Yet another spanking question...?

Question

I've answered about three questions about this subject this morning. I've reversed the questions on asker and no one can give me an answer. So now, I've decided to ask my own "What would you do...spanking?” question and see the flip side.

Say you have two children. Alex who is five and Lily who is two. Alex continuously hits Lily, I’m talking over ten times. You have done everything you possibly think to do; time out, taking away privileges, taking away toys, longer time outs, a and whatever else you can possibly think to do. Why wouldn’t you spank Alex? If you didn’t spank him what would you else could you do?

Remember this is your last resort--you’ve tried everything you can think of…you’ve even came on Y!A to find other mothers opinions.

Here are the questions I have answered pertaining to the subject today, if you would like to view them as reference or know my view on this subject.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ap9ViOGmhkH7G4A6OkrdbJnsy6IX?qid=20060913100717AAzyL4w --This is the question I got the hypothetical situation from--

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AmnWsIgSqqYKM7N5CL2ksNTsy6IX?qid=20060913094334AAlS5rD

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AnzhtsYBtauyiMrXQybKhibsy6IX?qid=20060913074825AApCQm9

Another thing--my child just wouldn't do that is not an option to answering the question. You never know what your child will do next.

I currently am taking care of my five year old cousin actually and I have been there--that isn't the point of the question.

I am not saying I am in this situation--I am not saying people who don't spank are wrong. I'm am asking what would you do? No one has answered it yet.

Thank you Gibby--great response!

Answer 1

I saw one of the other questions you asked.

I guess it is not really good for me to answer the hypothetical because I am a believer in spanking--and not just as a last resort.

Although I was spanked as a kid I was convinced in college that it was inappropriate. So I did not at first spank when I had my own kids. To make a long story short--in the course of being a Mom I changed my tune and decided my parents were not so dumb and old fashioned after all.

I know that anectodal stories are not very useful--but that is the major reason I spank--it works for me. I also think it is fairer and less mean than punishments like time outs and groundings. A spanking gets the punishment over and the air is cleared. The other things drag the thing out. I don't want to be a parental jailer. With younger kids I think the whole point of why they are being punsihed is lost. With older kids it is no more of an effective punishment and inspiration to strive for better behavior than jailing adults is.

In this case what I would do is go get a wooden spoon, hairbrush, etc. and tell the young man in no uncertain times that the next time he hit his sister he was going to find out what this felt like being applied to his bare fanny.

And then if it happens--you MUST follow up--and this does suck for the parent. The key to making spanking work is consistency. Idle threats make it all worse.

I think if more parents would spank--and do it correctly--they would be very surprprised by the results they get.

I should also mention all the research that has been done on this subject showing it is bad. These are all statistically flawed. Infact to the surprise of one researchers who surveyed all the research--he found it to be the most effective method of getting children to comply with the wishes of their parents.

There is a reason parents have been spanking since time immemorial. The anti-spanking movement is very new. And like a lot of new untested ideas I am convinced it is wrong.

Answer 2

Hi.....please excuse the typos, spell check was down.

Just another opinion......There is a HUGE diferrence between administering physical punishment and child abuse. I am 52 years old, raised 2 fine daughters, and would use spanking as a re-enforcement teqnique, just one of many other that should be in every parent's 'tool-box'. I always found the key to it was to remember this: NEVER SPANK A CHILD IN ANGER! if the situation requires a spanking, the child must know EXACTLY what the spanking is for. The physical sensation of pain goes far in leaving a lasting directive to the child that this behavior is unacceptable, and If I do not want to feel this again, I sould refrain from the behavior. Does'nt always work, but it is a valuable proven tool in the never ending task of raising children. I have observed that words are of very little help untill the child can reason things out intellectually, making physical punushment unnessary. But as a society, the 'anything goes' and the notion that we must let our children 'be themselves' ( which is really a parental cop-out, they don't KNOW who they are yet, that's why we raise them! They can't raise themselves, at least not very well without guidance and wisdom). I believe the old saying, "spare the rod, spoil the child" is an absolute truth, and society has chosen to "throw the baby out with the bathwater" in dismissing spanking as a valuable tool of instruction. But, do it right, or don't do it at all applies here. Thanks for the soapbox

Answer 3

Consequences mean nothing without an interaction. This means explaining exactly what the child did wrong, telling the child why this is wrong (ex. It makes Lily cry) and giving the child optional behaviors for the next time this happens (ex. Next time your mad at Lily you should come talk to me so I can help fix it.). The severity of the punishment is meaningless it's doing something that's meaningful to them. Punishing bad behavior is never as effective as rewarding good behavior. Everytime you see Alex playing nice with Lily he should get some sort of a reward such as "Alex you're being so responsible taking care of your sister like that".

How can you teach a child that hitting is wrong if you're hitting them. All you're teaching them is that it's ok to hit if you're bigger.

Answer 4

I think the correct answer would be to go pop a wellbutrin and a valium and give it 20 minutes to kick in , then smile and continue to let your children act like straight up hooligans and maybe throw another time-out in for GP. Then, later on, fix them a plate full of cookies and tell them what angels they are and how good they've been all day. Hell, why not take the little angels out for ice cream too?

Anyways, I'd whoop those asses WAY before that point ever came. My kids won't have me on any medications, or in a looney bin because I let them run me.

Answer 5

IF this was the last resort I would have him looked at for behavioral problems. how ong did you try to do time outs? like for 3 months straight or just a week?
I dont spank, I give a quick swat then a time out, my son will crawl up into a chair to give himself a time out BUT I KNOW not all children are the same. Spank him BUT DONT do it out of anger. Spank him , say you love him and forgive him afterwards. IF spanking doesnt help I would have him evulauated

good luck who ever needs this advice.

Answer 6

I'd ring the little creeps chimes! Let him see exactly what getting hit by someone bigger feels like. Then, after he's settled down and stops crying, tell him that the way he was made to feel (hit, hurt, violated) is exactly the way he's making his sister feel. It's no fun to feel that way, is it?
If you don't want to get hit again, don't do it anymore.
Mind you, I don't mean you should BEAT the kid, but a healthy spanking, or a hit of the same type he's doing to the girl would be appropriate.

Answer 7

I guess you need to evaluate yourself and the people around you. A child only does what he sees is a proper way to get a certain type of behavior. You need to outlast your children. Especially when you are trying to redirect a childs behavior. Pain therapy (spanking) seems to sometimes get a quick result, but parenting is also patience. I have twins, spent the first couple of years involved in a DV relationship and spanking was ok with him. I have spent 1 year in DV shelters learning a new way to raise my kids without hitting or yelling. Not only are they well behaved, but they are not in fear of me, and they know when I am serious. They sometimes test the boundries and that is what children do. But, If I say enough, then its enough. I love to tell people, The best way to get a child to knock on your door, is to knock on his. You want a child to repsect you and others, do the same. We have to stop teaching our children to do as I say not as I do. They are much too smart for that. They are born geniuses, we mess them up. If you still feel a need to spank, keep this in mind, if your hand goes back for a second swat? STOP, breath, and redirect yourself. Its rage not a lesson.

Answer 8

I think it is important in that situation to find out what is really going on between the two kids. I think it is also important not to appear to be taking sides. You need to lay down certain playroom rules, such as NO HITTING, but you don't want to become the referee. And you have to separate them when the rules are violated.

I would not advocate spanking under any circumstances. In the situation you describe you would really be teaching him that it is ok to hit someone if you are stronger and can get away with it. Isn't that the opposite of what you want to teach him?

Answer 9

I spank my children. Make it known that you are the adult and you are the parent. Of course there is always monkey see moneky do BUT YOU ARE THE PARENT. If you dont want to do that give him a little hot sauce on a q-tip in his mouth. My daughter picked up some stuff from preschool. She used to say naughty things till she got the hot sauce a few times. You just need to remember who is in charge.

Answer 10

I think spanking (hitting) is wrong no matter what you tell yourself. Is it ok for your husband to spank you if you do something he doesn't like? If I saw someone hitting their child I would have some words for them. Take a favorite toy away, and then another... but keep your hands to yourself.