been married 10yrs to my husband and he has raised my 2 daughters since they were 1 and 3yrs old.Recently my oldest daughter came to live with us because of problems with the step-mom and real father.all went well until my daughter and my husband started not to get along!!i am in the middle ,what should i do??i havent seen my oldest daughter in atleast 5 or 6 yrs. because of an ongoing problem with her real dad!!one more thing to add,my x-husband has shown little or no interest in his 2 daughters that live with me and my husband!!!my husband has been there for my girls ever since we met!!and they love him as their real dad!!!!
2006-09-13 10:42:41 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Depends on why they aren't getting along. It sounds like she just doesn't respect authority and wouldn't get along with your husband no matter who he is. If that's the case, she needs to learn that he's there to stay and that she needs to respect him and at least attempt to get along with him for the sake of the family, whether she personally likes him or not. She can't always be running away from her problems, jumping from home to home, either. If she gives him a chance, she just might find that he's a great dad. Your husband also needs to be making an attempt to bond with your daughter. You should sit them both down together, let the take turns voicing their issues with each other, and then tell them that no one's going anywhere so they're just going to have to work out those issues together. Make sure they do things together so they don't just start ignoring each other, like going to the store together or have your husband take her to events that interest your daughter for forced one-on-one time. Then, as long as we're only talking about petty disagreements and headbutting, just step aside when they clash and let them work it out between the two of them. In otherwords, don't let them make you choose.
2006-09-13 11:14:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you should consider counseling. Your daugher is probably having a rough time with things. She has to deal with moving from her home, dealing with her step mom, adjusting to life with you and her step-dad. She's probably resenting the fact that your husband is disciplining her. She might think that because he's not her real dad, she doesn't have to listen to him. Same with her step-mom. You shouldn't have to choose between your daughter or your husband. She's your daughter and should be the most important thing in your life but at the same time she should also understand that she can't manipulate you into choosing her. You need to learn new ways to deal with problems without creating tension between everyone. Good luck, I hope you all can work things out.
2006-09-13 11:00:26 · answer #2 · answered by Lucy_Fir 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the older daughter that just moved back in with you needs counseling if she isn't in it already...she is obvioulsy hurting and lashing out at your husband. Which is the same thing she was doing when living with her father.
If she is in counseling. Change the counselor immediately...whoever she is with, isn't doing the job. Make sure you get actively involved with the counseling and don't just drop her off and pick her up.
Sit down with your husband and ask him to be patient with her, she is dealing with some very adult emoptions and situations as a young child, and right now needs all the love she can get. I'm sure your husband will understand.
As far as your ex huband - he shouldn't have to take any interest in your new husband...that is your life not his. And if he chooses to allow your husband of 10 years to take on the father role, then just let that be the way it is...your kids will be happier if a biologial parent who is apathetic is not pushed on them...when they have a loving step dad to take over.
2006-09-13 10:50:40 · answer #3 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you shouldnt have to chose.
well coming from a 21 yr old, i would have to say its probably the daughters fault that they arent getting along. ( if she is a teen? many teens go through a "attitude, i know everything" phase) i could be wrong. maybe there is added jealousy and the husband doesnt like it? maybe he feels like he has to compete for your attention now that the daughter you havent seen for years is home now. was she the cause of the problems before she left her old house? just talk with her and explain to her how YOU feel. tell her to step into your shoes, or explain to her that you love your husband, and you love her, and you feel torn between. maybe have a "family meeting" to discuss their problems or differences. whatever you do don't take sides b/c that might fuel the fire. see where everyone is coming from and then react from there. hope this helps good luck.
2006-09-13 10:48:45 · answer #4 · answered by sx_rx_rocknroll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your second husband is an amazing person to raise two girls and think of them as his own. As far as I can see, he is their father!
But maybe this is what bothering the eldest who has come to live with you now. You don't mention how old your daughters all are, so it's kind of hard to really assess the problem. Is your eldest pre-teens or teens? It may be jealousy, or lack of trust, or some type of feeling along these lines that she's feeling and the target of her negativity and insecurities is your husband.
Maybe she's not used to having a loving father or a loving home. Who knows what she experienced at the other house. Maybe she is experiencing feeling of jealousy because of the relationship your husband has with her sisters. She might feel she missed out or she might feel that it's too late for her to have a relationship like that with him.
Talk to her and find out what her underlying feelings are. No fighting or pointing fingers. No one needs that. Find out how she feels about living with you guys, how she feels about her sisters and your husband. When the negative feelings come up, ask her what you guys can do to help her get over them or resolve them.
She may be feeling negative emotions and not know how to express herself. Maybe this is why they are not getting along. Help her open up and express her feelings. They are her feelings and she has every right to feel them. But you guys can be there to help her overcome them.
But this won't happen all overnight. She is in a new environment now and, in a sense, a new family. These are big changes for someone her age. She just may not know how to express her insecurities and may think that the trust isn't there for her to share her feelings.
Just act on it soon so that walls don't build up.
2006-09-13 10:55:06 · answer #5 · answered by monkiegirl37 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT get in the middle, no matter who you think is right or wrong. We all make mistakes as parents and it is up to your now husband to be the dad to them he has always been. Parents encroaching on the other parent breaks up marriages. Your husband comes first. If he asks you in private what you think , then answer him in private, but DO NOT bring your disagreement in front of the children. Don't forget you said that they love him as their real dad, so let him keep that relationship by letting him be real with them.
2006-09-13 10:59:10 · answer #6 · answered by To Be 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Husband (step-dad) or daughter???
2014-12-12 23:05:31 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
COUNSELING !! this happens alot either way if you make the decision it will be wrong you need someone from the outside to help work out the problems and to help everyone see the situation in a different light... good luck this happened in my family as well my kids were younger but we were all in counseling for 2 years and it paid off .. things aren't perfect but so much better
2006-09-13 10:46:51 · answer #8 · answered by Muy Buena 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you need to sit with them seperately and ask each of them what the problem is. then once you know exactly what the problem is from both sides then you need to sit with them together and have a heart to heart talk. chances are the problem is coming from the daughter. maybe you should plan a mom and daughter day for just the 2 of you so that she feel's that you love her and is not getting the bad end of the deal. best of luck to you and i hope you are able to work this out
2006-09-13 10:49:33 · answer #9 · answered by storm_magus3 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He has already proved himself to be a good man. Your daughter couldn't get along with real dad and step mom, now she cant get along with step dad. What does that tell you?
2006-09-13 10:47:14 · answer #10 · answered by noname 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋