Can someone explain to me the Mormon "ways" that I don't understand?

Question

My husband's step-family is Mormon, but he was not raised Mormon.

His step-cousins all got married around 17 and had children immediately after.

Most of them are in their early to mid 20's with 3-5 children each.

All of their friends are the same, none of them went to college or got jobs, they just graduated high school and got pregnant.

Why does it seem like many Mormons have a lot of children so young?

Why does it seem like many Mormons don't value education or living independently without a spouse at 18?

I love children a lot too, family is extremely important to me, but I moved out at 18, got a job, went to college and had fun and now I am planning my first baby at 25.

(And I didn't sleep around, do drugs, drink, etc. I have only had one sexual partner and that's my husband!)

Can someone explain this to me?

Answer 1

I am Mormon convert and had my first child at the age of 30 (was married before; no children). I have 4 daughters, 1 away at college, the other a Sr. taking college classes, and the other two planning their careers, which all include college.
Actually, the leaders of the Church encourage higher education in all members, if possible. Young women are highly encouraged to obtain a higher education, as are the young men. Most of the young men serve a mission at the age of 19, so they are not getting married at the age of 17. They usually return when they are 21 and begin to finish their college education. Most often that is when they meet their future wife, who is also at the same college!
Also, most of the youth I know in the Church are encouraged to not even steady date during high school and to wait until they are at least 18 or so. The kids all have good, clean fun, but aren't steady with anyone.
And most of my LDS friends have anywhere from 2 - 5 children. If you want to stereotype, just look at the Catholics...now there are some folks with lots of kids at a young age, and not always well educated!

Sorry, but your husband's family kind of sound like they are deadbeats, and not like any of the typical Mormons I know, which can be found in any religion.

Answer 2

I am not familiar with many Mormons that get married and pregnant right out of high school. Most of the ones I know get married in their early twenties while attending college. But perhaps that's because I graduated from BYU. Nevertheless, I suppose you could make a generalization that lots of Mormons do have large families. In part this can be attributed to their belief that the family is a central element in the plan of salvation. Mormons put a lot of emphasis on the family unit. Also, I think a couple of scriptures come to mind: "children are an heritage of the Lord... happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them" (Psalm 127:3-5) and "be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth" (Genesis 1:28 and 9:1).

By the way, Mormons place a very high emphasis on getting an education. They have established the Perpetual Education Fund, to which many Mormons donate so that those who are less fortunate can afford to receive an education. Most of the Mormons I know also live independently beyond the age of 18. I myself was married at 22, which I actually considered to be kind of young. My wife was 25 when we got married. I know very few people who get married before 20, to be honest with you.

Answer 3

Well I am LDS, and I didn't get married until both my husband and I graduated college and started our careers. My husband and I are both 27 and we only have one child now, but do plan to have 2 more. I don't know why some Mormons girls get married so young, probably the same reason non-Mormon girls do. I've never heard of a 17 year old getting married. None of the people I know would allow their daughters to marry so young. Most of my friends got married in theie early 20's and finished college either before or after they got married. It's not true that we all have lots of children though. Most families that I know have between 2-4 children, which is no different than non-LDS familes.

Answer 4

Off-hand I'd say your husband's step family are just unusual. I was going to say losers, but that sounds a bit harsh.

I recently did a study of the age at which women in my geographical area (a portion of California) marry. Between Jan 1985 and Dec 2004 there were 302 marriages. The youngest to marry was 16 at the time of marriage. The oldest was 69. The mean age of marriage was 25.9 (years 1985-1989), 28.6 (1990-1994), 28.7 (1995-1999), and 28.5 in the time period 2000 to 2004. The median (half married older, half younger) for these time periods were 24, 26, 24, and 24.

I didn't check the statistics for the men, but generally the are a few years older than the women. Particularly since many of them serve missions from age 19 to 21 and are out of the dating pool. So, it looks like Mormons generally marry in their mid-twenties, while the "average" (mean) is in the late twenties.

Families are important, and Mormons often have a higher number of children than average. As I recall (from a study I did last year) the mean in my area is about three children.

As far as education goes, Mormons are known for their high education levels. I believe those of the Jewish faith rank a little higher, but not much.

Answer 5

Yeah, being a Mormon myself, I know this is one topic that a lot of people don't understand. And in all reality it probably shouldn't happen this way. I got married at 19 and now at 24 I have 3 kids, my husband never finished school and just finally got a good paying job. I myself wish he would have gotten a college education and he is now still working at it. Anyway, the answer to you question stems to our beliefs about family and our purpose here on Earth. We believe that our families will be with us even after we die. And that there are many spirit children in heaven waiting to receive bodies, and that it is our responsiblity to help bring them to Earth and raise them in righteousness so they can return to heaven and live with God again. No where in the teachings we receive are we told not to get an education or to be married by a certain age or anything like that. We are actually encouraged to receive as much knowledge as we can while on Earth. I suppose though that many Mormons, myself included, put getting married and having kids ahead of everything else. And then they end up realizing that they need to worry about the other stuff after, which cause them to struggle for a while. Although this is not the norm for everyone, I know many Mormons who do finish school first and wait until they are in their mid to late 20's to start their families (like my brother or sister-in-law). I hope this answers you question.

Answer 6

I got married at 19, both my husband and I. We have been married for 6 years and have no children. I firmly believe God brings those little ones into the world at the time they are supposed to come, whether a person is 17 or 37. He knows the right time for them.
LDS value education, we are constantly encouraged to gain as much knowlege as possible in this life as it will be to our benefit in the next life. A good number of the church's leaders have been doctors, lawyers, sceintists, etc...all requiring lots of education.
Also, we as women are encouarged to be "stay-at-home mom's" to rear our children in righteousness. That doesn't mean a couple who both work (which is getting more and more common since it is so expensive to live!) can't give their children a loving and righteous home environment...
Anyways, I thought mommyem gave a very truthful answer.
Avie was off on a few things, but correct about a woman not being a godess without her husband - but she forgot to mention a man cannot become a god without his wife! one cannot achieve godhood without the other, it is an equal partnership..

Answer 7

I hope you realize "Avie" is not a mormon, and what she said is quite contrary of what we believe in.

As to the points you brought up:-

Not all mormon married at age 17, mostly in their 20s more like.
I personally got married at 26.
having big family is not a sin, compare to those who abandoned their kids, what would you choose?

We work and pay taxes just like the rest of the human race, your info is way off.
We do value education, do you ever heard about Brigham Young University, BYU Idaho, or BYU Hawaii??? these are education institutions established by the LDS.

As about living independently, we are the church that teaches food storage consistenly, and self reliance is a well taught and practice subject.

And marriage for us is between a man and a woman, with total marital fidelity. Sexual intimacy is only between lawfully wedded husband and wife.

So in conclusion, you have a lot of misconception and sterotyping about us that is way off.

Answer 8

We believe that families are eternal and that we can be with our families forever. I think this gives us a unique outlook on families. Mormons also tend to have traditional homes where the husband works and the wife stays at home with the kids. We do value education very much. My wife got her BS in Nursing and I graduate in May in Accounting. We are counceled that housing and education are the only two reasons to go into debt. The Church has also established a Perpetual Education Fund that helps educate members of the Church, generally in third world countries. We believe that the level of intellegence a person obtains in this life is also passed onto the next. We are strongly encouraged to continue learning.

Answer 9

The Mormans are members of Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. They are not weird they do not have multiple wives and do not get married at the average age of 18. They are normal educated and very successful people. They do believe in having alot of children. It is their right and their choice. They are good people and have gotten a bad rap.

Answer 10

Mormons are encouraged to have so many children so they can begin their ascent to godhood. They believe that God was once an ordinary man on another planet who found favor with that planet's god and was rewarded after his death with godhood over his own planet, which happens to be earth. They also believe that, likewise, an ordinary man here who marries and has as many children as he can (while maintaining a moral life by tithing, going to the temple, avoiding alcohol, coffee, tea and cigarrettes, etc) can attain godhood over his own planet after his earthly death. Women cannot become goddesses or even go to heaven without their husbands! A woman without a husband is basically doomed. A woman's education is not encouraged because, frankly, a woman who marries at 17 and has children one after the other starting at age 18 is too busy for it!

Mormons won't tell you this because, chances are, they don't know. The knowledge is not unavailable to them but most of them don't care to read all the way through the Doctrine and Covenants. I know because my family used to be LDS and my father isn't the kind of man to go into anything blind. He reads everything, especially if it isn't encouraged.

I'm including an online link to the Doctrine and Covenants, if you ever have the time or inclination to read it. (Even I couldn't read all the way through them. Kept falling asleep;))