i was sexually intimate with this guy for about 9 months on and off. when we first met he made it clear that we are just friends who occasionally sleep together and see other people. i found that to be honest and refreshing and agreed to it. now recently he found out that i started seeing someone else through a friend of his. he confronted me about it and i said "yes i am". he said he didn't care about the fact that i'm seeing other people but that i didn't tell him about it first. so he said that we can no longer sleep together but can remain friends. i explained to him that i wasn't sleeping with anyone but him but he said it didn't matter, that when i get rid of the other guy then maybe we can resume our intimacy. i didn't find this to be fair of him to ask of me because it was his idea to just have occasional sex and be friends with no strings attached. he is not the kind of guy i would chose as a serious boyfriend, but a great listener and lover and i'd hate to loss that
2006-09-13 09:19:09 · 52 answers · asked by non-curious 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's your life and you should do what you think (not feel) is morally correct, and will best fulfil your life.
The sex was, and should continue to be consented to by ALL participating adults (be it two, three or how ever many there are). Not informing him, meant that he was not also informed of risks of catching an infection from your new "someone else" via you. From his point of view, you are acting selfishly by choosing not to inform him. From your point of view, he is acting selfishly by choosing to apply restrictions that you had no prior agreement to.
In every relationship between two adults, there are lots of unspoken expectations, and it is these that usually destroy a relationship should those expectations continue to be unspoken. It is important that BOTH adults discuss such topics openly, honestly and as soon as possible. The discussion about having another relationship outside of your casual sexual relationship has been procrastinated upon, and now both of you are bearing the consequences.
At this point in your life, the phrase "you can't have your cake and eat it too" takes on a very personal meaning. You must decide based on what you know to be morally correct. It is time for you to discover your own "moral compass".
You should decide, then do what you think (not feel) is morally correct, and will best fulfil your life.
2006-09-13 22:23:01 · answer #1 · answered by Jeff C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure why you would not consider someone who is a great listener and lover as a boyfriend. Those are two great qualities in a person that are very hard to find. But to your original question, it is neither right or wrong as long as you both agree. He doesn't seem to want to continue being intimate with you if you're seeing someone else. So the decision has been made.
My gut feeling is he wants more from your relationship than he is willing to admit, and you're still looking from something better. As I said before, good listener and lover? Two great qualities. You may want to think about what is missing that doesn't make him the one.
2006-09-13 09:25:15 · answer #2 · answered by mb3698 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right or wrong?
Doesn't matter, either way, I think it becomes a sticky situation because I think it's hard to sleep with someone without having feelings for them.
I also think it's hard to think about sleeping with someone when you know they are sleeping with someone else, which is why he probably reacted that way.
I guarantee if you truly have the casual sex agreement without strings he'll be back. But what do you want?
If you want a friendship, and he is saying he'll give you that without intimacy what's the problem? And if you want a friendship AND intimacy isn't that a relationship?
2006-09-13 09:29:50 · answer #3 · answered by Court111 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether or not it's right is up to the two of you to decide. If you can handle the situation with out the connection and intimacy than its fine. But have you ever stopped to think that maybe he's changing his mind because he realizes that he wants something more than just sex from you. Just a thought but maybe you should look into it.
2006-09-13 09:23:03 · answer #4 · answered by Lilly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is WRONG
How can you sit there and say that you are just friends when you are sleeping together that is more than friends.
If you have a boyfriend and are sleeping with this guy then technically you are cheating on your boyfriend so you need to decide if you want a boyfriend or a sex partner.
2006-09-13 09:26:53 · answer #5 · answered by butterflybaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, seeing as how this guy said friends with benifits only, and then said no benifits, and because of the fact that you arent interested in him other than sexually. I wouldnt worry about it. He might say this because he is worried about getting in the way of the new relationship. either that or he wants you and other women. Dont sleep with him anymore and continue to be friends with him, and continue to date who you want. If he is really a good friend he wont leave you just because you stopped having sex with him, and if he does then you didnt need him anyways.
2006-09-13 09:26:15 · answer #6 · answered by Rae 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the fact that you are seeing one of his friends could possibly be the key. What if he dated one of your friends, and you two were still being intimate. The situation could possibly bring friction between you and your friend, possibly among the three of you. There's nothing wrong with you two having casual intimacy, but if you two decide to date a friend of one another, it seems best to halt the activity, simply for that reason.
2006-09-13 11:40:52 · answer #7 · answered by L Jeezy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys should get together and discuss what rules are fair for both of you. It sounds like he's calling the shots and you have little or no input. I would be right upfront and let him know that you enjoy his company and want to maintain your friendship, but giving ultimatums are not an effective way to communicate in any type of relationship.
2006-09-13 09:25:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i've had this no-strings relationship with a girl before. hey, everybody wins. i think he's just respecting the fact that you're seeing someone now and doesn't want to get involved in it. i say to focus you attention on the guy your currently seeing and if you break it off sometime then resume you no-strings relationship again. nothing wrong with having a f*ck buddy.
2006-09-13 09:22:28 · answer #9 · answered by pimpjoooce 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If either are you are dating someone you should stop sleeping together so you're not cheating on your bf/gf. Just be friends for now and pick up where you left off when you are both single again. If you can't handle that emotionally then it is wrong.
2006-09-13 09:23:14 · answer #10 · answered by grudgrime 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋