I homeschool my daughter. I love working with her but there are days she fights me?

Question

We've been homeschooling now for three years. My daughter knows the schedule and what her work load is going to be. She is involved with other homeschoolers, as well as with her neighborhood friends. But recently she has been extremely resistant to doing the work. She argues with me, sits there and doodles rather then work and then, when she gets extra work or it takes time away from the "fun" stuff, she is furious. I know it comes with the adolescent territory, but I could use some advice on how I can keep my cool as well as my desire to teach at home!

You all made some good points. My daughter is home schooled because she was the victim of racial attacks by several of her school mates (she was the only white child in her class) and because the school system refused to accomodate her processing disorder/learning disorders. We have a very open relationship. My daughter has a say in developing parts of the curriculum, takes part in a theatre group, plays drums, an art class, tae kwan do among other things. She knows if she wants to return to a school., all she needs to do is ask. We have even begun looking at moving to another school district so she could go to a better public school. She just has started to refuse to do her work and adamantly refuses to return to any school. Academically, she is excelling in all areas but math, where her processing disorder really makes it tough. I do switch off on a fairly regular basis with other Moms, as well as get some "me" time every so often. I think it is just tough...

Answer 1

Since you've been homeschooling for three years, I'm going to assume you have a handle on how to proceed through your day.
Is your daughter a teenager by chance? Oy vey, do I feel your pain, LOL
My daughter and I struggle, mainly because we are just alike, but part of the problem in the past has been the type of curriculum. I got caught up in the living book, notebooking thing (nothing wrong with that at all, I'm not bashing, ok?) but it was not for us. I switched to Lifepacs and she is much better.
Big turning point this year was getting involved in a teaching co-op. We have always butted heads over math. She is advanced, working Saxon one grade level ahead and at double time (finishing a 40 wks course in 20-24 wks) She works independantly, but if she had a problem she expected me to pull the answer out of thin air. When I had to look at the page to see what she was working on and familiarize myself with the material, she hated it. UGH!
So, she is now "taking" math at a teaching co-op, along with Biology. She does 90% of the work at home, but she gets the explanations at the co-op, plus the labs.
happy little clam now, she is (my inner Yoda coming out, LOL)
another thing I do with her is meetings. We sit down and talk about behavior, attitude, things like that. I tell her as a highschooler, she will be gaining more and more independence, but if she continues to make poor choices, there will be consequences.
It's tough I know, and there are no clear cut answers. Could be she does need something like a co-op to break things up a bit. Could be she needs you to re-establish boundaries. Could be she doesn't like the curriculum. Could be she's trying on her "moody teenager" hat.
Hang in there, dear! It will get better. It always gets better.
Kinda like a rollercoaster, isn't it?
Oh, one thing I'm doing differently this year is taking time for myself. I have it placed right on our calendar, MOM TIME. I also have a date night with my husband.
For some weird reason it seems to help my kids see me have something in my life that does not involve them at all.
It also allows me the time to step back and BREATHE!
hang in there

Answer 2

You don't say how old she is, just that she's an adolescent. A 13yo is different from a 16yo. It'd be helpful if you could add that.

My general suggestion is this:

When she starts resisting, say something like, "You seem to not enjoy this." See what she says. Talk about what's going on. She may be finding the schedule you've decided upon too restricting. She may be finding some things too hard. Put some more of the decision-making into her hands. If she's really resistant to the schedule, ask her to write up what she thinks would be an ideal schedule for her to get all her work done.
Also, has she hit menstruation? Are these resistant times tied to her menstrual cycle? If so, talk to a pharmacist about suitable medications like Midol or Pamprin that can help with mood issues.

What it boils down to is that you can't really know what the best course to take would be unless you figure out what's at the root of the issue.

Answer 3

Did you ever stop to think that maybe this isn't all about you and what you want? Maybe the kid would like to try something she wants to do for once.
I have a daughter who is 17, and a very nice girl. She is valedictorian of her class in a public school where I teach chemistry and physics. We don't fight. She doesn't drink, party, and is a virgin. We communicate. Within bounds, she has some choices. She rarely pouts, argues, etc. Maybe........you need to let up on the control freak button and learn to talk to her and maybe listen to her. I bet it would work.

Answer 4

Ok look when i was young i was homeschooled from first to sixth grade and everyday i would get mad at my dad because i was trapped all day inside the house being homeschooled and then i told my mom that i wanted to go to public school because i felt like a poor dog trapped inside of a cage and also i the work in homeschool was extremely hard for me and also i since i was a lonely child i said i wanted to have friends so my mom finally said i should go to public school and be normal and besides i finally had friends ! yay :) so i think you should put your daughter in public school so she won't be all cooped inside all day and besides she will have lots and lots of friends im sure so that is all i have to say bye :)

Answer 5

obviously, your child is talking to her friends who are sent ot public school and she probably feels as though she is missing out on a lot because she is home-schooled.

why do you NOT want her in public school? I know why I wouldn't want my child in PS (public school), but do you have the same reasons?

what were the results of her being in PS? Is she more ahead now that she is home-schooled?

do you have any idea what she wants to do with her life? (What does she want to be?) ask her. ask her what her goals are. see what she tells you. tell her you want to help her accomplish her goals.

if all else fails, YOU'RE the PARENT. tell her there will BE NO MORE FUN if she continues to retaliate. tell her that she should feel priveleged to be able to socialize with kids her own age. most parents are VERY overprotective. glad you are open about this. she needs to understand that home-schooling is not as bad as she is making it out to be.

***have you ever thought that perhaps she might be interested in school activities such as being in UIL programs, Cheerleading, or other clubs? maybe she feels resentful because she is unable to participate???

find out. talk to her. see what she says.

maybe talk to parents of these other kids. see if THEIR kids have said anything about your daughter to them???

good luck

Answer 6

Perhaps she needs some outside social activity away from you. She may be getting too much one on one. Get her into Sunday school, or community classes at college or after school activities at the regular school.

Answer 7

talk to her, it was your choice not hers, she is now old enough to make her own choices. Do you make her feel guilty by spending a lot of your time with her? Perhaps you need a break from each other, Is it possible to swap with another homeschooling mum for a short time?

Answer 8

don't just stand there and say, open your book to pg. 19 and read the paragraph then discuss and write notes. don't do that stuff. make it fun (but not too fun) like every time she pays attention and does well, let her have somthing.. well not really sugary candy, just a cool little prize thing

Answer 9

Sounds more like parental rebellion.
It's hard to be both teacher and parent.

Try to separate the two.
Maybe shorter and more frequent sessions?

Answer 10

mayb she doesnt want to get homeschooled anymore. ask her if she wants to do it or go to public school.

just ask her.