i have tryed everything to get my almsot 5 year to listen.she will just scream and scream if i try to tell her no.she screams if i tell her its time to go to school.she will stomp her feet and cry.she has also started saying bad words and if i tell her not to say them she will get mad and say them more.she also has become very bossy with her friends.she will tell them what to do and what to play and where they can sit.she is out of control.i was thinking of taking her to a dr for kids with attention problems but i would never put her on medicine too many bad things i have heard about them.i just dont know what to do anymore.our family fightd all the time because of her and i am running out of options.anyone have any good ideas??please help!!!
2006-09-13 12:38:44 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You should definitely see the doctor for this problem. Don't go with what you hear. It's a rumor and you can only find out if you go for it, so go to a doctor before you regret it.
2006-09-13 12:42:02 · answer #1 · answered by Bebo 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all she is just trying to control her situation. That's what 4 year olds try to do...they want to see what they can do and if you can stop them.
First you have to realize it is her voice and she controls it...you cannot make her stop screaming. When she screams you could tell her she needs to do it in her room, that is the only place she is allowed to raise her voice...the same with cursing, send her to her room and let her know that you will not tolerate the use of those words in your house. Do not talk to her while she is in her room...let her scream all she wants, ignore it. If she runs out, pick her back up and put her back in...say nothing, just do it. You have to be consistint in this or it won't work. Pretty soon she is going to get the picture that it doesn't bother you and that she is not going to get any attention from it.
If she is doing it in public, tell her to stop and calmly remove her from the situation if she does not. Do not yell or act frustrated...that's what she wants.
It is going to be really hard to get her to stop, but it will work, give it time.
Good luck
2006-09-13 12:54:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh we've been there with our middle son, when he was young and our daughter, as she got older. However, I can tell you that you need to be FIRM, be consistent in your disciplining her and don't be afraid of her. I think a lot of parents want to be their kid's best friends, and have them love them, like them, want to be with them. However, that is truly what their friends are for and you need to be the Mom. Is there also any changes going on her life? Losses? Moving? It makes a difference to kids, depending upon the depth of the changes. Did she just start kindergarten too? That can also be a wonderful time but a stressful time and oh yeah, they learn some "bad words". Again, you set the pace, you set the rules. When our kids tried anything, we just let them know it wasn't accepted, they lost time with their friends, their bikes, whatever means a lot to her. That's what you want to do so that she'll stop and think before acting up and acting out. Is she getting some positive attention from you? Sometimes kids sense that we are all too busy and so they act up just for attention purposes!!! It is a hard job, hardest job in the world but you know what? When you are consistent, yet loving but firm, and you maintain this, they'll begin to grow up in a positive way. I also would say that we did end up having our middle son be evaluated for ADHD(and by the way, there are medications that aren't stimulant based anymore,like Strattera, and needs to be given only once a day)and also our daughter, as it turned out was Bipolar and ADD. This showed more and more as the years went on. So don't wait too long, get her evaluated, and that means go several times for testing by a good neurologist. I think too many people go to their pediatrician or general doc and just are given pills when your child hasn't truly been tested properly. Be patient, be loving, be consistent! Just also make sure you take time for yourself and go out with other family members, friends, without her! You need some time for YOU too! Good luck!
2006-09-13 12:53:14 · answer #3 · answered by Laurie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buy the nanny 911 book, that is a start, now the cussing, she must have got that from you, or your people, that has to stop, may be you should reward her when she does good, and when she does bad, you have to punish her. When you talk to her get down to her level. Tell her to stop being mean to her friends, to treat them nice, so they can treat her nice. Tell her that she does not have to scream or stomp to get your attention, and if she does it again, she will go in time out. be firm, and mean what you say.
2006-09-13 12:53:00 · answer #4 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are wise to ask for help. Please consider getting some counseling from someone who can help you with your parenting skills.
Overall, you need to brace yourself for a period of time where the behavior gets worse. Your first course of action has to be to make your word golden. If it comes from your mouth, it has to happen THE FIRST TIME. There are ways to do this, especially without physical force.
1. Choices: Brittany, do you want your batch warm or cold tonight? (When she is in control of making a decision, hopefully she'll forget that you've already decided that she IS taking a bath.) Do you want to go to bed with a story or without? Do you want to go to school dressed or undressed (I'm serious!)? Once she figures out that you will follow through, she will make smart choices. But be careful--only give her choices that you are willing to allow her, and you must separate your ego from her actions. So, if she does decide to go to school undressed, don't be ashamed and allow that to change your actions. Rest assured that you are doing her a favor.
2. Don't always spout off consequences--bide your time. When she says bad words, tell her you don't like that word. Then bite your tongue. This gives you time to think about a consequence, and whether or not it's appropriate. Don't blurt out some consequence that you can't or won't deliver on. That proves to her that she's in control.
3. Say, "Yes, later." If she asks for a cookie, use, "Yes, later." If she asks again in a minute, you can say "Yes" without being a liar. Or, you can say, "Yes, later," again and again. When you finally say "Yes," you have lived up to your word. Just don't forget to say "Yes" eventually.
4. Get the book "Love and Logic." Use it.
5. Just be assertive. When she's mean and rude, say, "I don't like being around you right now," or, "That behavior is not welcome in this room; you need to leave."
6. Let other kids handle her. Kids have a knack for being really honest. If she's pushy and bossy, they eventually won't play with her.
7. Instead of mad, get sad. Anger and sadness are based on the same chemicals in the brain. So when you feel anger, slow down, and tell yourself it's sadness instead. Then tell her how sad her actions make you. "Brittany, I get so sad when you are rude, because I don't want to play with you." "Brittany, I am so sad to see you make bad choices because your friends are mad at you now." "Brittany, I'm so sad that you were rude to Grandma, because now you don't get to go to the movie with her." Eventually, your sadness will pierce her little heart like a knife, as opposed to anger, which she would simply deflect back at you.
The most important thing you must do is get your family and support network (grandparents, babysitters, etc.) to work with you and use the same techniques. Another rule of thumb is when you change your parenting, allow one month per year of age for her to change. She will test and test and test you--and you have to be ready for a lengthy test.
But, get help--it's not shameful--it will make you a fabulous parent!
2006-09-13 12:59:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
have her checked out and if she needs to take medicine give it to her. you are not helping her by not giving her medicine. i had the same thoughts when i was told my son needed medicine but now my son has a good group of freinds at school and is doing a lot better with his school work before he started his medicine nobody wanted to play with him as he was just out of control do her a favor and get her checked out. dont just listen to what you hear. with out her medicine if she needs it she will never get any better.
2006-09-13 13:00:01 · answer #6 · answered by hurts so good 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
call supernanny, or nanny 911...
or, try their techniques, put her in time out.
when she does something you dont like, you warn her, get down to her level, sternly tell her if she does it again, she will be in time out.
then, if she does it again, put her into time out. one minute for each year of her age
but, you gotta get her under control now, it will only get worse as she gets older
2006-09-13 12:42:55 · answer #7 · answered by helpful mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋