My son has no friends in Kindergarten, any ideas?

Question

I know I'm the mom so you may think I'm bias but honestly my son is not smelly or weird or anything. He's bright loves to draw and into dinosaurs and all. Not viloent, very nice, totally normal. There are only 4 other boys in the class and he's content to play alone most the time. The teacher said she's trying to get him a friend. I ask him if he cares about not having a buddy, he says "I don't care, I love school." Should I not care? Maybe because I am so social it's weird to me. Who knows?

Answer 1

It is normal for children at this age to play more side by side than actually with one another. You child's teacher should know this. Kindergarten used to be about socialization and some reading readiness. Desks in kindergarten are an outrage! Parents have allowed this to happen. Insisting that children emerge from kindergarten reading is also outrageous. There needs to be a revolt by parents with the demand for the return of the red circles on the floor and toys, toys, toys.
Children are being pushed too far too fast these days. We are setting them up for failure because we have allowed the corporate mentality to take over the tried and true methods that educated our children for centuries. Now everyone is expected to be a genius by third grade!
If your child's program is not meeting his needs for socialization you should, minimally, continue to monitor the efforts being made to acheive that end. They should be explained to you in terms you can understand that clearly outline the activities and their goals.
If you can, consider a Montessori school for your child. These schools allow for independent exploration into learning and are not unrealistically standards based like most public education is these days.
Your son sounds fine to me.

Answer 2

You shouldn't worry about it as long as it's his choice to be doing things on his own, and it's not a result of kids not wanting to play with him. Some kids are shy, and may take awhile to get comfortable around others. I have two girls (kindergarten and 2nd grade), and they both prefer to do things on their own at school. However, at home they play well with each other. I think it's just a matter of time when they'll develop friends outside their little sister unit.

If you're still concerned, you could try inviting one of the classmates over to your house for a couple of hours for play time with your son. This will help him develop some social skills in the comfort of his own home. Also you will be able to observe how he interacts with his classmate, and you could also encourage activities they can do together.

Answer 3

My first born was that way as well .Give it some time and before long he"ll pick 1 to 3 friends my son did and would only play with 1 or 2 kids everytime never any different kids its weird but I cant explain it ,some kids dont like to be around crowds .My son learns it from his father .Me I dont know a stranger.But in the end we all pick one or 2 people we hang with the most.

Answer 4

I've got four kids under ten years old, and each one is different. Let your son do what he's doing. If he's content to play on his own, embrace that because it's a neat thing when they can entertain themselves. Somebody above mentioned that maybe he doesn't like the four other boys, and there's nothing wrong with that, either. Shows that your son has good judgement to not play with kids he doesn't like. I think he sounds like an absolutely normal child. Just continue to make time for him, and everything will be fine.

Answer 5

it is ok. there are only four boys in the class. Mabey they are jerks. Who knows. I would not be worried that your son is not playing with them right now. I would not worrie about it for a while. Its ok that you care. Thats what moms do. Mabey set up a couple play dates. Or even just go to the park more. He will eventually make firends. Just think he is in kindergarten. This is not junior high or something. He just went from spending time with mom to not spending all day with her. Try to give him time. But at the same time, make sure he knows he is not abandon or something. Ask him about his day, what he learned in school. And mabey one day he will tell you about his new friend. It has only been a little while. need time.

Answer 6

It's still early in the school year, so maybe he is still trying to get used to being in a "bigger and new" school. Give him some time. As for the other 4 boy classmates, casually chat with their parents and introduce your son to them. The introduction will be less "forced" and friendlier outside the classroom environment . At least you (and your son) will have a sense of the parents' interaction toward their child(ren) and their personalities.

Answer 7

Be happy he is not a follower. My son was this way. We never had any problems with drugs/drinking. He had his own mind and his standards were high when it came to who his friends were. He now has friends all over the United States and beyond. The kind of friends that he can depend on. However be warned your son will probably not settle on the ordinary. We have spent big bucks sending him to private schools and private lessons. Be happy you have such a special little guy.

Answer 8

Both my girls were loners through Kindy, Year 1 and Year 2 (30 kid class size, about 50/50 split boys/girls). They started being slightly more social in year 3. I took them to 'social' gatherings outside of school with their other classmates but, frankly, they were just not interested. While the other kids were playing together they either chose to stay with me or, if I observed them without them knowing I was around, simply wandered around alone or sat and looked around or played alone. Some parents seemed concerned about it, and truth was I was a little unsure about it as well. One parent even went to far as to suggest that one of our daughters was being picked on, simply because she chose to isolate herself. I never saw the need to force the issue, and how could I force friendships anyway? They were both happy, doing well at school and were polite and socially competent when they needed to be. They were just loners. Turned out they were gifted and talented but I did not realise that till later. My advice is if your child can interact properly socially but chooses not to I see no need to force the issue, if he says he is happy and you believe him them I would think everything should be sweet. Frankly in Kindy bonds don’t often develop in any case, and there are only four boys in the class anyway.

Answer 9

If there's only 4 other boys in his class then I wouldn't be surprised he hasn't found somebody he likes or knows. That's just a small group to choose from. You might want to set up a play date with one of the other boys if you want him to know somebody at school. If not then consider extra curricular activities like gymnastics or soccer where he can work on social skills.

Answer 10

Give it time this is really the most serious first separation from home with mom..........also he may be extremely shy, communicate any concerns with teacher, and you can with schools help start a Families for Fun group .........you put out a flyer in his class offering to meet with other families of k age children to have activities or ice cream parlor nites, movie trips, bbq's , it has worked wonders in our community.......have met a ton of people !