I had been dating my ex for 17 months. We were really close and had discussed getting married and having a family. Then he began to grow a little distant. When I confronted him, he said he would put together his thoughts in a letter and get back to me. Well, he wrote down why he had been backing away (he didn't think I liked being with his family- not true, and he thought that since I converted from being a Baptist to being Lutheran- which is his religion, that I would never be happy with that decision). So he decided to break up with me. Then he came to me and wanted to be friends. We've talked a lot and discussed a lot of the issues and then he commented about how we are going to do stuff together kind of on a trial period to see if we can work things out. We've been broke up for 3 weeks now and nothings changed. I live by myself and I work for his parents, so it's kind of awkward. I don't know if I should continue to wait for him to decide or decide for him. I want to be with him.
2006-09-13 10:32:03 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Well those two reasons that he mentioned to you for him breaking things off don't sound valid. They sound like 'concerns', but I think there's more to it than that. More than what he's telling you. Next on my agenda is that I think taking 'breaks' and things like it, which it sounds like you two were doing and kind of still are, NEVER WORK. They're not good for a relationship unless you're trying to end the relationship. So while I don't want you to go do anything hasty, I think you'd be best off either forgetting about him or telling him "Let's either get back together and see how it all works out or let's just separate for good." That's what 'I' would do, but it could backfire. Not so much backfire in my opinion, but speed up the final break up as you two doing this whole trial separation and trial get back together stuff really won't get either of you anywhere except comfortable with the final break up when it does happen.
2006-09-13 10:37:07 · answer #1 · answered by Olivia B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This may sound harsh, but it doesn't seem like this man loves you enough to trust that you are big girl enough to make your own decisions about what makes you happy and what you can live with. Don't allow him to jerk you around like this. There are plenty of men out there that aren't so wishy washy and can make you very happy.
He sounds immature. He is making excuses and putting them all on YOU, blaming you for why he doesn't want to marry you. This is childish and ridiculous. Let this one go. If he was a real man (which is important in a husband) then he would be up front with you about everything and not be trying to string you along now that he feels lonely. Have more faith and self-respect in yourself! There are better fish in the sea who will treat you better and will be able to make adult decisions. They're hard to find, but they're out there. You just have to be willing to hold out for what you deserve: an awesome guy!
Good luck with your decision. Be good to yourself!
I would go and find work for another company, too, if I were you. It will get very awkward for you.
2006-09-13 10:41:10 · answer #2 · answered by J B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him this: that after 1 year and 1/2, if one of u, or both of u, are unsure about MARRIAGE, then it's over. u have to break it off.
since u said it is 17 months. and now another 3 weeks..that's almost 18 months. tell him, if he doesn't know in 1 week if he wants YOU or not, it's over.
and it's not about pressuring him, it's about doing what's best for both of u. u don't want to be w/ him 1 year, 2 years, 3 years, and he is not sure. obvoiusly he has problems with you (the lutheran thing, the family thing). if he doesn't want to give u a chance, and let u in, and let you change, and see if u can work it out, then he's not good enough for you!! he has to trust that u are worth it, that u will try to work things out w/ his family, etc etc. instead, he's ignoring u, not even giving u the chance to show him! that sucks. i want to marry someone who WANTS to be w/ me. who can't wait to marry me , and only me. i deserve that. so i will wait for that....and w/ my current boyfriend, it's been 9 mo...he tried to bring up marriage (right after this huge fight we had), and i told him straight up not to mention marriage until 1 and 1/2 year mark. if we are strong in our relationship and want to marry eachother by then, then that's it (even if we Don't get married til later, at least we're giving eachother a commitment). but if one of us is unsure, we have to break it off, to give each other a chance to be happy w/ someone else, and not using each other, not depending on one person's honesty and commitment, but taking advantage of the other if one is unsure.
good luck, and be strong. if u make sure u are a wonderful, caring, loving, trustworthy Woman, than u deserve a wonderful, caring, loving, trustworthy Man. that's it, cut and dry. if he is not it, find someone else
2006-09-13 10:56:57 · answer #3 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need a new man and a new job--or at least to get away from the old ones. He is making up stuff for you--nobody gets distant and contemplates ending a relationship because you convert to their religion and might not like their family. Especially after you said you do (which I assume you did) and fer cryin out loud, you work for them! This is a ruse because he is not man enough to tell you he wants out. Decide for him and leave.
2006-09-13 10:42:05 · answer #4 · answered by julz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you waiting around for him to make such an important decision about your life? If he truly wants to be with you he would know instantly. He is your ex, come on that says it all. It sounds like he has called all the shots when it comes to your relationship. Do you really want to be with someone that puts you on the back burner and leaves you hanging? Your time is valuable and it sounds like he has wasted enough of it. Best of luck.
2006-09-13 10:40:09 · answer #5 · answered by Peace2All 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe so, but he doesn't want to be with you. This is not how someone who is in love with you acts.
My guess is that his parents have something to do with this. The whole religion thing sounds like something a parent would say, not a young man.
Find a new job, occupy your time with something useful and in a few months start dating again. Don't contact him, or allow him to contact you.
2006-09-13 14:12:28 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He lost his attraction to you, and his level of love has probably somewhat dissapeared. Happens all the time, I would consider just moving on. Do the N/C thing and if he comes around later, set some rules for him like he needs to make up his mind or your are moving on. Once/if you take control back, he may be chasing you around again.
BTW, the excuses used as to why he was breaking up are bunk! He just fears telling you the truth.
:)
2006-09-13 10:44:06 · answer #7 · answered by darwinlambeth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand, I still have my engagement ring its currently on my chain around my neck. Its very hard, Mine wanted me to convert from Christian to Strict Catholic. I ended up saying yes, but then he had another excuse. My mother who has been married to my father for 51 years gave me some very good advice. An "ex" is an "ex" for a reason. She was right. I still love him very very much. I have a beautiful little girl and she is my gift that he left me with. He left four and a half years ago and promised to come back. I havent' seen him since. Be strong, I still wear his ring around my neck yes, BUT, I made a decision, that I was given a gift from God my daughter, and whether he did or did not return I WOULD SURVIVE. Many days/nights are lonely, but I just pray. Its been four and a half years. Sometimes, friends is better and time ...wonderful time will let you know whether or not it is meant to be. For today, embrace it. Love your life. Love who you are. and know deep down that there IS someone but if your still in the past with the "ex" that special someone can't come to you yet.
Many blessings to you..
I know....you love him....I still love mine too.
hugs
2006-09-13 10:41:23 · answer #8 · answered by Cinderella 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she fairly loves then you definately i might want to assert a million month and he or she will be in a position to for then realize how a lot she appreciates you and that she will be in a position to't be without you in her existence. She both under no circumstances loved you or she consistently will. lately human beings throw the word 'love' round like it capacity not something, its stressful. I want you the finest of success and that i desire all is going nicely for you. :)
2016-11-26 21:53:29 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did say ex right. He already made up his mind when he asked for you to be friends it's up to you now to fully accept it (you're already calling him your ex so not even you expect to get back together with him).
He also just made up a lame list to get you off his back about why he left.
Sweetie move on he ain't coming back.
2006-09-14 10:26:08 · answer #10 · answered by solgiver 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋