My husband and i are looking to buy a house . I found one i loved my in laws have a complex with nice things. This house was nice. I loved it . So the day we were going to be done. My husband calls and says he wants to wait and keep looking , which is fine. Then he tells me his mom has just put money down on a house for us. They have done this in the past ryan my husband will go look at houses that she has found while im working or left at home with the kids. But anyway so i got mad and fussed with my husband i told him we should be looking for a home not her.. and he agreed so they lost their ernest money ... now 2 weeks later she is still searching the mls and calling me and my husband telling us she found the perfect house. which maybe for her but not us. We want a new house that will resale fast if we have to , she wants us to buy a old home with a basement to rent out. ... Am i being stupid and what should i do?
2006-09-13 08:10:07 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Honestly, it is not so much what you should do...but what he needs to do. He married YOU and vice versa. He did not marry his mother (shudders...nasty thought), he married YOU. Therefore, he needs to inform her politely and respectfully to bow out of the decisions you BOTH make. She is trying to butt in your lives and live her life through her son. I know how this goes, my mother-in-law has tried this for years; and just within the past year, my husband has taken a stand to her. It took him 9 years to do it fully. He would fight with her, but he would in the end always give into her game of manipulation. He got tired of things just never being worked out; so he has refused to give into her tactics any longer. She is in a huff over it at the moment, but she will get over it in time. Someone in the relationship had to stop the madness, and I couldn't do it. I am not her daughter. The deal is between him and her. The same with your husband's mother and him. The deal is between them.
I suggest bringing it to his attention to talk with his mother respectfully. Don't order him to do it. Ask him. If he does not oblige, just pray he will soon enough. In the meantime, when it comes to decisions you two need to make and she wants to butt in; then step in and ask her to politely bow out. This is the only place I say you as the wife needs to step in; if he refuses to say anything before hand to her.
Hope that helps.
2006-09-13 08:41:55 · answer #1 · answered by Bible Trekker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she will end up finding a house that you both like and so I wouldn't just pass up looking just because she's the one who found it, But I would be pissed about the down payment thing. I'd tell her what you're looking for and if the house doesn't have all those things, then you're just not interested. At least your husband isn't too much of a mamma's boy, or you'd be living in the house she put money down on.
2006-09-13 08:24:57 · answer #2 · answered by t.larae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mother-in law your appreciate the fact that she is looking for you and you will keep her choice in mind but the final decision will be up to you and your husband. She can't make you pick her house that's up to you and your husband,. But if you argue with you husband and he feels the same way you do, lighten up because he is probally trying to keep the peace. When you speak to your mother-in law make sure your husband is with you so she can see that this is a united front.
You're not being stupid and mothers have a thing about trying to help when it's really not needed. I know I'm a mother-in law/ Just be firm and let her have fun looking it's probally giving her something to do and make her feel like she's helping.
2006-09-13 08:17:56 · answer #3 · answered by Raven 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg i would be devastated if i couldn't pick out my own house, or decorate the way i want, etc. and my idea of a dream home is not w/ strangers renting out the basement!
so, the problem becomes this: is she going to help u put down money for the house? if so, u gotta figure out how much u need her money. cuz no one will just give chunks of cash w/o having ANY say in what she is investing in... it becomes kind of "her" house in her mind. most likely she wants a house that
1) she likes
2) will make revenue, such as renting out
3) she is "letting" u guys stay in the kindness of her heart, but still she knows u wouldn't be able to afford it w/o her help
so pretty much it is a gift w/ strings attached...therefore, either figure out a way to explain to her that u appreciate the gift of money down, but if she wants an investment for HERSELF, that u guys cannot accept it if u have no say in the house. if u can compromise, try. go look for houses TOGETHER and see if u can somehow find a way. but if u can't, try to find a house on ur own, and finance it on ur own. trust me, family and money do NOT mix!
2006-09-13 08:29:01 · answer #4 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be okay and set boundaries if she doesn't know you don't want her help she won't stop. But make sure you are in a calm state don't have the conversation when you are hungry or tired or caught up in the emotion of something else, it can worsen a situation. Let her know that you want her to be a part of your lives but maybe just not this part. Make sure you tell her that you appreciate her as well people always need to hear that they are needed. So are you wrong, no you need to set boundaries.
An example of the conversation is _________(Mothers name)
I appreciate all you have done for my husband and me but I feel that this is something he and I should do on our own.
GOOD LUCK.
2006-09-13 08:18:14 · answer #5 · answered by lovelovelyme23 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
New houses will not sell fast because the market it too high right now. She is right. Get something that you can rent out incase you cannot afford the mortgage. It is easier as if you do end up selling, at least you can take on some rent while it is in the market. Also, it should be you looking for the house not her! If you want to rent to her, thats on you guys, not her assumption.
2006-09-13 08:24:20 · answer #6 · answered by Ed D 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her politely but firmly that you and your husband will find the prefect home by yourselves and if she wants to be involved let her buy you a really nice house-warming present (at your suggestion of course).
Either she will die trying or run out of money unless you make your feeling felt.
2006-09-13 09:04:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't accept any monies from her and tell her to stop looking because you and your husband will make the decision on what kind of house you will be buying unless she plans on paying your mortgage too.
2006-09-13 08:13:27 · answer #8 · answered by AVA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nicely there is not any element in conserving a grudge if somebody has unquestionably controlled to alter ideals that have been brainwashed into them... you do not say how telling her is going to inconvenience you? seems such as you're merely attempting to get revenge. that is sick to apply toddlers in this form. i'm not stunned she remains uncomfortable due on your historical past. Plus, maximum mothers in regulation are uncomfortable with their sons spouse/female chum. They make total movies approximately it. that doesn't recommend she remains racist or despite. i think of you should open your ideas slightly and recover from it.
2016-10-14 23:23:16 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no your not, I've had this conversation with aunt before. She use to bud into her sons marriage alot! She has no right too! It's your marriagenot hers. Your home not hers. The inlaws should always stay away from decision making in your home, or there will be problems
2006-09-13 08:17:07 · answer #10 · answered by hotphychochick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋