My boyfriend thinks that I am unfaithfull to him. I lied a lot in the past so I guess that is the reason. I said I`ll never lie, and I`ll do that. But now he doesn`t believe a word I say. How can I change this??
2006-09-13 08:13:03 · 24 answers · asked by c.starling 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Once trust is gone it is very difficult, if not impossible, to get back. You may be faithful now, you may really mean every word you say, but if he cannot bring himself to trust you he will ruin the relationship, not you.
I know because I tried to learn to trust someone again, they did not do anything again, but I was always suspicious and expecting them to do something. In the end I finished things, it was not fair to either of us to continue like that.
With new people you get a fresh start and learn from your experience. If you stay together without trust things can get very bitter for both of you.
I hope it works out for you but be prepared for it not to, good luck!!!
2006-09-13 08:36:38 · answer #1 · answered by Dolly Blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest he will never trust you again. He might tell you that he does trust you but he really doesnt. Once you have been lied to by someone you are with it will be hard to believe anything you say.Take it from someone who knows. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5yrs now and found out last year that he was still with the person he was with before he and I got into a realtionship. I also found out that they were staying together the whole time he and I were together. So 4years of our relationship was a LIE you tell one lie you have to tell another lie to cover up the 1st one. Dont get me wrong I am young but not dumb I knew he was with someone and I also knew he wasnt staying with his mom like he said he was but I didnt have 100%proof and I told him that what he does in the dark will come to light and it did. For right now we are alright he moved into his own place and I am over there alot with him but the thought does cross my mind constantly that he maybe messing with someone else again even though I have no reasons to think that. He constantly tells me that he is not with anyone and that he will never do anything to mess up our relationship because of how much he loves me. When you have been lied to by someone you love and trust I think it's impossible to gain the trust that they once had for you before they found out you lied. You can try your best but I cant see it happening. He might say everything is okay but in the back of his mind he is thinking about how you lied to him in the past and has to wonder if what you are saying now is a lie.
2006-09-13 15:36:31 · answer #2 · answered by tnek 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly trust takes time to build and by lying you've obviously broken his trust so much that how does he know you're telling the truth now? All you can do is take it one day at a time and try to prove to him that you mean what you say and have learned from your past mistakes. Don't lie any more. Communication is SO important in ANY relationship so if you have a problem with him or a situation, TALK about it ok? Get him to do the same and good luck.
2006-09-13 15:18:20 · answer #3 · answered by mancunian_nick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it does take time and trust has to be earned when things are built on a rocky foundation of past baggage. The worst case scenario of trust issues in relationships is abuse, but even when trust problems go away there are always arguments to face. If I was you with what I already know about trust issues I'd tell you to get out, but when you love someone mutually with selflessness then I believe problems can be worked out. I know things on your side are going to be complicated no matter how much you try to reassure him because he's going to need this reassurance like a drug fix. If you can fight good battles and prove this is how much you love him that you are willing to work things out he will eventually see even if things don't work out between you two.
2006-09-13 15:26:26 · answer #4 · answered by 4me2no&u2findout 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To some extent i can understand your bf. You lied to him once, so now he thinks there's nothing to stop you from doing it again.
However, if he wants to stay with you he has to trust you. There's no point to stay in a relationship if you're unable to trust your partner.
Talk to him and try to point this out. If he still doesn't believe you it's time you go separate ways.
2006-09-13 15:32:42 · answer #5 · answered by sid_blue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hate to say this but once the trust is gone it can be impossible to get it back. perhaps your boyfriend should make the choice to either start taking your word for it and make an effort to trust you or he should have the nuts to finish the relationship
2006-09-13 15:18:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well Im sorry to say that it may be hard for you to regain your BF trust again. you've heard the saying "dont cry wolf" you may have lied so much that its hard for him to believe if your telling the truth. you cant get angry at him if he dosent believe you or trust you. Give it time and hopefully you can gain his trust again
2006-09-13 15:18:17 · answer #7 · answered by bella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
damn...sounds alot like my situation, i lied to my bf in the past about stupid stuff that i didnt really need to lie about so when he thought i was cheating on him he didnt believe me when i told him that i wasnt. so i sent him an email telling him exactly how i felt about him and we got back together, he still doesnt fully trust me, but at least hes trying.. you have to prove to him that you are not lying to him....
2006-09-13 15:18:10 · answer #8 · answered by chstarponchild 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can only change it by proving yourself to him. If you have lied in your past, he mightthink your lying to him now so just become honest with him and he should develop trust. and remember, no trust, no relationship.
2006-09-13 15:16:28 · answer #9 · answered by Readers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't really know perhaps if you tell him a secret about yourself something you would not tell most people then perhaps he will see what an effort you are making and learn to trust you.
2006-09-13 15:16:50 · answer #10 · answered by davidleeryan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋