I'm 18 years old and a virgin. I'm not saving myself for marriage & I thought I would at least have fallen in love with someone before college, but here I am, still a virgin. Anyway I've been messing around with this guy for about a month now and he's in an open relationship and I have a crush on him and we've done basically everything short of having sex so I'm wondering, should I just go for it? A lot of my friends first times havent been special and I feel like maybe I'm putting the penis on a pedestal. I know this guy does not love me. I really like him. I don't even know if he likes me. He may just be using me. I'm lonely here. I just want someone to hold me. What do you guys think, does the first time have to be special? A large part of me kinda just wants to get it over with. This is my second week in college and I'm having a hard time adjusting. Im pretty sure this guy just wants a lover he doesnt have to love. Will I get attached and clingy after having sex? I don't want that.
2006-09-13 17:35:48 · 42 answers · asked by Amyl Nitrate 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It sounds more like a you are headed to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. I don't think you should at this time 'just to get over with'. I would wait until it feels right when it happens.
2006-09-13 17:39:34 · answer #1 · answered by wowwhatwasthat 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My answer probably won't be an answer, but I'll discuss the subject in this forum.
I've never understood the appeal of a virgin from a man's point of view. I think it'd take a very insecure man to want to seduce a virgin. I guess he can't be compared to better lovers -- it's beyond me.
As for you -- chances are it won't be a lot of fun. I doubt you've explored your own sexuality on a personal / physical level. I urge you now to set your expectations very low.
I realize there may be moral or spiritual implications in your decision -- but if you are not "saving it", I'd suggest you just get it over with and know it's just the first step on a wonderful journey enjoying the magical body that God have given you.
Don't put the penis on a pedestal, you'll be let down for the rest of your life! You need to teach yourself how to make your body respond, not depend on a lover to guide you -- unless he is a very special, kind and generous man. And there are men out there like that -- but -- that is the search everyone is on. I believe that a woman needs to know her own body, that's all.
And, my last thing is: with this wonderful tool, the internet, some wonderful people have posted some candid frank web sites on "how to" have sex. Do your research and learn what it is that everyone's been so excited about.
2006-09-13 17:58:04 · answer #2 · answered by wrathofkublakhan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first of all i would never let anyone use me....and in college i didn't get lonely or desparate..HOWEVER I did feel the same way about wanting to "get it over with" because in my head I wanted to make sure I got it right with the one that counted....yes penis on the pedestal!!..so anyway I went to a party and met this guy..(use protection!)...and I did it...when it was over I was like....that's it?!..it didnt hurt like i thought it was suppose to but then again I rode horses all my life so I guess a bounce here or there may have stretched you know what so that it didnt hurt...but the thing is with me i chose someone who i hardly knew....so we both knew we were using each other for the night..he didn't know it was my first time...probably couldn't tell...it was over in 5 minutes!..but if you have a crush on this guy...thats different...girls are all emotional...boys just want to "do it"...and that young they'll do anything...so sorry hon but i get the feeling you won't be so special and he'll leave you in the dirt! and you don't want MR Open to know that you're all crying over him!...plus if he's a ladies man ..word may get out across the campus...then who would you have for friends...so i think i'd wait a little longer..besides school just started...take it so...and get yourself adjusted first..SLOW DOWN...
2006-09-13 17:45:17 · answer #3 · answered by TWISTER 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, wait until you are with someone you really love and make it special so you won't ever regret it! Being a virgin isn't a bad thing at all and it is a better thing to wait until you found the right person you love not just doing stuff with any random person that comes along.
I am with my b/f 3 1/2 years and he has been my first and only and that makes me feel happy because I'm inlove with him. I found love at a real young age but it differs for different people. Many people don't have my situation but I do think waiting for the right person will make it so much better for you. I have had friends do stuff with about anyone they could do stuff with and one of them... she is heading down the wrong path if you know what I mean.
Good luck ,
Sincerely Kitty
2006-09-13 17:42:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you may get a little clingy. The first time is special. Even if it is with someone that is not special. You will always remember the first time. Do you want to remember the first time with someone that doesnt care and love you for who you are? Do you really want to be with someone that does not think you are special. I am sure it is fun to play and mess around. But he is obviously more experienced and is only having fun.
If you can do this sex with him and seperate your feelings then go for it, but my opinion and the reality of it is.... dont do it. Make it special. Arent you special??????
And...about adjusting to college, I think this sex thing is what is making you think too much. Concentrate on your studies. You are young, and when you find a fun person who thinks you are special ----GO FOR IT. Remember to ask yourself...
Am I special.... I think so :)
2006-09-13 17:42:01 · answer #5 · answered by LM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, don't have sex just for the sake of having sex. It should be meaningful. You are still very young. Wait for someone special, not someone in an open relationship who is probably using you. The fact that you are trying to adjust to college has alot to do with how you're feeling. Get involved in campus activities. Join some clubs. Enjoy your youth and don't make a major mistake.
2006-09-13 17:40:13 · answer #6 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you're asking should mean there's a red flag. If you two aren't in a monogamous relationship, I would avoid doing it with him. The first time really isn't great, so you should do it with someone who you are really involved with. Don't be in a big rush to lose it to someone if you can't tell if he is usin you. Having sex usually makes us girls rather clingy, even though we try to seem like we're not. You want to do it with a boyfriend for the first time, just because then you know that it won't just be a one-night stand. Don't worry about it, it's only your second week, and sex REALLY doesn't make it easier to adjust.
2006-09-13 17:43:08 · answer #7 · answered by Samwise Potter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd wait for a guy you're more "in love with" ...there are plenty of guys at college. If you do anything, use a rubber regardless of his relationship status. People lie. Also, someone in an open relationship is probably a bad idea if you want to go anywhere beyond "friends with benefits" because you may end up falling for him. ...Either way, keep focused on your courses and try to have a good time.
2006-09-13 17:44:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your instincts about this situation are right. Congratulate yourself for recognizing a user when you see one and pass him by.
Your first year in college is no time to get involved in painful emotional entanglements. You can endure some loneliness....in fact, learning to be on your own is a very important part of your education as an adult. You deserve a lover who is capable of affection and emotional responsiveness, and that may take some time and prospecting, but it will be worth the wait.
2006-09-13 17:41:31 · answer #9 · answered by silver.graph 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh sweeti....look in a guy...and from a guys point of view it doesnt have to be special...just make sure you are ready...ready meaningu know this guy is really good to you..he loves you...and you are willing to make love to him...
a girl will always have a scar in there hearts of when it was there first tyme..it will always be there....my ex gf lost it at 17...to a old ugly guy with 2 kids...she had 2 cuz she had no place to stay..this this day..when i was with her..i rememberd all the time we were together and not a single day where she would not cry about it...and also it made me thinking...how the fcuk could she....
thats why we broke up..i know the past is the past but it will always be there...my asian mate lost it to all hookers..they aint happy about it..just be sure he loves you as much as you love him...cuz it will aways b there..your first love
2006-09-13 17:42:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just wait whats the hurry? I mean seriously if you have to ask if its right you don't truley want this for yourself. And getting it over with isn't right either your first time should be special or at least with someone that likes you who you like back. That guy will come just wait for him!
2006-09-13 17:41:24 · answer #11 · answered by ♥ Sunshine ♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋