I am a 26 year old woman who has been in a relationship for a little over 3 years. He moved out recently because he said I did not trust him and he wanted to be able to go out when he felt like it. He has been saying recently that he loves me and has not been messing around. I found out that he went to lunch with a coworker of his who I know for a fact that she like him. Anyway, he refuses to stop his drinking and I just want to know how long I should keep trying with this man? Is it better to be alone?
2006-09-13 18:09:04 · 36 answers · asked by tired324 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He lives with his mom now. Like for example here i am tonight wanting to talk to him and he lets me go so he can drink by hiself and watch a movie? I dont understand how a man does not want to talk to a woman over getting drunk?
2006-09-13 18:10:36 · update #1
he is 28 years old.
2006-09-13 18:20:52 · update #2
dont' keep trying even if you feel that you love him...I'm sure you 'll find a better man who really loves you, you have already seen his behavior and it talks by itself... you dont' like the fact that he drinks and what he've just made with that girl and about you. Alcohol is not a minor factor when we talk about destroying people's life or even families...please dont' feel responsable about his behavior.ok? you are not his mother, his nurse, or anything like that, all you're asking for is "to have a "normal and good relationship with him" but it's not working, am I clear?this is not about hanging around and having fun with his friends... if this is all about, what he doesn't take you with him to have fun together also? For many people It might seem something "little"or "nothing to get worried about" but for you it's important ..if not you were not asking about it here...get out of it even if it hurts you, you might think that you've lost your time or even part of your life next to him...honey, dont' worry about it, you're not the only one who lives these kind of experiences, believe me There are many honest and with good feelings men around you, you might not see it now because in fact you're in this relationship right now but once you get out of it I know it'll be easy for you to see it, if you feel like I can't get out of this"...get yourself stronger ,you're young and have a world of much better chances...just get what you really deserve...good luck.
2006-09-13 18:23:06 · answer #1 · answered by lilly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my --- no offense, but there are plenty of reasons to go have drinks over talking to a partner.
Let's look at this from another angle.
1. If he says he is not messing around -- you have to believe him. Until it's more than lunch with a co-worker, he's telling you the truth. In fact, lunch with a co-worker makes a lot of sense, happens all the time.
2. He says he loves you -- you have to believe him. Doubting what he tells you is your problem, not his.
3. He moved out because you do not trust him. You don't trust him, he told you so. Odds are you've been dogging him too.
4. Define drinking. They've found evidence of wine making almost 8 thousand years ago. Man, as creature, has been looking for a way to soften the life experience since Day One. Because our current culture looks down on "drinking", it does not reflect the standard world wide nor our history. Stop calling it BAD, because to drink is not bad -- it's in the Bible! Uncontrolled alcoholism is bad -- having a drink after work is not.
5. He felt he had to ask permission to go out. This is a controlling situation that he obviously rebelled against. Next time, treat your partner like a man and let him be a man. Try not to be emasculating.
Normally in here, I try to side with the Asker -- but in this case I have three truck loads of sympathy for this man who put up with three years of psychological terrorism.
2006-09-13 18:25:50 · answer #2 · answered by wrathofkublakhan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have tried too long already, its obviously not going to work out. Oh my goodness so all the other men in the world have suddenly vanished? I hadn't heard and you would think a thing like that would be on the news!!! LOL Seriously, the point is since when does dropping a loser mean you will be alone? There are tons of fish in the sea...now go fish!
2006-09-13 18:12:30 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if the guy cannot change his bad habit for someone he loves then thats a problem i guess. he still wants to do his drinking thing or night out thing without even thinking of how you'll feel. You're better off finding somone else that'll appreciate how you feel. dont worry about ending the 3 years relationship. 3 years is better to longer years of emotional strain if you go on with this man. It is not better to be alone, but it is better to find someone else that you'll be more happy with.
2006-09-13 18:22:48 · answer #4 · answered by little_devil501 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's an alcoholic. Run away as fast as you can. These people care about nothing but where their next bottle is coming from. If you stay with him your life will be a living hell. Being alone would be much better for you. At least then you'll have a chance of finding someone decent instead of being chained to a boat anchor.
2006-09-13 18:15:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haven't you tried enough? You have given three years of your life. Someone that loves you would stay and work on trust issues not move away so that you would doubt him more. Let him know you are concerned and prepare yourself for the possibility that a love you've worked on so hard might be over.
It is hard to love someone, and even harder to love yourself enough to let the person go. If it was meant to be it will be but for now you need to let it go.
Best wishes and remember it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. Keep your head up!
2006-09-13 18:11:15 · answer #6 · answered by poetic princess 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I for one, would not stay with a man who cannot give you a good reason why he is having lunch with a co-worker - who likes him AND continues to insist on going out to drink without you. sounds like he has some major issues and opts to not include you in clearing them up. you did not mention his age but if he is a lot older than you than he could be going thru some mid life crisis where he needs to prove to himself that he is still hot and available. don't waste you time hon .... let him go to deal with his drinking and meeting women who find him hot. there are sooo many more fish in the sea and at you age .... you have so much more to see! good luck girl!
2006-09-13 18:16:28 · answer #7 · answered by surreal_survivor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he moved out, he is showing he doesn't need you. Ouch. But take it as a good sign that you can leave without feeling guilty. You've tried and you've loved. But he doesn't reciprocate.
it is better to be alone and safe (drinking can potentially cause alot of harm...physically and emotionally to those around the person) than to worry your heart out over a selfish person. You've got a lot of love in you. Give it to someone else.
2006-09-13 18:15:33 · answer #8 · answered by Beth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he just wanna have some space, its been a long years now since you two have been together doing the same. i know you miss some of the romantic things you use to do with him. Girl, why not, go on also with your own life like what he does maybe in Gods time he will figure it out, just give him some space now, and if your tired by all this then give it up!
why suffer and be a martyr for God sake have a life enjoy like he is doing,
Tell him that you wanna know his friends, Go out on group dates, for sure he will agree, unless he disapproves it. God bless
2006-09-13 18:15:54 · answer #9 · answered by flower_roxy101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie just let it go. He moved out for a reason and it wasn't to get drunk alone. Of course you're not going to get over him in a couple of days. Move on you deserve better anyways. Just stay strong and keep your head up.
2006-09-13 18:28:37 · answer #10 · answered by Phatbum!!! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋