My best friend is getting married in October and they've done a website for there wedding, on one of those make your own wedding website, site.
I went to the Bridal registry, to see what they would like as a gift, but I honestly cannot afford what they've listed. They have several registries with several major department stores. Belk, Macy's, Crate & Barrel and Pottery Barn are all listed.
The items are really expensive things like a Kitchen aid Mixer that sells for $399 on Crate & Barrel, a $400 chandelier, a $799 dining room table, a Cottage Armoire that sells for over $1000 at Pottery Barn, and so much more, the list is endless.
I don't know what to do. I’m on a budget right now and I'm already in debt from university, and it's going to cost me a lot just to get to the wedding which is in Atlanta . . . I’m in Raleigh. I don't want to hurt there feelings by giving them something cheap, so does anyone know of any quality stores with "cheaper" / affordable items?
2006-09-13 14:45:53 · 38 answers · asked by Jessica - AKA - Carolina Girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Ahh, yes the greed factor has kicked in with this couple. When I got married, about twenty - five years ago now, there were no bridal registries, other than for the very, very rich. We had to work for the big ticket items, I did not get a Kitchen Aid Stand mixer until about four years ago. You are a college student, on a fixed budget and it is perfectly acceptable for you to give a gift card befitting your budget from one of their selected stores. You can also find quality items at places like TJ Maxx and Marshalls. Look for towels that will go with some of the other items that they have picked out. When people choose to pick a big life together, with all the material trappings, let us pray that they have a big life; without all the extras. This is what will truly make a marriage, not material belongings. I worked for Linens and Things for several years, and it was a great place; with many beautiful and expensive things. I cannot tell you how many couples had broken up either before or slightly after these multi megabuck weddings, and back would come thousands of dollars of product. The greatest gift you can give to your friend for her wedding is your presence. I don't remember all of the gifts that my husband and I were given, but I do remember every person who came and gave us their love and good wishes. Do up a gift basket with two wine flutes and a good bottle of wine with some candles and candle holders. I have given these types of gifts before and people love them. Do not worry about hurting their feelings, I am sure that the big ticket items are more something that immediate family members will be buying them. I send my best wishes to your friend, I hope they are one of the sucessful couples out there. Go and have a good time. Don't stress about the gift, if this woman is truly your friend, she will love anything you give her. Have a good night.
2006-09-13 15:08:27 · answer #1 · answered by Sue F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it was inappropriate of your friend to list only expensive items. You are supposed to list lots of various items to fit different people's financial situations - get some big stuff and some small stuff. She should have known better. When most people buy gifts or give a check at a wedding, it's usually around $100 to $200, unless the person is really really close.
You could get a gift card to any of these stores, or write her a check for an amount that you feel comfortable giving. If there are other friends in your situation, then you can all get together and buy a gift together, or get a big gift card together.
If you are her best friend, I also assume that you have spent lots of money planning her bridal shower. When my best friend got married, I didn't get a big gift because I had already spent lots of money on the bridal shower, so she understood.
If you have any doubts, give a gift card or a check. She can use it towards buying the items she wants. But I would not buy a gift that is not listed. I had a problem with people buying stuff off the registry - those items simply did not go with what I had in the house, so I plan to recycle those gifts in the future.
2006-09-14 03:02:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Two important things here:
1) Nothing says you have to buy items off the gift registry.
2) A gift is a GIFT and should under no circumstances be a financial burden to the giver.
You'll have to do some thinking outside the box, but you can certainly give them something wonderful within your price range. Is there a theme to what they like? Maybe you could use that as a starting point.
One specific thought as an example... Do they drink wine? A thought is to get them a bottle or two from the year they met. Or find a wine expert to help you pick out something that will age well that they can open on their 5 year anniversary.
2006-09-13 17:34:31 · answer #3 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should only gift according to your own budget and feelings for the couple. DO NOT be intimidated by her registry or feel like your gift has to "pass muster" somehow! A registry is a wish list only, and you are NOT obligated to shop from it.
It is actually tacky of her to have connected her wedding website to her gift registry. Miss Manners says that is NOT appropriate.
Either find a lower-priced item on one of her registries, or think up your own gift idea that you CAN afford. As an example, you can get several nice kitchen gadgets from Williams Sonoma or other simillar quality store for like $30 and have those shipped to her (never BRING a gift to the wedding and reception-- it should always be shipped to her home, either before or shortly after the wedding). Or consider shipping them some gourmet chocolates as a gift (scheduled to arrive after they return from the honeymoon). Something like that would be cute and affordable and perfectly OK. Please stop feeling bad!
I would not send money or a gift card. Those are very impersonal gifts. Choose something you think she/they will enjoy.
2006-09-13 16:29:38 · answer #4 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give her a check for a little money say 100, 150 dollars etc. Or get her similar gifts to her registry. Visit stores like Homegoods which sells name brand products at reduced prices or visit an outlet store. But if you still cant decide then just get a nice card and put a gift card to crate and barrel inside or a check. Let her know that if she goes back to crate and barrel AFTER her wedding and she brings her registry with her she gets 10% off anything on her list so she can add more stuff to the list later to get the discount.
2006-09-13 15:49:54 · answer #5 · answered by Educated 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In my years of experience--bridal registries are just that --registries for dreams. Your friends as many others do have listed all their "dreams", hoping that all their friends, like yourself, will go into unnecessary debt to fulfill their "dreams". Stop the madness--use that college education you just received and figure out something your friend "really" needs. Be realistic. The bubble will burst about a month after the wedding when your friends realize a marriage is real and is for L-I-F-E. They will need day-to-day items more than over priced items only the Trumps would use.
2006-09-13 15:03:29 · answer #6 · answered by zztoole 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know you feel like you "have" to do something on the list...but you dont. Many times that list is for family and others that will be buying gifts that are larger. It would have been nice if the bride at least put a few affordable items on the list though....
You really can get whatever you like... a nice picture frame engraved, wine glasses, a vase or maybe a gift certificate that they can use after all the excitement is over...etc. I am sure she will love anything you think of!
2006-09-13 14:57:24 · answer #7 · answered by my1215boo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
See if you can't locate the same items at lower cost places like value city, elder beerman, sometimes even walmart or kmart has some of the same stuff. also check ebay and other online sights. lots of stuff is there, you may run into something a lot cheaper. if you cant find anything, check with other friends attending the wedding, would someone be willing to go in on a gift with you....if youve exhausted all these options and others, then simply tell your friend....look i'd love to get you a gift but i cant afford it right now. is there something i can do for you. ie treat you to a manicure, masssage, take you to on a picnic....etc. if she is really your friend then she wont care at all she'll just be happy youre coming, and if she does care....find new friends because a real friend values you not your gifts.
2006-09-13 14:54:10 · answer #8 · answered by BeeBee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get them something similar to what they have on their list. Don't go broke trying to impress a friend by getting what's on the registry.
Whenever I buy a present for a wedding or baby shower I look at the registries as wish lists of what they would like, not what they will actually get from me.
People who sign up for registries need to take everyone else's budget in mind and shouldn't get upset if the person buys a cheaper version of what they want. They should be glad you showed up and gave them something.
2006-09-13 15:14:34 · answer #9 · answered by lady01love 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about buying them something less expensive than they registered for. They'd better have rich families or their new home is going to be completely bare! It was a trifle inconsiderate for them to only register for items that cost a fortune; most couples register for things that cost $20 all the way up to the hundreds. Just buy them whatever you feel is a good gift, even if they didn't register for it. Honestly, some of my favorite weddings gifts we received were surprises that people picked out on their own! If you don't want to get them something they didn't register for, just get them a gift card for one of their registry sites. They'll get more gift cards and money too, so then they can buy what they want.
2006-09-13 14:52:21 · answer #10 · answered by Jenny Alice 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋