My finace's parents are paying for the catering at the reception and rental of the space. We are paying for the flowers, photographer, dj, etc.... pretty much everything else. My father passed away a few years ago and my mother is in no way able to help out. Should I word the invitation as if his parents are hosting, or should I word it as if we, as a couple, are requesting our guests' attendance? I feel really bad not having my mother on the invites because she feels so awful about not being able to pay for everything, but she was injured and was on disability for a really long time. What a mess, huh?
I love his parents, but with us paying for a large chunk of everything I wonder if it's right to say that they are hosting.
Help!
2006-09-13 13:04:16 · 23 answers · asked by J B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Sorry, I have to add this. My parents were never married, so I can't put Mr. and Mrs. ..etc.. as well as his parents' names. It would become a big confusing mess. To top it off, my mother's best friend, who was like a father to me growing up, is giving me away and has mentioned that he is going to contribute some money. I can't put EVERYONE on the invited!
I just don't want to hurt his parents' feelings, either, by including my mom. Do you think that they would mind?
2006-09-13 13:10:02 · update #1
It's odd that someone posted that both sets of parents go on the invitation. Every single invitation I've seen (in magazines and catalogs) show the bride's parents only. Emily Post's book is great and all, but this is the 21st century and not everyone has a normal, nuclear family!
2006-09-13 15:53:57 · update #2
I am in a similar situation, we both have parents that are divorced and remarried and instead of leaving people out our invitations read "Together with their families Michelle and Nathan invite you to share in their celebration of marriage." Everyone is included and no one is pointed out for not helping or contributing
2006-09-13 13:14:12 · answer #1 · answered by rendezvouschik 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A lot of couples put all the parents' names on the invitation. Just don't exclude only your mother. It's okay too if you want to say "(you and your fiance) request the honor of your presence." Many independent couples do this because it seems silly to put mom and dad on the invitation after they've been living on their own for so many years. I don't think there's any need to feel bad about not putting the man who is giving you away on the invitation. It's not like taking out an ad in the newspaper--shelling out some money doesn't mean you'll get your name in!
2006-09-13 21:30:35 · answer #2 · answered by Jenny Alice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Paying does not necessarily mean hosting. Will your mother be helping with ANY of the hosting duties, even if she is not contributing financially? If so, then she can be considered part of the parental hosting "team".
The order is that moms go first and bride's parents go first, regardless of who contributes what. Your father should not appear, as he is deceased and cannot issue invitations or help host.
Ms. Jane Bridesmother
Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Groomsparents
request the pleasure of your company
etc
2006-09-13 23:41:45 · answer #3 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the purpose of having the parents' names as the inviters is NOT to let everyone know that they are paying, but to convey that the parents are proudly inviting everyone to witness the ceremony.
in fact, it would be rude to let everyone know anything about the money involved in it.
traditionally, the bride's family pays, but even when that's the case, both sets of parents' names go on the invitation.
since in your case, the groom's family is paying, the rule about the invitations does not change.
if everyone gets so petty or somehow feels less worthy because they didn't pay, then you start this marriage off with animosity and that isn't a good thing.
just get over the money thing, it's a "behind the scenes" issue that guests don't need to know about.
your mom just needs to accept their generousity and not feel guilty about it.
2006-09-13 20:22:03 · answer #4 · answered by anonymoususer987876 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok. How about:
Please join with their parents to celebrate the marriage of
Your Name & His Name
On Saturday, the 16th of September 2006 at 6 o'clock
at the so and so church/temple/country club
New York, New York
That way it doesn't sound like anyone in particular is hosting and everyone is included... (if you don't want to say "parents" you can always say "families"). Afterall, it's a party, a celebration, a time and place where a bunch of people are coming together for the 2 of you.
Again, best wishes!
2006-09-13 23:28:42 · answer #5 · answered by coco 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It seems like you're stressing over including everyone on the invitation, but throughout the wedding, you'll have many opportunities to feature people special to you. Could your mother have a particular place of honor, for instance, at the ceremony, or perhaps host something that you and she put together? There are lots of creative options possible here.
2006-09-13 20:13:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem with my invites, they were posted two weeks ago!
We are paying for the bulk of the wedding, but family members not necessarily parents (we consider them like parents) are also helping out. Our solution was we sent the invite as though we are hosting along with our "family" - no names mentioned.
"A fresh new day, and it's ours,
A day of Happy beginnings.
Bride
And
Groom
Along with their families would love the pleasure of the company of : guest
When we pledge our love as one at:"
Place and time . . .
Don't stress about it. People who know you well enough and respect you will understand your situation and why have you designed the invites the way you do. If people don't, then why have them there??
It's your time, enjoy it, be happy and best of luck.
2006-09-14 02:27:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either of the following wordings are appropriate
Mr. and Mrs. William Lewis Smith
Miss Virginia Lynn Baker
and the late Mr. Albert John Jones
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Barbara Ann Baker/Jones
and
Richard Dean Smith
Etc.
Or
Barbara Ann Baker/Jones
and
Richard Dean Smith
together with their parents
Mr. and Mrs. William Lewis Smith
Miss Virginia Lynn Baker
and the late Mr Albert John Jones
invite you to share in the joy
when they exchange marriage vows
etc.
2006-09-14 04:33:16 · answer #8 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
bottom line, this is your wedding. you can put what ever you want on your invitation. you can definitely put a special thanks some where on your program and that is that. where you have the order of the wedding march, that is where you would put moms best friend and such. and it is okay to put your parents name separately on the front of the invitation. if people really want to know what's up with the titles and why you didn't put mr. and mrs......, they can just ask. good luck and please do not stress. this day only happens once in a life time (a first wedding) it is going to be perfect in every one's eyes when it is all said and done.
peace
2006-09-13 20:32:35 · answer #9 · answered by Wonder Woman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you are fairly close with your soon to be inlaws, would you feel comfortable talking to them about it? If you explain your dilemma and tell them that you want to have yours and your fiancee's names on the invitation instead so that you don't hurt anyone's feelings, they may understand. You could tell them that you could put a personal thank you to both them & your mother in the program instead. Just let them know that you really appreciate all of their help & support, but that you don't want to make your mom feel any worse than she already does. Usually, most people understand and don't necessarily expect anything in return when they are giving a gift like that. Hope this helps. Good luck & Congratulations! :^)
2006-09-14 00:52:52 · answer #10 · answered by kiki 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋