Trying to be realistic?

Question

It doesn't seem that finding someone to be with gets any easier the older you get or the more people you date. At the moment, I'm dating someone that I'm very attracted to physically and mentally. He's said that he feels the same and has actually told me that he loves me. There are so many quirks about his personality, but the funny thing is, I either understand them or have them myself. I'm not used to someone being so similar to myself. There were things that other men in the past said and did things for me that I really liked that this new partner doesn't do. I guess the opinions/answers that I'm looking for is: can we be happy with something that isn't what we are used to or do we keep searching and searching for something that we think we be better (not perfect as that is impossible)? Should we still for what makes us happy to a degree even if there are a few bits missing?

Or are we as a society too focused on ourselves and our own complete happiness that we don't know when to stop searching?

Answer 1

is it behavior that u want? is it that the previous guys bought u gifts, and he doesn't? the thing about that, is that a lot of things can be Taught.. u can tell him, i kinda like it when my boyfriend does this or that, it would nice if u sometimes showed me appreciation by doing this.... :) if he really cares about u, he will be willing to learn what it is that you like. and if u really care about him, u'll give him a chance to try, and appreciate the things he already does. but that doesn't mean "what u see is what u get". both of you should always be willing and able to LEARN what will make each other happy! as long as u focus on all things Positive, Happy, and Healthy, i think u will be able to work out the little things that seem to be "missing".

for example, w/ my boyfriend, i love him and have very mental, emotional, and physical connection. however, the way i show my appreciation is by constantly doing things to make him happy, and better, for the better of US. but the way he shows apprecation....=T..well he doesn't really know how! and i think a lot of men don't realize that ALL they have to do is show some appreciation, surprise me w/ a card sometimes, or say something sweet once in awhile, or get me a $25 hat when i say it's nice, etc etc (which he DIDN'T, and it made me sad.. i know i can afford the hat, but i was hoping he would get the hint that it'd be nice if he got me something after a long day of shopping, and me helping HIM to find stuff). sigh.... anyways, i talked to him about it, and he realized that he doesn't remember the last Nice thing he's done for me....!!! that made me sad/mad, and i think he realized that he was taking me for granted. but he never would've admitted it if i didn't give him a chance to understand how i was feeling, and communicate my needs.

so, long story short, i think if both of u are willing and able to communicate things u want and need from eachother, and try ur hardest to fulfill them, most likely than not u will be able to satisfy eachother. but if u are lazy, or are unappreciative, or disrespectful, then eventually u will feel resentment, and compare him to someone else, etc. good luck, figure out what u WANT, commnicate to him, see if he is able to come up w/ a solution/compromise, and hopefully u can work together to grow the relationship :).

btw, regarding ur society comment.. i feel that if YOU, as a woman and person, try ur best to constantly be better, learn more, be happy, positive, and confident that u are a great partner... that gives u the 'right' to want that in a partner. but if u don't do that , don't take care of urself, are not responsible for ur own actions, u can hardly expect that ur partner is "perfect". so it's not selfish when u have expectations from urself as well, and that u keep an open mind and try not to pre-judge others. :)

Answer 2

Nothing or Nobody is perfect and as sad as it may seem..Every thing comes to an end! Nothing Ever lasts forever. If you find something good hang onto it because you never know what you've got til its gone.. and when its gone it may never come by again. Everybody has different qualities.. try not to compare people and reminise. Focus on the present.. fill in the missing bits of the puzzle yourself because if there was nothing missing.. What would be to work towards?

Answer 3

I think you answered your question in one. today as a society we so many "perfections" on tv, magazines and even hear it on the radio, everyone has forgotton what is real.
My husband of 8 years is not perfect and nor am I. I don't think you will ever find 100% what you want in a person, that is perfection and no one is perfect, but if there are little things that you think he could do for you suggest it to him and he may take it to heart and do it to make you happy.
The key to any happy relationship is communication, trust, love and respect. If you have that you guys are meant for each other.

Answer 4

I think you might just need to allow yourself time to get used to him, that's all. He's different from the men of your past, but you like him anyway. He's a person in his own right, and you can't pick and choose the bits of him that you like ... just get used to what you've got. But if you still feel in six months that something is missing, end the relationship.

Answer 5

yes,of course we can,life and relationships would be boring if all our partners had the same personality,traits and tecniques in bed,it's like trading in your old mobile phone for the same model?you want something different,so what its not what you're used to but if you give this guy a try and it doesnt work out,maybe the next guy you meet you'll be comparin with him,its a catch 22 situation but i say always leave you're horizons wide open and take each prospective partner as exactly that,just because they dont push the same buttons as your previous partners doesn't mean they cant find the on switch..

Answer 6

If you are happy then you should just relax and enjoy yourself. If, however, you don't feel you are getting what you want from the relationship then you should think about whether you want to stay and talk to your partner about what you are feeling. you never know, he might take the hint and do the things you are wanting. If not, maybe it's time to call it a day.

Answer 7

Ok so he doesn't do some things guys in your past did. But they are guys in your past right ? Not everybody is the same or is going to do the same things. The only judge here is your happiness. Are you happy with him as is ?

Answer 8

what you like in one person may be something you don't in another if we could only make the person the way we wanted them to be we would still be unhappy so all i can say is be happy with what makes you happy and try working to gather on things that doesn't find out what about yourself makes the person your with unhappy

Answer 9

Remember those past relationships didnt work out....maybe different is what u need right now. If u have alot in common and the s e x is bangin then fruck the bulls h i t. Do you!

Answer 10

I think you are analysing things too much. If you enjoy being with the person and the feeling is mutual, what are you worried about?