which side should i take when it comes to my spouse or my kids???
2006-09-13 10:24:02 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
... You are an adult right? So act like one. You and your husband both set the rules and both enforce them when appropriate. It's not about taking sides. It's about you doing what 'should' be done.
2006-09-13 10:26:13 · answer #1 · answered by Olivia B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In front of your kids, you should definitely side with your husband. Spouses should never undermine each other or kids quickly learn that they can get anything they want by just going to the proper parent, and it also teaches them that to hate the one who's the hard-nose and to not respect the one who's the push-over.
That said, if you think your husband has crossed the line, take him aside (out of earshot of the kids) and explain to him why he may have gone overboard. If he disagrees, then you're stuck. If he agrees with you, let him be the one to tell the kids he's "changed his mind," or if you break it to them, make sure you tell the kids that you and your husband talked it over together and decided that what ever was OK as long as whatever limitations you put on the activity are obeyed. That way no one loses face.
If you take issue over your husband making all the rules, you should talk to him about it, especially if he's made rules you don't like. If there's no problem with the rules he has made, there's no reason you can't add rules you want to add, and there shouldn't be a problem with you making exceptions to rules when you feel like it as long as you give the go-ahead before the kids break them and it's not a regular thing (if you're always changing one rule, then perhaps it's time that particular rule just goes bye-bye).
2006-09-13 17:58:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off neither you nor your husband should make all the rules pertaining to children on your own, parenting is a 50/50 deal and a mother has just as much right to make choices as the father and if they can't agree that is where compromise comes in. If your children grow up seeing dad control everything then they are going to think that is the way it is suppose to be and if you have girls are more likely to marry a controling man. Second it shouldn't be a matter of choosing sides but doing what is right. If the rule is one you agree with then agree with your husband if it is one you don't then tell him as much in private. Don't let the kids see you confronting dad as this will make them think they can use you as a weapon, if however your husband does something to a child you feel is unfair then by all means speak up.
2006-09-13 17:39:14 · answer #3 · answered by Martha S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rules should be set and agreed upon by BOTH parents. There should be no "sides" when it comes to house hold rules. My husband and I have a rule between the two of us...If I am disciplining our girls he stays out of it unless I ask for his help or back up. And if HE is dealing with them I stay out of it. We also have always followed the rule that if they ask him something and he says NO then they are NOT to ask me too. And visa-verse. No means no whoever says it. Kids need rules and structure to feel safe, secure and learn how to behave in the world. They learn from example as well as following rules. You should NEVER side against your partner. If you don't agree with what is going on because tempers are too high or someone is just out of control call a time-out, send them to opposite ends of the house, let everyone calm down, THEN talk to your partner and come up with a great solution then discuss and follow-thru with the kids. This teaches your kids more than you'll ever know!! GOOD LUCK!!
2006-09-13 17:37:26 · answer #4 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids make mistakes,but when they do it on purpose,they need boundries.You can't just take sides,it's about that like who u love most,it's about what is right 2 form them in2 good people,let them have fun,give them space,but gove them responsibilities and give them rules.If they break the rules 2 tyimes,take a toy away 4 a day or stuff like that.But if they r over the age of 11,ground them 4 like 3 days,depending on the importance of the rule
2006-09-13 17:30:50 · answer #5 · answered by chocolate tea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to set the rules together with your husband. If he sets all the rules he's putting you equal with the kids and that's not a partnership. or love either
2006-09-13 18:09:02 · answer #6 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should take the side that is right at the time. But, it's YOUR house, too, and you have just as much right to set rules as he does.
2006-09-13 17:26:32 · answer #7 · answered by kj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if the rules are clearly set and the kids broke the house rules then there is going to be consequences. Its not about whose side you take. They did wrong they should know the consequences.
2006-09-13 17:26:47 · answer #8 · answered by ~carmie~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The man is the head of the house so you should obey your husband and never question his authority.
2006-09-13 17:27:34 · answer #9 · answered by sandstorm222 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you side with the one you feel is right at the time.
sometimes hubby is not always right and you need to be able to see this.
2006-09-13 17:44:01 · answer #10 · answered by Forever Looking 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋