What would you do?

Question

My daughter has a friend in her class at school who lives four houses away. He is constantly over, one day ringing my bell 6 times in 3 hours. Another problem is that his Mother has decided that I am her personal baby sitter. I really feel just by what the boy tells me that his mother sends him to my house to get him out of her way. Not only that, but twice now in two weeks she has put me in a situation where I have felt morally obligated to watch her son. One instance includes her not being home when he gets home from school, the other being he showed up on my doorstep saying his parents were going "somewhere he could not go". I want to tell her off, but I feel sorry for him because I know she is a bad parent. The other reason, is my daughter has a hard time making friends, he is her first friend. I don't want to jeopardize that. Any advice would be great.

I forgot to mention that I have never spoken to his mother because she speaks Spanish

Answer 1

Oh my...I would send him home when you say ur daughter can't play. Just because he can play doesn't mean she can. I have a similar situation where I live. That is what I do. I let them play for awhile but sometimes enough is enough. Yes, you aren't his babysitter. You just have to put ur foot down. Good Luck! I know where you are coming from!

Answer 2

Wow thats tough, I just dont understand some people. Well I think its one of those things you have to take day by day. Some situations are different from others. Let your daughter play with him, its nice to have a friend close by. How do you feel sending her to their house? If your worried then dont do it, but if you feel fine about it then send them to his house. Try to get the mom involved. Maybe all of you could go to the park or something. Then maybe she will start returning the favor. Some days just be honest. I know we have some kids that live close by that are always coming over to play. Sometimes we just tell them that we cant and they need to go home, not all the time but enough. Could you be honest with the mother? Its your call though. Also see if there is any other friends in the neighborhood. Then they could go over there and take turns at houses. I hope everything works out.

Answer 3

You never know what a neglected child might say so be careful before jumping to conclusions. He may be coming to you for help without knowing how to ask or may not understand what's going on at home. Is there a Dad around or an adult who might speak English that visits? Did it ever occur to you that the mom might not know what he is doing? Could the family be illegal? Asking a school counselor might work.

My child didn't make friends easily either and they seem to be vulnerable to other children in need. I know because I saw several kiddo's come around who were in bad need of love and understanding. Getting angry and "telling mom off" isn't the answer. If the situation continues you need to find help for this poor needy child. If it takes watching him for a little longer so be it. Contact the proper authorities if you have to, but think of the child first.

Answer 4

You have to set so boundaries.Talk to the mother and tell her that although you enjoy her son coming over to visit or to play you are not good for last minute babysitting. The next time she puts you in that situation tell her that you have plans that you can't change. If he shows up because their are going somewhere that he can't go tell him your sorry you guess that they won't be able to go. You must stick to your guns or the mother will continue to take advantage of you. Don't let your daughter friendship with this boy to allow others to use you. If you think that she is such a bad parent maybe she needs to be investigated.

Answer 5

Talk to her and find out the whole situation. I wouldn't say anything to the boy. Make it sound like a safety issue (which it is for her son). Anything could happen if hes not being watched properly. If things don't change, contact child and family services to make a private report.

Answer 6

Oh this is a fun question! You should start taking your daughter places when she wants you to watch her kid. When she continually has to look out for her own kid she will get the message. the idea of contacting the piolice and the school is a grand idea.

Also ask yourselef if you trust her enough to look after your child when she goes over there.

Answer 7

Just let his mother know in a polite manner how you feel, at the end of the conversation make sure you point out to her you don't want this to affect her son and your daughter's friendship.

Answer 8

You need to get numbers of relatives for the boy so if it happens again you can contact them. Also try talking to the school to see if they can help. If not you need to contact the police or CPS next time this happens, doesn't mean that you don't care for the child it means that you do and you want to protect him.

Answer 9

what i would do is just sit down with the mother and express my concerns with the way she handles certain situations withoutout trying to bash her in any way. Act more like a friend to her and maybe suggest how she should deal with these issues. remembering to always act as a concerned friend

Answer 10

i think that i would talk to the mom very nicely and ask her to call me and ask for permission before her son comes over to see maybe if i have something to do and i would call her to have him come over if my daughter wants him to come over, she is thinking about herself and using you as a free babysitter and it not right. you have to think about yourself. so i would talk to her and get some kind of system going to straighten stuff out. give it a try.