i will be soon since i am going to be living with my in laws soon. we talk to my laws every sunday since we are in another country & they are in US. few months back he was all alone cuz my father in law was visiting us so i called him up cuz he was very sick & i told him i will call him every day to see if he is ok since he is all alone he got angry & almost yelled "i am at work & i am always busy at work i don't have time for all this ok?"
i used to talk to him for 30 minutes & all he said was really, ummm ok talk to you later now give the phone to my bro. one time i was making fun of my hubby cuz he said something really funny and cute & i was telling him he immediately took it seriously & took his bro side & made it clear to me that i should never ever make fun of his bro again. now i don't talk to him for long just hello hi &. but i will be living with my laws soon what should i do? i am so scarred of him.
2006-09-13 18:46:08 · 12 answers · asked by Saint N 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
one time i called to talk to my father in law and he asked me to talk to my BIL and he yelled at his dad that he does not want to talk i heard on the phone but still my father in law insisted. when he came on the phone i said why don't you want to talk & he said not that was not it he was ironing ans was busy & that "i should keep my head straight and brain alert and make out such stuff and stop messing around. he asked me if i was stupid. my husband knows everything but he always takes his bro's side.
i think i should go for a divorce.
do you think i should go for a divorce?
2006-09-13 19:25:49 · update #1
It sounds like he doesn't like to talk on the phone and loves his brother a lot. Perhaps once he meets you and sees how much you love your husband he will be better. If that doesn't work then just try and keep your distance and not talk to him unless necessary
2006-09-13 18:49:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be polite to him. If he asks you a question, answer, but don't volunteer any extra information. Don't bother approaching him, just be civil and polite. It sounds like he's got some personal problems, maybe he's jealous that his brother is happily married and he's not.
Anyway, don't go out of your way to be friendly to him, let him make that first move, if he does. If not, then consider it his loss because you've tried and he's just not up for it.
Some people are just not happy, nice people and there's nothing you can do to change that for them. If he continues to be rude, just continue to be polite. Are you familiar with the phrase "kill them with kindness"? It does work most of the time.
2006-09-14 01:09:53 · answer #2 · answered by Laurie K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it takes us time to understand the old dynamics running in a family, so instead of trying too hard to fit in or trying to please everyone, just be your self and gradually the fitting in will happen, as once you change yourself for another they would want to be that way forever, so be careful and make sure you don't bend over backward too much to get hurt yourself in the bargain.
As they say, First know what how do you like you like your eggs?....before asking everybody else.
I am sure once you meet things will be sorted out soon, make sure you bring this topic up for clearance as it is not good to let it brew in you and further detoxify your system and your relationships, As it has hurt you, so your responsibility is to make your hurt known and then to forgive him for what he did after understanding his viewpoint.
Make sure you again don't try to be a 'Saint' within your new family, learn to stand your ground as well so that you don't get pushed over, and yes many families have different dynamics so respect that as well. What is funny is one family can be offensive for another. What can be seen as helpful and kind in one, can be seen as nosy in another. What is being sociable for one family can be seen as windbag in another. It is all relative, you see, especially when law comes into the picture.
2006-09-13 19:12:03 · answer #3 · answered by Abhishek Joshi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Needless to say you are just going to have to be positive about the whole situation, when your BIL is around, just smile and be polite. Allow him to lead it into a relationship and don't push your way into one. Needless to say, its his choice to like you or not and you have to remember you can't make people love you for who you are.
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
2006-09-13 18:51:02 · answer #4 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you start living with your in-laws, my best advice is to be polite to your brother in law but not engage him in conversation unless he is the one to start it. Answer truthfully and in short answers and offer no extra information that he can react to negatively or use against you in front of other relatives. He has the problem and you can't change him, you can only change the way you react to him. Polite, honest, keep conversations to a minimum
2006-09-13 18:50:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Focus on your relationship with your husband. Be polite to your brother-in-law, but don't expect to make friends with him. Avoid conversation that is not necessary. Let him initiate conversation and keep your responses brief. If he is ill, perhaps that is the reason for his rudeness. Maybe, if given enough space and time, he will warm to you. If not, consider it his loss.
2006-09-13 18:52:20 · answer #6 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some poeple don't get it if u try to be nice to them .don't divorce ur husband just go there and be ready for war l think this guy wants to make ur life difficult.if he wants war give it to him it seems it is the language he understand.
2006-09-13 22:35:18 · answer #7 · answered by holy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep being polite but not talkative. He clearly doesn't want to have much to do with you and you don't want to have much to do with him, so you both agree.
2006-09-13 18:49:56 · answer #8 · answered by cpinatsi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go out of your way to be nice to him....he may feel u as a threat because u are well liked....besides the guilt mite get to him
2006-09-13 19:08:37 · answer #9 · answered by imhogwilde 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you kidding me. i used to care for my inlaws, beacause i wanted to be one family, but my sis-inlaw envy me. she even wanted my boyfriend to leave me.... so you know what just ,ade sure my boy and i were ok. if she ever disrespected me i told my boy (forget formalities) and he took care of her..... soon you will get tired of his hatting ***. be strong.
2006-09-13 18:55:15 · answer #10 · answered by tjdeya24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋