Does anybody know how to deal with a situation like this? Should i get out now or should i stay? Is she using me as a father figure for the kids or what? Please give me the best advice you can i really need it. Thank you
2006-09-13 07:32:10 · 31 answers · asked by LT. DAN 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i want to clarify she is not in it for the money because she is super loaded and is way better off than me
2006-09-13 08:11:27 · update #1
hi there before i answer your actual question i just want to ask where some of the other respondents get off saying things like 'she sounds like a loser' and 'get out now' etc. How do any of you people know her personal circumstances and who the **** are you to to pass judgement anyway? Im sure none of you are perfect. Go and answer questions more suited to your intelligence bracket like 'my boyfriend slept with my sister and her horse...shall i leave him?' lol ....uuuuurrgggghhhh!
In answer to your question, You dont give much info about your relationship with this girl. How long youve been together or if you are casually involved or thinking of getting serous etc. The fact that you are even asking this question leads me to think that maybe you are not quite ready for that kind of commitment, and maybe youre just looking for an excuse to make yourself feel comfortable with that as you have feelings for her. You dont need justification...do what feels right to you and if you have any concerns voice them to her...tell her you are a little wary and afraid and ask her to help you.
I am a now single woman with 2 kids...both with different dads and i was married to both of them. The first i met at 17 married at 19 and had my first child at 21...he was a violent man and i told him if he ever hit me once i had my child i'd leave him and i did...well actually i threw him out. At 25 i met another guy, married him at 27 and we were together for 9 years from meeting....we have been separated for 2 years and i for one wouldnt even consider the possibility of introducing another guy into my kids lives unless he was the song of my universe...i tend to stick to casual friendships/relationships and even if i got involved i wouldnt go down the path of commitment until my kids had flown the nest...even though i miss having that kind of relationship sometimes. I dont know what your girlfriends circumstances are or presume to know how she feels but its not often as it seems to others and its harder than people think, i'd guess that if shes considering getting serious then the kids are quite a serious issue to her too if shes a good mum. You probably rock her world...talk to her, she probably shares your caution and would appreciate knowing how you feel, hope this helps, good luck
2006-09-13 08:41:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you already know the answer. Yes, she's using you as a father figure for her children. Is she a sweet & caring person who just happened to have kids by two different men? or does that say something about her morals? You have to decide whether or not you should go. Do you like her children? Is she out to "get you"? If she thought she could rope you in, you'd be baby daddy #3. I have 2 children with my ex (both same dad) & I expect any guy I date to understand we're a package deal. My children come with me & no matter what, they come first with me. Is she like that? You might get a great girl & a nice little ready made family - or she could be a skank. Since you don't say anything about what she's like, I can't tell. You have to look at all of the factors involved before deciding. Good Luck to you.
2006-09-13 14:39:49 · answer #2 · answered by pumpkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide if you love her enough to stay and deal with having step kids, all the problems that WILL come with them. Dealing with two different fathers and those problems. Taking on someone Else's kids is a very big step, not to be taken lightly. The children will get attached to you and you don't want to hurt them any more than they have been already. It's a wonderful thing if you can do it, but it will be very hard. My boyfriend raised my 3 children as his own with little contact from their real father and we still had lots of problems. Best of luck making your decision!!
2006-09-13 14:43:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My friend...this girl must be the most amazing seductress in the world.....because she has you asking questions where the answer is simple.. Are you hypnotized right now?
What would I do?....I'd go take a very cold shower..pack my bags...put on a good pair of running shoes..and get the hell out of dodge....
You are asking for nothing but trouble. Think about it.. 2 kids that aren't yours..are you going to support these kids? how?... two Dads that will make your life hell? Two Men that could potentially once again sleep with "your" girlfriend.
I guess that's my point... she's not YOUR girlfriend... she's the girl to three men...and the mom to 2 kids.. You are the 6th wheel and the bearer of all the problems.
Other guys did "your" girl wrong...and now you're Mr. Right?
Trust me...something is not right....
I WOULD RUN..RUN .. RUN... and keep on RUNNING!!!
BUT.......it is ultimately up to you
2006-09-13 14:40:49 · answer #4 · answered by RUNINTLKT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Adam,
Take a step back and examine the big picture. How does she interact with you when the kids aren't around. My wife has 2 boys from 2 previous relationships and we have a great marriage. Look at it this way, you'll have 2 kids who will look up to you and respect you for being there for them. If you still have hesitations then maybe you need to sit down with your girlfriend and as her where she sees your relationship going that should give you a pretty clear picture of what's going on in her head.
2006-09-13 14:47:00 · answer #5 · answered by Scott B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a similar situation and my gf just wanted me to take care of the kids cuz neither dad had anything to do with them. Reality is u will do what u want, but my advice is leave b4 u get more attached. if either dad shows u r nothing to these kids legally or in her eyes and your heart will be ripped out and crushed. If u leave it will hurt 4 a short time. If u stay it will hurt 4ever. Sorry Dude
2006-09-13 14:41:29 · answer #6 · answered by citydispatch 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you knew that about her when you got with her for starters but if you don t see yourself as sticking around then get out before the kids get attached to you ...are their father s in the picture ? that matters also but if the answer is no and you love these kids and you love the mom stay in there unless the mom is a cheater then really get the hell out our you ll be on Maury being told you are not the father this is your decision buddy either you want to be with the girl and therefore you have to claim the father role or you don t feel you are ready for a already made family then leave and explain that to her maybe she will stop getting in these situations and learn to build her life up gl man
2006-09-13 14:37:47 · answer #7 · answered by glass_city_hustla 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the same situation, except it's my boyfriend! You should know what she expects your role to be with her kids and then decide if that's what you want to be. Do you like kids? It can be really difficult sometimes, having to deal with 2 kids and 2 different, in your case, dads. But she wants to be with you, so give it a chance and see what happens. If you don't like the way it's going, you can get out. They already have dads, so you're not their replacement and she shouldn't treat you as such.
2006-09-13 14:37:50 · answer #8 · answered by AD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether it works out depends on a couple of factors. If the fathers are very involved in the childrens life and if they live closely by, and if the mother of the children makes them mind, and respect their elders. Being a step-dad, if thats were it may go is very stressfull on a family. Love, a strong love is sometimes the only thing that pulls you through a marriage like this.
2006-09-13 14:38:27 · answer #9 · answered by FANNY 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok ok ok. On one hand you have a girlfriend who has 2 kids by 2 different men. This says she is not into committed relationships for the long haul and doesnt think about what she does and what will happen if she does. This could also be because she is looking for love and mistaking sex for love. You have to search your heart- and ask yourself if you really love her. If u really love her and cannot imagine life without her- u can find a way to care for this kids. Remember- they are kids and didnt ask to be in that situation- its not their fault. It all boils down to love
2006-09-13 14:50:14 · answer #10 · answered by cstinkerbell6969 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋