Open adoption?

Question

My birthdaughter just turned 13 and I'm wondering how to communicate without seeming overbearing to her adoptive parents. Anyone in a similar situation or know what to do?

Answer 1

you sound like you have your heart in the right place already! Be honest, approach them with what is on your heart and give them plenty of time to decide on what action they want to take. It will pan out in the end

i wish you best of luck!

Answer 2

I'm adopted. I know when I was a teen that I was so curious about my birth parents. If your daughter knows she's adopted she's probably very curious too. I'm not really sure from your question if you already have an open adoption or are trying to establish one now. All you can do is contact her parents and ask them what they want to do. I understand it's hard for you, but know that it's also hard for them. They are probably afraid she will develop a bond with you that surpasses theirs. I found my birth mother a few years ago, and it was such a surprise, and it's been wonderful. The only thing is that my Mom, the one I call Mom is the one who raised me, just doesn't want to hear or think about it. Just be sensitive to everyone's feelings and try not to let yours get hurt if there is anger from the parents or your birth daughter. Good Luck, I hope you get a chance to know your birth daughter. Just expect to have more of a friend type relationship with her rather than a mother/daughter one.

Answer 3

Open adoptions - I dont know that much about them.
I would seek legal counsel before I attempted to contact her. Make sure you have all the papaer work from the adoption so that you can allow the attorney to look over it, make sure you see an attorney who specializes in adoptions, he or she would know better how to handle your concerns and questions. If you get the go ahead from your attorney, contact the adoptive parents and see how it goes from there. From what I understand, correct me if I am wrong an open adoption give the birth parents the right to have contact with their child, even after adoption. Keep in mind though if her adoptive parents have told her about you there may be questions as to who you are, why your coming to see her now, why you didnt just keep her, why you gave her up ect..
Talk with the adoptive parents and make sure that the first few time you and your daughter see each other you do so with them there with you that way the both of you have someone to fall back on.
Make sure your attorney advises you of your rights, dont ever assume.
Hope this helps!! Best Wishes!!

Answer 4

Do you already have a visitation or communication agreement with the family? Have you had contact with her or the family? It seems you do since used the term open adoption. If that is the case you should be able to request communication via the adoptive parents. Ask if you can write to her or for a supervised meeting in a neutral, public place. Just remember that they have every right to refuse your request if it is not in the best interest of the child. Keep your request respectful.

Answer 5

A lot depends on the specifics in the situation. My husband and I adopted our oldest daughter when she was 3 1/2, after having her in foster care for a year. She is now 7 1/2. Her birth mother decided to give up parental rights with the stipulation of visitation every 6 months. I now regret agreeing to this. Her rights would have been terminated by the system withing a few more months, but I was scared to lose our daughter at that point. It is not that I don't like her birth mother. She has a lot of problems, but she does love the children she gave birth to, she just could not make the necessary changes to take care of them. She did choose to give them better lives, and I admire her for that. Also, I have been very open with our daughter about her adoption. She knows that while I was not pregnant with her, I fought for her for a year and that we chose to adopt her because she meant so much to us. However, the visitation is extremely hard on her- and I will admit on me too. Please take into consideration all circumstances and how your actions will impact your birth-daughter and her new family. If you do not already have contact, I would suggest starting with a letter to the parents. Include a simple note to your birth daughter (Hope your are doing well. I often wonder about you and have always wanted the best for you. I know your family is taking good care of you....) and a photo of yourself. Give the parents the option of giving this to their daughter or holding on to it until they feel she is ready. Encourage them to contact you so you can talk about what they feel is best. Remember, this is why you entrusted them with her to begin with. Trust them now and keep the lines of communication with them open. Eventually, your birth-daughter is going to want to know more (if she does not already). My best friend found her birth-mother at age 26. She is now 35 and has a whole family she new nothing about, and is very close to some of her siblings she has since met. I know that with my daughter, I do not want to deprive her of her half-sisters and try to stay in touch with them. Good luck.

Answer 6

Please IGNORE bigjimi (jack ***), that said, if you already have the Open Adoption established, simply work out a schedule with the parents so you have time without interfereing with their PARENTING.

I would also look into conselling for all of you to work through any issues. Have you looked for support groups for persons in your situation?

Try these sites. I haven't really looked at them but one may help:
http://www.adoptionhelp.org/professional/index.html

http://www.adoptionplanning.org/pages/2/index.htm

http://www.birthmotherresources.com/

hope that helps.

Answer 7

This is a question you should seriously seek out the advice of a trained professional. This is a very serious situation and should not be dealt with until you have looked at all sides of the situation. I found out about my dad at an early age, but he was still shroud in mystery. It became one big puzzle to me all of my life until I finally contacted him myself at age 26. Be very careful how you handle this. It can cause long term effects to you and your child. Best wishes.

Answer 8

If it's an open adoption why can't you talk to the adoptive parents about the best way to go about it?

Answer 9

Try sending a birthday card IF her parents think its ok. Does she know shes adopted if not it might be traumatizing if you go against her parents wishes and just tell her who you are. You don't want that, right?

Answer 10

Just send her a birthday card,with your phone number and address and let the 13 year old get in touch with you.Eventually,if not right away she will.If she doesn't then you have your answer.