My husband is serving in the army... what about Iraq???

Question

He has almost completed his training and will be done at the end of October... We have a daughter that will be 7 months old on the 20th of this month. He joined when she was 4 months old. I'm starting to wonder if we thought about this as much as we should have? What in the world will we do if he gets sent to Iraq? I have been so sad lately, and after visiting him at his basic training graduation everything seemed so much more real that it had before. I just don't know what to think. I pray every day that this will never have to happen to us. I can't imagine what other families with the mothers or fathers deployed are going through. How do I cope with this anxiety? How should we mentally prepare ourselves? If he does get sent over, would it be stupid to think about getting pregnant again before he goes? I'm just so upset, I don't know what I would do if this ever happened, and especially if anything ever happened to him... A lot of people are gone for a whole year...

I guess I should probably add a few things... we are to find out where we will be stationed in 1-2 weeks from now. We actually had the baby first and then got married. The reason why he joined the army and we became an army family is because we didn't have too many other options and the Army is providing us with a better life than we could have had on our own - war and all. Neither of us have been to college and we want to be able to provide our children with the best parenting and childhood that we can.
I ask if it would be a good idea to get pregnant again, because we want to have more children sometime. But if he were deployed and something happened... well I can't even think about it. I love my husband so much and I love our daughter so much, she's the best! And I want to have more of his children. I'm just worried about losing my family.

Answer 1

Ok, first, you need to settle down. You don't even know where he'll be assigned to or if and when he'll go to Iraq. Next, NO, do NOT get pregnant before he leaves. He more than likely won't be able to come home for the birth. That's just going to be more added stress to the situation. And, that's 2 kids for you to take care of.

You need to clear your head and get in the mindset that you accepted this respondsibility. He needs your support, not you falling apart. He won't be able to do his job successfully if he's worried about you and what's going on at home. This can be life threatening for him. You'll get through this the way all of us do. You'll find an inner strength in yourself. You'll also get strength from you daughter, no matter how young she is. Kids are incredibly strong and resiliant. However, the more upset you are, the more upset she's going to be. You'll learn to be independant and rely on yourself. Stay busy. Get a parttime job, volunteer and find a hobby. Also, seek support with fellow Army wives and the FRG. There's also lots of agencies on post that can help with any situation during deployment. Keep praying. There's a great deal to be said for church and prayers. Make sure you're capable of taking care of all the financial burdens at home. Have a POA and access to his LES. Make sure you have contact with family and friends. When you do have down days, they'll be a great deal of support for you.

Other than that, calm down and deal with it one day at a time. Honestly, I get in the mindset that "if it can go wrong, it will go wrong while he's gone". Then not much upsets me because I know it's gonna happen. I love this life. It's a rough life, but it's a good life. It'll be what you make of it.

Good luck and support your soldier and you'll both be stronger!!

EDIT: With your additional details, you've in a way answered many of your own questions. You joined the Army for a better life. Now, let the Army provide that life. You knew the risks when you joined. You're really stronger than you think. I know you want a family, but extending that family while he's deployed is the worst possible time. Trust me, it'll be even harder on you if you got preggo and lost the baby due to stress. Also, he probably won't be there for the birth. Hold off and cherish what you have. You're going to get through it like most of us have. Keep your faith in him, yourself, your marriage and God. TRUST ME, IT'S GOING TO BE OK!!

Answer 2

It is extremely possible he will be deployed eventually whether it’s to Iraqi or Kuwait. Just a few weeks ago the government said they were doing a marine recall. I’m sure you have to have know this was a high possibility when you all talked about him joining during war times. However if your husband does go over you are not a lone. Many wives even husbands have spouses over there. You could probably try and find some sort of support group in your town. All you can do is pray for you spouse save return and have others pray for him too.

I don’t think you should have another baby based on the fact your husband could get deployed and maybe even get killed. You’d probably be highly stressed while your husband is over seas. This wouldn’t be good for a pregnancy. You may want to have more children with your husband and that’s fine but just be glad you have one. I personnel know a woman whose husband got deployed when their baby was 5 months old. He was gone for a very short time 8 months. Most get sent over for at least 15 months. Even though both of their families lived in the area it was extremely difficult for her being an only mom for the short time. It would have been even harder had she been pregnant. They recently had their 2nd baby and her husband is very possible going to be deployed again due to the Marine recall.

The good news is it easier to stay connect to those family/friends who are deployed. email , short phone calls.

Answer 3

I know it sucks, but he will have to go to Iraq. There's pretty much no way around it. My husband just got home from his second tour a couple months ago and now I'm pregnant with our first child. He's been in the Army 4 years and we've been apart more than 32 months of that, 25 of them in Iraq. It's just a fact of being in the military. It's scary and it's hard but in my experience once you get to understand the military some more and be around it more (like moving to an Army town, meeting other wives, etc) it gets a little easier. The hardest part for me was basic training because he is in this new world that you don't understand and all you can see is the Army stealing away your man. It gets easier as you get used to the way the Army works and start to understand it, because it really is a totally different world. The best thing you can do is support him and stay strong for your children when he is gone. Try to keep a normal routine and keep things as stable as possible for your daughter. Talk to her about Daddy a lot and let her talk to him on the phone when possible. I know its hard to stay strong but I've found that if you wake up every day and force yourself to have a good day it helps. Don't allow yourself to get caught in the cycle of bad, depressed days. There will be some bad ones but try to have the good ones outnumber the bad ones.

About having another child, that's really up to you. LOTS of women give birth with their husbands gone, it sucks but it happens. I used to always want to wait for everything until he was at home, but I finally realized that you can't put life on hold. If you both want another child, go for it. It's looking like our baby will only be 4 months old when he leaves for another year, which is obviously not the way I'd want it, but you have to take what you can. He'll probably be here for the birth, but not for most of the first year. The baby will be walking and talking when he gets home. Thats a lot to miss but it will be ok. I hope things get easier for you. If you have any questions about the Army and how things work or if you just need to talk feel free to IM me on Yahoo!

Answer 4

Didn't you guys think this through BEFORE he Joined? Did you think that he was 'special' and wouldn't have to Deploy? Sorry, but nobody forced his hand to sign on the line.....and if you have a television/radio or read the papers, you would know that there is that 99.99% chance he WOULD Deploy at some point.
What will you do when he Deploys? Well, you will either be strong and manage, or you will be one of those wives who has an affair or thinks of every little reason to have RD have your husband brought home....your kid is sick/you are sick/you can't cope being a single parent...the List goes on.
You can't prepare yourself mentally....there really is no way to do it. And nobody can tell you how, for what works for others may not for you. Besides, he isn't even gone yet and you are trying to figure a way to keep him back here....how? By thinking of getting pregnant....what in the world? Just because you get knocked up again, that does not mean he won't Deploy! MANY Soldiers have wives back home who are either pregnant or about to give birth and are missing it.......
Sorry, but with your thinking and LACK of support...I seriously see a Chapter in your Future....and I hope it happens. I sure as H**L don't want someone like your husband having MY DH's back while mine/others are Downrange....

Answer 5

Uh yeah, almost everyone in the army goes to Iraq. My husband went with the first group. Ya know when they were supposed to be greeted as liberators. (evil Rumsfeld) My husband was gone a year. Yes, mentally prepare for that. Most likely he will go. NO, don't get pregnant if you know he's going. That's an extra stress you won't need. Army is not always great about getting them back home to their wives for a baby. If he does get deployed you WILL need support. Keep in mind many marriages don't survive these long deployments. Mine nearly fell apart. We are very religious and hung in there by a thread but our marriage is recovering from the ordeal. So again, you can beat this by getting the proper support. Don't allow yourself to be depressed. Get counseling if there is the slightest hint you might get depressed. Keep close constant communication with your husband. (He will be mostly responsible for that) Don't emotionally depend or open up to any man that is not your husband; affairs always start with an innocent heart to heart.

I did have an affair, I was so lonely and depressed. Don''t let that happen to you. If you can stay with your parents for that year that would be good. Have good reliable girlfriends. Ok, enough preaching. Sorry. I'm very passionate about this.

Answer 6

It's the Army, if he gets deployed, especially to Iraq or Afghanistan, it will be for a year. I'm sure that your family will be just fine. Thousands have had to go what you've gone through, or worse--many dads never see their kids until they are several months to one year old. The military has a lot of support sturcture for dependents who stay home while the service member is deployed. Be active on the base (as active as you can with a baby). When you find out that he is getting deployed, try making video tapes of him reading a story to your child. You can play the videos every couple of days, and it will be at least one way that your child can stay in contact with his daughter.

Answer 7

You are alot stronger than you give yourself cerdit for. My husband got out of boot and left for iraq 4 days after he moved us me and 3 kids. My oldest was 5 and my twins were 19 months. I had no family here but you stay strong for you and your kids. It was 10 months before he came home for 2 weeks and went back on our oldest son bday. That was a 15 month deployment, He is going back next month for a year. Depending on where you are going as far as duty station, He will probably go there. As for having another baby that is up to you. I know i couldnt have another one without going bald from pulling my hair out. As far as thinking it over well he signed to join so make the best of it. I am so proud of my husband and i have enjoyed being military. There is a sence of pride being a army wife. Even though i have been a military wife since Sept, 03.

Answer 8

Wow! What a dilemma! I sympathize w/ you. I would not suggest another pregnancy, altho' I can understand why you would want to. I am sure there are several support groups out there that perhaps you could involve yourself in, to assist you w/ your situation. The military should have some kind of wive's/ girlfriends groups available for you to talk about your feelings/ fears w/ other persons going through similar problems. I wish you all the best, and will pray for protection and safe passage for your husband and you and yours. God Bless.

Answer 9

I been in 7 years...Its hard on families...Just gotta be strong and supportive of him and understand that he is also under alot of stress also. Its not easy raising a family as a private...As for Iraq its a 100 percent chance he will go sometimes. Im bout to go back for the 2nd time in 3 years. Out of a 4 year time frame I will have spent a little over 2 of it in Iraq...

Answer 10

You just deal with it. thousands of people before your husband have left friends and family behind as they deployed. Thousands more will deploy in the future.

As for having another child: can you afford it? are you willing to effectively be a single parent and pregnant at the same time? Are you willing to possibly give birth alone?

I have been doing this for 12 years. It never gets easier, but you do adjust the way you deal with the situation. You find out exactly how strong you are. you find out that you really can handle whatever life throws at you. You really CAN survive it.