Tell mother-in-law straight up or let it slide?

Question

I know Ive posted before about my boyfriends mom (who one day will be my mother-in-law). She lies to me about him in hopes I will leave him; she badmouths me to him and the rest of his family. We are staying with her while we save up money, he just got out of the service.
But I had to get away from her and visit my family out of state. My bf just told me tonight on the phone that his dad (his mom's ex husband) had something to tell him. His dad said, "Your mom asked me to badmouth Sami to you, so that you would break up with her." This kinda crap had been going on for 3 MONTHS NOW! She wont stop!
She's trying to break us up, and hads already managed to have some of his family hate me (even though I am nothing but nice to everyone, including HER even after all this $#&*!)
Should I sit down and talk with her, let her know that I know what she's up to... convince my bf to talk to her some more (he's already tried)... write her a letter?
We're still at her mercy financially... it STIN

She wants him to get back together with his baby's momma, and is obsessed with them being together again. She even has a shortcut on her desktop to a photo of his ex's eyes. A photo-shopped close-up picture of her EYES. She's PSYCHOTIC!

Answer 1

If you let this slide now, you will have to endure her behaving like this for the rest of your life. I wouldn't be surprised if she gave the baby's mother a hard time too, and it's only now that she's lost touch with her grandchild that she realises what she did. My guess is, no woman would be good enough for her little boy!

However it's not up to you. It would be completely inappropriate for you to confront her. That's for your bf to do.

It sounds like she is quite a dominant woman, otherwise the ex husband wouldn't have called your bf and told him what he'd been instructed to do - he would just have refused to do it. So your bf may be reluctant to take a stand.

You need to tell your boyfriend that this is very, very important to you. If he hesitates, say that if he doesn't do it, you will feel that his mom means more to him than you do, and that makes you worry about the future. Suggest to him that if he's not man enough to stand up to this woman, perhaps he could persuade his dad to go along with him and confront her together.

If YOU try to do anything yourself, it will only make her worse. If her darling son tells her she either has to accept you or lose him, I think she will give in, though I'm sure she will huff and puff and bluff for a while before she does. Tell your bf not to be fooled!

Answer 2

Because you are at her financial mercy (and I hate to say this), you may have to let it slide. Obviously, your boyfriend isn't going to leave you because of what she says. Ask his dad to tell him what he told you. Grit your teeth and smile. It will be hard. I know.

Having said that, if you are able to get your own place... even if it's just a small apartment... I would. Find someplace with cheap rent and save every penny.

If you feel like you have to confront her somehow, sit her down and tell her you know what she's doing. (I'd warn his dad first, in case you need back up) Be strong. Be firm. Ask her why she feels the need to break you guys up. Don't get emotional or defensive. She'll most likely try to hurt your feelings or make you say something she'll make you regret. You seem to love your boyfriend enough to go through Hell for him.

Answer 3

girl, I feel for ya' believe me!!..I have a mother in law for almost 27yrs. now. Not only did I go through the evil mother in law drama at 19, I went through it at 40!...The meddling..The "my son" thing....getting other people involved...gossip...the lies..etc. I had put up with all I could take, till I couldn't take it anymore.Boy, did I write a letter.(we don't live in same town)First time in 51/2 years I was in the same room and that was last year.We don't visit or have communication..my choice!. I am assuming you are young, in your 20's, some how your gonna have to nip it in the butt, or you'll be writing the same letter when your 40!!...Your b/f is either going to take his mother aside and say knock it off ma', or the two of you tell her..You are living in her house, that right there is a big problem!!!...Did your b/f just get out of the Army?...My daughter did last March, she joined the Coast Guard! No overseas, same benefits, pretty fast advancement, my son is in almost 9 years, E-7. Why not check into it, and get out on your own, ya' gotta work somewhere, why not protect your loved ones and earn a paycheck, you'll have to get married or she doesn't go with you. You have to get out of her "territory"

Answer 4

wow your going through a tight situation...first of all you need to ask yourself is this all worth it... being that your just bf & gf now...don't get it confused with wanting to prove anything to this mother in law like that her son is in love with you...or anything...is this worth your sanity?...now she's been this way for 3 months and when a person acts a certain way chances are that's how they are...so you've been taking this in for this long... can you see yourself taking it in any longer?...now those are just a few questions you should be asking yourself in this drama...now if you want this guy then that's different...and you need to let your guy see things as real as it is...I'm sure he know's as well as her husband now...so they know what's she's doing but how you handle things will show her to lay off...and how to handle that is tell your man to be man and tell his mom straight up not you because you wouldn't sit down and let anyone tell your parents off...but be real...the first thing I would do is not be in her house...stay with a friend and save money...think of another way to save money...if not then... get use to eating humble pie. Sorry for your troubles...hope you find a way to work it out. Hope I gave you somewhere to start.

Answer 5

You both need to go to her and tell her that you tell each other what she says to the other. Let her know that you's are totally committed and tell her that you will just have to save for a house slower and move out if she doesnt stop. She isnt gonna want her lil boy to move out, so i am guessing that she will stop or become less obvious about it. It might not be a bad idea to move out anyway, sure you wont get your house has fast, but you will have your sanity.

Answer 6

Okay.
First: Do NOT stay with his family to "save money" until this has all been hashed out. Stay in separate houses if you have to, but don't live with them!
Second: She is who she is. She will never ever ever change. She just can't. You're not good enough for her son because NOBODY is good enough for her son. She's holding out for a girl more like herself.
Third: Your BOYFRIEND should be the one to handle his mother. Not you. You wouldn't want him yelling at your parents either. If he's man enough to be with you, he's man enough to tell his mom where to go.

Answer 7

This is the EXACT situation with my friend and her mother-in-law. The guy had to straight up tell his mom that he was staying with her no matter what, and to cut that crap out cause its disrespectful to both of them. She's gotten better but still says stuff now and then, and they've been married 7 years!

Answer 8

you know the best thing you can do as for the mother promble,tell her where the road is ok because mothers like that are 90% of couples prombles cause the mother wants to pick who her little boy gets with.but its you and him thats in the realtionship not her.just work on makeing him happy and dont worry about her.because it sounds to me that no matter what know one is going to be good enough for her son.so she well run them all off if you let her.i had one of them untill i told her where the highway was and the best thing that she could do for her self was to hit right fast like.and we have been together for 16 years now.good luck,

Answer 9

There is nothing worse than an evil mother-in-law that hates you unless it's an evil ex-wife - I think they are more trouble.

Unfortunately if you are living with her you're going to have to put up with this kind of crap. Any idea what her objection to you is? Does she hate all his girlfriends or just you? Was there any incident you know of that made her dislike you or was it right away?

Answer 10

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